Anyone else with a weird DH?

[runnergrl]

My DH has been acting so weird lately. We have lots of friends who are all having babies now as we are both at or approaching 30 years old, and he has agreed to allow me to stop BC, but he wont have sex with me! Its like he is scared to death he is going to get me pregnant before he is ready!

Drives me mad!

Anyone else???

 

[mandaa1220]

we are a bit younger and i'm still on the pill, but i've noticed that my OH is the same ever since he realized that the BCP wasn't 100 percent effective... i asked him about it and he said every time we he's scared i'll end up pregnant...

hes become less paranoid recently though... i realize my situation is different since your OH basically agreed to NTNP, but i'd talk to him about it... maybe he is nervous about becoming a parent

 

[goddess25]

sounds like he is just coming to terms with everything in his brain... men are such strange creatures indeed

 

[runnergrl]

oh we arent NTNP, we are still totally preventing, just using another form of prevention; condoms. Which we have yet to use because he is so scared! That or he is super lazy and doesnt want to put one on, so he would just rather not have sex at all..

I hate it, I feel like he doesnt 'want' me anymore

 

[mandaa1220]

ohhh gotcha! i'm sure he wants you hun! you just need to keep in mind that men are so strange and the fear of getting pg is sometimes scarier than the thought of not having sex

but to you and i hope you get more soon!!

 

[mommyB]

Awww, don't feel that way runnergrl, I'm sure he is maybe just a little overwhelmed with the whole baby thing. My husband and I got married in January and said we would wait a year until we start, about summer time everytime I would talk about our future children he would freak out and we would get into fights. Now that we are just over a month away he is totally cool, and will actually start conversations. I think you just have to give him some time, and I think you said before that you got married this summer right? Maybe he wants to enjoy being married first. I know that is what my hubby wanted (even though we have been together over 6 years). I know it is hard, it is almost like you get married and babies on the brain just kind of clicks on. Maybe have a chat about, work out a date when you will start trying and then it gives you something to look forward to, and time for him to adjust to the idea of becomming a father. And just so you know, the pull out method is not completely safe but we have been doing that since June (since I came off BCP) and no pregnancy yet. Maybe he would be interested in doing that. You are married so if you did get pregnant it wouldn't be so bad right? Hope this helps, I have been through everything you are going through right now, good luck

 

[runnergrl]

Awww thanks ladies. I knew you would have the right things to say to make me feel better We do have a date, and I am fine with it. I just wish he wasnt so freaked out.

 

[Kassy]

Awww, my OH acts this way everytime i talk about babies, men are fickle creatures really.

Don't think he doesn't want you, it's not like that at all, don't put yourself down.

 

[Lovemyboy]

I agree, men are strange!!!!!lol it sounds like he is just nervous, men deal with things different from us. He has been so used to not being responsible for anyone and now knows that if you get pregnant someone will be relying on him. I would try and talk to him, mabey he needs reassured x

 

[AmeliePoulain]

Men are so weird sometimes

Me and hubby have only used condoms for 2.5 years but he is still sometimes a bit obsessed that something will go wrong and he pretty much never lets us just take the tiniest risk (I actually do call in the contraception police!)

I would completely understand this if we were miles and miles away from wanting a baby...but he has even said himself that if I did get pregnant now he would be quite happy!!!

.....don't worry though...I'm sure the male urge for sex will win out over any fear of condoms....I think the male urge for sex could pretty much win out over anything : P

 

[faille]

Not being funny but are you sure it's fear of pregnancy/babies and not an issue with using condoms that's stopping your OH from wanting sex?

Just that I know a lot of guys who really don't like them and don't get as much pleasure whilst using them x

 

[runnergrl]

Faille, I think you have acutally nailed it. We attempted last night and to spare you some details, lets just say it did not turn out well! As soon as the condom was on, it was over.

He says since we have had sex so many times without them, its going to be really hard to start over WITH them.

Idont know what to do. Its so very frustrating

 

[Temg]

We stopped BC a few months ago. Basically I went for a smear and my Mirena coil couldn't be located, had an ultrasound to locate it and said we'd have it taken out to avoid trying t get it out and then not finding it again. The OBGYN couldn't get it out, another OBGYN tried, couldn't find it either and I ended up having a general anaesthetic to have it taken out.
We knew we would start ttc in December (this was July) so I decided rather than getting another Mirena in we'd start on the pill. My doctor wouldn't prescribe it as since the birth of my daughter I have been getting bad migraines with aura.

To say out sex life has gone down hill is an underestimate! I'm devastated I love sex, I love making love to my husband! We only got married in May this year and I"m lucky if DH will have sex once or twice a month. He has a absolute fear of me becoming pregnant, ending up in hospital (as I've been extremely ill with my pregnancies) and us not being able to move (we are moving to America for 1 year for post graduate study he got on scholarship) and loosing his dream, his fears are totally justified but I can't help feeling unloved and undesirable to my husband.

I think the only thing you can do is to try and discuss and relieve his fears.

Would you consider a read of 'taking charge of your fertility' It is a great read for either trying to get pregnant or avoiding it. It would mean you can have sex, no condoms and not worry about getting pregnant and if you are in a fertile period you either avoid sex or use barrier protection. I was recommended it by a friend, she has 3 children, all planned but has never used hormonal or barrier protection. It is a very interesting and maybe reassuring for your DH.

 

[GirlBlue]

Yep, DH and I started using "natural" methods about 6 mnths ago with no problems. I picked up lots of weight on BCs so we agreed 3 yrs on BC was enough. We use condoms for the "fertile days" now. Also means that we try to get in as much sex on "non-fertile days as much as possible.

 

[runnergrl]

Love this book! Thanks ladies

 

[PeanutBean]

I just do not understand what the problem is with condoms. Why do people think they are unsafe? They are as safe as the pill when used properly which isn't exactly rocket science. Not to mention the added protection they provide against disease. DH and I have been using condoms exclusively for about 7 years with no difficulty, no loss of loveliness in lovemaking and we have had no problem going back to them after our period of not needing them TTC last time. I can't say I notice a difference particularly with or without and DH has no problems with them either. I think some people's OHs need a good talking to!

 

[runnergrl]

Well mine can notice a huge difference and so can I. I really think its a personal preference and it is one that we dont like. More power to you and yours for being able to go back and forth between them.