anyone have trouble convincing OH about a home birth

[evewidow]

hey everyone

my midwife suggested a home birth at my 6 week appointment due to my previous 2 going fairly smoothly bar a few stitches , hadnt really thought about it until then but it got the cogs ticking
anyway i think it would be great , saves arranging sitters for the others and all sorts lol
hubby is dead against it he panics so much , doesnt want to clean up the mess worries ill be filling up my own pool etc etc .
i dont really want to go against his wishes cus i want him to be happy too but i just have a feeling ill have this baby at home anyway , my 2nd came out quick - 50 mins start to finish and luckily it was a weekend so oh was home but if he had been at work he wouldnt have got here on time , same goes for this one really if its as quick as the last i could be here on my own anyway.
just wondering if any of you had trouble convincing oh and how you went about it

 

[kiwimama]

I think men really need to see the research in front of them. I know a couple of ladies on here had real trouble getting their men to come around, but they got them fully on board by the birth. You could get him to come to your next midwife appointment so he can ask all the questions/ concerns he has about it.
Is he only worried about the mess? Every homebirth story I've read, the midwife puts you and baby to bed and cleans up, makes you a tea and once things are settled, leaves you to it.

 

[evewidow]

no hes worried if anything goes wrong etc more tbh , ill keep on and hopefully he will give in lol

 

[thomas520]

I think men really need to see the research in front of them. I know a couple of ladies on here had real trouble getting their men to come around, but they got them fully on board by the birth. You could get him to come to your next midwife appointment so he can ask all the questions/ concerns he has about it.
Is he only worried about the mess? Every homebirth story I've read, the midwife puts you and baby to bed and cleans up, makes you a tea and once things are settled, leaves you to it.

I think so ,hehe.best wish for you !

 

[thomas520]

I think men really need to see the research in front of them. I know a couple of ladies on here had real trouble getting their men to come around, but they got them fully on board by the birth. You could get him to come to your next midwife appointment so he can ask all the questions/ concerns he has about it.
Is he only worried about the mess? Every homebirth story I've read, the midwife puts you and baby to bed and cleans up, makes you a tea and once things are settled, leaves you to it.

en,I think so ,hehe

 

[Jenniflower]

no hes worried if anything goes wrong etc more tbh , ill keep on and hopefully he will give in lol

My DH loves the idea of a homebirth but is dead scared that something is going to happen to me and I won't be near a doctor to sort me out. Makes matters worse that we're 30 min from the hospital I would need to go to, to deliver (Ironically the distance is what makes me WANT to give birth at home)

I've merely made a few mentions that anything could happen to me in the car, at work, walking down the street at any given time. Birthing is natural so there should be no reason to make it so medical. I think you have the other two births on your side. You can use them to show him how well you've done and the fact that the midwife suggested it should maybe put his mind at ease.

Don't give up hope though. DH finally told me the other day he's on board with the homebirth!! YAY!!

 

[Ozzieshunni]

I want to do a water birth, but at the maternity ward in our town. OH keeps asking why can't I just do things normally in a hospital? I think he's very worried about losing us (me and baby) bless him! I know it's our first, but I want to be comfortable. I don't deal well with pain and water has always been soothing to me. I think he will come around when we speak to the midwife about it all. It's still early anyways

 

[goddess25]

My husband is the same at the moment.. I have a great book that I bought and I have about a million websites on home birth for him to read that I have book marked and he came to the midwife with me during the week and asked her lots of very appropriate questions... at the moment he is still not convinced. IF he does not come round then I am not going to push it and I will go to the hospital, he is my birth partner and I don't think its fair to push him into something if he is so uncomfortable.

I get why he is afraid.. my last birth I was wheeled away to the OR after a uncomplicated pregnancy and labour as DS was totally stuck so I was being prepared for forceps delivery or c-section. He was outside the theatre for about 30 minutes before they let him in and when he came in it was obviously all very medical, i was hooked up to some monitors and IVs and was having a bit of a reaction to the spinal anaesthetic and I looked like i was having a seizure although i was fine... so he was scared and he is just a bit apprehensive about not being at a hospital if something goes wrong. He is worried about the baby, worried about me, worried about blood loss and rescucitation. He also made a very valid point and said the other day I am not sure I will ever see my home the same way again and i wont see my bedroom the same if I give birth in there.

All we can do is get all the research and present the information to them, it seems they have to do it themselves in there own time. I hope both of our partners come around.

 

[goddess25]

https://www.gentlebirth.org/index.html
https://www.birthingtheeasyway.com/
https://bringbirthhome.com/
https://www.homebirth.org.uk/
https://www.homebirth.org.uk/blokesven.htm
https://www.homebirthbook.com/1.html
https://www.choicemidwives.org/?page_id=22
https://www.bbc.co.uk/london/content/..._feature.shtml
https://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/papatoto.asp
https://natality.co.uk/content/view/30/9/
https://www.homebirth.org.uk/blokes.htm

BTW these websites may help... most of them are aimed towards fathers to be in relation to home birth. I have them bookmarked but so far DH has not looked at them.

 

[wild2011]

i wanted a homebirth with my first, but dh was reluctant, and he begged me to have her in hospital, i did have her in hospital , wasnt a bad experience, but i managed on gas and air, my labour was fairly rapid, but i had soooo many stitches, and it was quite traumatic at the time. my second lo i had in an ambulance,we wanted a homebirth this time it was so quick my mw couldnt arrive in time and an ambulance was sent to assist, i ended up having her in the back of ambulance, going into hospital for check-up then home within the hour, i had no stitches etc this time round. the midwife in hospital was horrible to me and dh decided there and then 3rd baby would not be born in hospital!

now that he was on board, i was set on homebirth for number 3. so when the time came, we prepared, second lo was less thn 27 mins start to finish, i was petrefied of being alone so dh saved all his leave to be home with me at the end. i went into labour midwife was called, she was with us within 5 mins, got examined was 8cm, second midwife arrived, it was my longest labour baby was back to back, 1hr 30 mins in total, and my most painful, but with gas and air and hypnobirthing we managed it, i got up and did a dance as soon as the afterbirth was delivered and we had a good giggle. my best experience of labour, and im going on to have my fourth and final at home this time too.

i must add though.

i am all for homebirths i cant recommend them enough. but i am so so glad i had the first in hospital, theres so much more risk of tearing,and i had no idea if i was going to cope with the pain, i wouldnt change the fact i didnt have number 1 at home. it set me up and prepared me for my other children. also it allowed dh to be involved and he then felt comfortable with home delivery, cos he new i could cope and the chance of me needing to be transfered to hospital were slim.

 

[evewidow]

27 mins !!! amazing lol !

my 2nd was 90 mins so im wondering if this one will be quick too , the thing is i think i need to be preparedfor a home birth as hubby is at least 40 mins away if at work so i could end up having her here on my own anyway lol

 

[Ozzieshunni]

I think my goal is just to have an easy and relaxing labour, if there is such a thing. I don't do well with pain

 

[wild2011]

i dont do well with pain, but i go so quick i cant have anything other than gas and air, so i'd rather do it in my home than get shouted at if i happen to let a scream out as i did once, "shut-up,we dont do screaming in this hospital" me-" no, i know too busy giving epi's, which i dont have time for, if i wanna scream ill fluffing scream" lol not a comment against epi's cos if mine had been longer i bet i'd have been begging for one, but i loved having my princess at home it was perfect. and 2 midwifes all to myself