Anyone here suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder?

[fluffpuffin]

I've been researching online because I constantly feel off. I can fly off the handle or get depressed for virtually no reason. It's pretty bad. My hubby puts up with my moodswings but he has voiced concerns as well. I also used to suffer from an Eating Disorder and have been known to self-harm (pulling out my hair, banging my head against the wall, hitting myself).

When I read about BPD it rang so familiar but I don't want to go to the gp for no reason. It seems such a silly thing to bother the gp with. But on the other hand I want to make sure I'm well-balanced and give my daughter the best upbringing so that she's not screwed up by my behaviour.

 

[Leopard]

I have this sadly. It can be hard to deal with, but not as hard as other things (I also have a few other things). The best advice I can give you is to get your GP to refer you to a neuro-psychologist for an assessment. Believe me, your daughter will be fine, but it's best to talk to someone for your own benefit.

 

[fluffpuffin]

Thanks for your reply. Can I ask how you decided to see the gp? Some days I think I'm fine but things shift so quickly from feeling ok to feeling like crap.

 

[thestarsfall]

I'm pretty sure I have this. It kinda waxes and wanes with severity though. Sometimes I am a monster and other times I feel almost normal, lol. Definitely talk to someone...but beware they may be apprehensive to label you with the disorder.

What I find helps a lot in daily life is keeping a relatively rigid routine. I am fine for the most part if my daily routine goes pretty similar day by day. Its when I have major deviations from routine that I start getting out of control.

 

[fluffpuffin]

Yes, that is my problem too. I need structure in my day as well or else I feel out of control. I am not desperate to be labelled with a disorder. I am just wondering if it is worth it getting help or if the gp doesn'ttake much of an interest.

 

[Leopard]

Actually I didn't choose to originally, over here when you are on government benefits you have to have your work capacity (ability to work) assessed, at one such assessment the assessor pretty much told me flat blank that I needed to get a professional opinion, thankgoodness they paid for it or I would have been $2000 out of pocket; but it was a good decision that I made in going. They didn't try to force drugs on me, just suggested ways I could help myself and who I could go to talk to.

 

[Madamebelle]

Bpd can be a very debilitating disorder, whilst mood swings and self harm are characteristic of the disorder, they are closely linked in with percieved abandonment, and many with bpd will hurt themselves or threaten to to avoid this abandonment. They also have huge difficulties with rejection again percieved or real, and will either do everything possible to avoid being rejected, but might come accross desperate or will avoid social interactions/relationships so there is no rejection. Theres a common phrase with bpd. I hate you, please dont leave me. Sufferers go through periods of hating someone (sometimes for no reason or times because they feel hurt by this person) to absolutely liking the person (mostly because they have done somethig to show the sufferer that they care or arent going to abandon them) the self harm can be punishment based or used in a way to avoid abandonment/rejection.

Many people with bpd will say that once you have that diagnosis its hard to be taken seriously by professionals, as they see you as malipulating and attention seeking which of course isnt the case. There is a therapy out there called DBT or dialectal behaviour therapy which is designed to help you with your emotional regulation and also self harm, relationships etc.

Many bpd sufferers are abuse survivors and the bpd has developed as a way of coping with the past.

Ive been diagnosed with bpd traits, i also have bipolar. Ive done dbt but it wasnt helpful to me at the time as i wasnt ready to get better so to speak. Ive found the mental health service in my area to be very poor, so im taking things to my own hands and once my son is born im seeking private therapy with someone who specialises in abuse, bpd and mood disorders.

Feel free to pm if u wanna chat at all.

 

[fluffpuffin]

Thanks for your response. I appreciate you sharing your own experiences. I was interested to hear about your experiences with DBT. Did your gp refer you for that?

I did suffer psychological abuse by my dad which I link to my issues. I have improved quite a bit since moving away 9 years ago, suffered from anorexia at the time as well. But I'm still not happy and get this empty feeling and feeling of inadequacy all the time. And yes my poor dh is like a saint. I've screamed at him I hate him so many times, can at times be totally unreasonable with him. I'm like this with friends too and go through phases of avoiding everyone and feeling utterly alone in the world.

I hope you get the help you need as well. I found during pregnancy I was more balanced but the postnatal period with hormones and baby blues was so hard. It took me ages to bond with her. I often believe I don't deserve her.

 

[Madamebelle]

Heya

Thanks, ive had to take a very low dose of quetiapine during my pregnancy to help keep me well, didnt want to do that but kinda didnt have a choice, didnt want to spend my pregnancy in hospital.

I was referred to a mental health team in 2006 and started DBT in jan 2008 at the same time i was dealing with the police having reported my abusers. I ended up in hospital in the april and gave up dbt in the june. I wasnt ready for it. I also know that alot of my issues are due to the abuse i suffered so i need more psychotherapy based therapy as i havent self harm in 18 months now and after doing some self soul searching i can pinpoint where my issues started and why i behave how i do, just need the help now to resolve the issues.

To be referred to a mental health team you need to speak to a gp and they will have to refer you, once referred you will have an assessment where you can tell them everything thats been happening for you, they will then decide what is best for you and whether they can help you.

Im currently with a perinatal mental health team which is specifically for pregnant women and women up to a year aftet birth. I wont go back to my community mental health team as they didnt help me and thus the reason im seeking private therapy.

I hope thats helped. Low or non exsistant self worth is another of bpd but you do deserve your daughter. Im guessing your dh is supportive which if he is is great as that is somethinf possitive to focus on. X

 

[Arisa]

Hey
Yeah I was recently diagnosed with BPD and my psychiatrist tells me that pregnancy is brilliant for it as our normal moods and emotions including reactions to things tend to be more extreme than others so I am praying that my depression lifts, and so far it has lifted but that could be because I am newly pregnant and still in the ecstatic excitement stage but I know with BPD my moods can go from euphoria to dysphoria very quickly.
Have you been prescribed any medication?
I have tried a few antidepressants and benzos and anti-psychotics but I was informed that medication does not work for BPD however since my anxiety and depression levels are high I need meds to survive
I hope you can get the help you need and know this is not your fault!!

 

[xBabyGoose]

Threw me when I saw someone had posted this!

I got diagnosed with BDP years ago. I'd definately go to your GP they will refer you to see someone. Don't suffer alone, its the hardest thing to do
Luckily I manage very successfully to control it now, only after years of therapy and meds - aawful to go through but never been happier. Hope you decide to go to your GP, it was so worth it for me xxx

 

[fluffpuffin]

Threw me when I saw someone had posted this!

I got diagnosed with BDP years ago. I'd definately go to your GP they will refer you to see someone. Don't suffer alone, its the hardest thing to do
Luckily I manage very successfully to control it now, only after years of therapy and meds - aawful to go through but never been happier. Hope you decide to go to your GP, it was so worth it for me xxx

thanks for your message. I appreciate you sharing your experience. I hope I get to the stage you are now x

 

[Darlin65]

But I'm still not happy and get this empty feeling and feeling of inadequacy all the time. And yes my poor dh is like a saint. I've screamed at him I hate him so many times, can at times be totally unreasonable with him. I'm like this with friends too and go through phases of avoiding everyone and feeling utterly alone in the world

I am so glad I started reading this thread. I went through what I call my "nervous Breakdown" and this is 100% how I felt. I have never been abused but I still have very low self worth and I am always afraid of being wrong, messing up, or failing. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression but this seems to sound more like what I go through. The doctor even began to wonder if it was something else so he dropped the depression diagnosis. I have been doing good for the past 4 to 5 month so I don't have reg GP visits anymore but I feel like I am relapsing. I can't be alone and I fell like even when things are going right I am wrong. I get very anxious and when I get upset I think about self harming again. I also feel like I want to cry all the time again for no reason.

 

[aidensxmomma]

I have BPD and quite a few other mental health problems as well, including depression and anxiety. I definitely suggest you talk to your GP to get a refferal. I talked to my family doctor who was able to refer me to a psychiatrist. Then I went through testing and everything and got my diagnosis. As of right now, I'm not doing anything for it because I can't be on my medications while pregnant and I have yet to find somewhere that does DBT therapy. For me, getting diagnosed helped me a lot because it gives me a starting point so I can get help or help myself.

If you ever want to PM me and ask questions or anything, feel free to.

 

[LJaydow]

I have recently been diagnosed with this and they are putting me on mood stabilisers - not mentioned any therapy!

 

[Secret]

Hi, I was diagnosed with BPD 3 years ago when I was 19 and I also have depression with anxiety. I am currently medicated with aripiprazole, depakote and duloxetine which help with the depression and mood swings. I have also done a DBT programme and it definitely helped me to stop self harming so much. Yay! I see my doctor once sometimes twice a week for support and I have been referred to a mental health team. It is very tough but my husband has been my absolute rock and I feel totally blessed to have him as he is so kind and supportive even if he doesn't really understand the illness. I would definitely urge you to seek help from your gp as they can really make a difference.

 

[kittycat18]

I think I have this as-well because I can be very depressed on and off, have suicidal tendencies, have mood swings, drink too much, take drugs, self harm and then other times I can feel fine

 

[fluffpuffin]

thanks all. I have an appointment with my gp on Friday so I'm interested to hear what they say.