Anyone not telling family and friends about impending fertility treatments?

[PinkPeony]

So I'm about to start and IVF cycle. My family knows about my infertility and we even discussed the fact that we're going to be doing IVF this summer at some point. Now that I'm actually getting it all going, I'm not sure I want to actually share the news that it's happening with my parents and inlaws. They just haven't been the most supportive in all this in the sense that they always seem to say the wrong thing and it's like they're more interested in the nitty gritty of our doctors appointments than asking about how we're feeling.

I guess I feel like if the cycle fails the worst thing in the world would be having to share the news with my family or having them asking about it 24-7 leading up to the beta. But then if it does work I can just call and tell them I'm preg. Part of me still feels a bit guilty and that maybe I'm just complicating my life by not being open about it.

Anyone else keeping family out of it?

 

[Molae06]

Hi, just wanted to say best of luck! Dh and I are to the IVF point as well, we will be doing IVF before the summer is over, but haven't told anyone yet, although they know about our struggles, treatments etc. For me, I do not plan to tell them when we do the IVF rather. I have always wanted to be able to do the whole "surprise" aspect when we tell them. As well, the only support I am going to want if it doesn't work is dh's. Anyone else seems to always not know what to say and says the wrong thing. Anyway, best of luck in whatever you decide. Positive thoughts your way!

 

[popchick75]

I wouldn't say anything. I didn't when we did ours. It's such a personal experience to go through, not to mention stressful. The last thing I wanted was to be giving constant updates to people.

Good luck on your cycle! We just started out IUI/follistim/intralipid cycle today

 

[PinkPeony]

Thanks ladies. Sending you so much good vibes for your upcoming cycles! I think boundaries are probably a good thing in these cases. We have enough emotional turmoil to deal with, the last thing we need is family complicating things and making us feel worse.

Molae - excited for you! Hope this IVF is it for you. Feel free to chat anytime if you'd like a buddy through this craziness.

Popchick - is this your first cycle while using the intrallipids? Best of luck hun!

 

[popchick75]

Yup....first one. The infusion is on Tuesday

 

[Mrs B.]

We're telling family, but they have been very good so far since we spoke to them. If your family aren't being very supportive then I wouldn't tell them either... just bear in mind that if they're interested in the nitty gritty of your doctors appts then they are probably trying to be supportive in their own way, and just don't know how. Good luck with IVF!!

 

[Trina86]

I'm off to the FS for my first consult next week and the only people that know other than DH are my mom and my best friend. No one else even knows we have been trying. I just don't want anyone to know we are struggling, it is so personal and for us it feels right to keep it quiet.
Good luck everyone with this cycle!!!!

 

[ilovegoob]

I have told my parents, sisters and in-laws (only told the in-laws because they are helping with financing). No one else. I am so ashamed I have to do IVF to get pregnant.

 

[popchick75]

I have told my parents, sisters and in-laws (only told the in-laws because they are helping with financing). No one else. I am so ashamed I have to do IVF to get pregnant.

Aww.....why are you feeling ashamed? There is no shame in needing some help with starting a family! There are so many ways out there that you can build a family!

 

[LoveCakes]

I've told a few people initially but were not telling anyone when our next appointment is. My mum has been a bit useless saying things like 'you can't stop other people having babies'. I know she is trying to make me be sensible but this isn't soemthing sense has any part of!

To be honest I stopped myself telling a friend recently because I couldn't bear having another person to update if things go wrong.

 

[PinkPeony]

We're telling family, but they have been very good so far since we spoke to them. If your family aren't being very supportive then I wouldn't tell them either... just bear in mind that if they're interested in the nitty gritty of your doctors appts then they are probably trying to be supportive in their own way, and just don't know how. Good luck with IVF!!

That's true... it's mainly my mother can't help but say something critical and make me feel pressured. I had been seeing my FS for like 4 months trying IUI's and different medications - the standard protocol. I didn't let my mom in on any of the details. Of course right after a failed cycle she gets in my face about I should switch docs. For one thing it's a 3 month wait to see another FS where I live and for another I really liked my doctor. It wasn't her fault my body won't get preg. It just made me feel all this pressure of her impatience and like I'm doing everything wrong as usual. I can't handle that stuff with this IVF. She doesn't understand infertility and that you can be doing everything possible in medical science and still not get knocked up.

 

[Mrs B.]

Most people I talk to just don't understand infertility... but some are better than others. Might be worth just saying to your mum that, whilst you know she's not trying to upset you, she's pressuring you and stressing you out, and you need to be stress free for ivf so could she back off a bit. Worth a try! Oo, just seen your sig, not long now until you start ivf... good luck!!!

 

[PinkPeony]

Yup....first one. The infusion is on Tuesday

How'd it go Popchick?

 

[PinkPeony]

Most people I talk to just don't understand infertility... but some are better than others. Might be worth just saying to your mum that, whilst you know she's not trying to upset you, she's pressuring you and stressing you out, and you need to be stress free for ivf so could she back off a bit. Worth a try! Oo, just seen your sig, not long now until you start ivf... good luck!!!

Yeah I kinda blew up at her in a fit of tears a few months ago saying that exact thing about fertility in general. We hugged it out and she apologized but she hasn't dared ask anything about it since. My SIL told me she said - don't talk about it, she'll freak out.

 

[vietmamsie]

Hello Pink! I remember you from our acu thread so long ago. I'm so sorry to see you here in the LTTTC, yet happy we have met again! I had pretty much given up on BnB as the forums can be pretty depressing for those of us who have fertility issues. As I really feel like I need support, I was happy to discover the LTTTC forum a week or two ago.

I'm so sorry this journey has gone on so long... I remember when you did your first IUI. This is just so unfair and frustrating. Although I am not in your position, I think I would want to tell those people I would want to know. Maybe your mother isn't someone who needs to know since she doesn't seem very supportive. You might want to keep a few good friends in the loop, as you might need support from them later, or finally get to burst out the big news when you get that BFP. Really, I think you should tell as many people as you are comfortable with. You have no obligation to tell anyone if you don't feel like it.

For me, I just have one friend who is actually in the loop. My mom, husband and her are the only people that even know about the last pregnancy. I didn't even bother going to the doctor. I just wanted to do it a little more private and natural than last time. Next time, I might let a few more people know, as I feel like it just all sort of happened without really any closure or sense of loss (I only found out I was pregnant a few days before, I was just over 5 weeks along). I don't know, maybe it is better to just keep it all private.... thats what BnB is for, right? A place where we can tell all and not have to deal with repercussions.

Sorry for a ramble, hope everything goes well! Please keep us posted!

 

[Chickensoup85]

We have told our parents as they are pretty supportive; they know not to ask and that we'll update them when we're ready. I have actaully given them the link to my blog as I update that pretty regularly so they don't need to keep asking.

Part of me wishes I hadn't said anything because the surprise factor would have been great (if it works!) and also, I do dread questions when I start testing. I hope they will just let us go to them in our own time.

 

[PinkPeony]

Hello Pink! I remember you from our acu thread so long ago. I'm so sorry to see you here in the LTTTC, yet happy we have met again! I had pretty much given up on BnB as the forums can be pretty depressing for those of us who have fertility issues. As I really feel like I need support, I was happy to discover the LTTTC forum a week or two ago.

I'm so sorry this journey has gone on so long... I remember when you did your first IUI. This is just so unfair and frustrating. Although I am not in your position, I think I would want to tell those people I would want to know. Maybe your mother isn't someone who needs to know since she doesn't seem very supportive. You might want to keep a few good friends in the loop, as you might need support from them later, or finally get to burst out the big news when you get that BFP. Really, I think you should tell as many people as you are comfortable with. You have no obligation to tell anyone if you don't feel like it.

For me, I just have one friend who is actually in the loop. My mom, husband and her are the only people that even know about the last pregnancy. I didn't even bother going to the doctor. I just wanted to do it a little more private and natural than last time. Next time, I might let a few more people know, as I feel like it just all sort of happened without really any closure or sense of loss (I only found out I was pregnant a few days before, I was just over 5 weeks along). I don't know, maybe it is better to just keep it all private.... thats what BnB is for, right? A place where we can tell all and not have to deal with repercussions.

Sorry for a ramble, hope everything goes well! Please keep us posted!

Hey V! So nice to see a familiar "face" around here. I definitely prefer LTTTC to the other boards. Lot's of folks I can relate to over here.

I'm so so sorry to see you had another loss. I can't imagine how tough that is to have to go through even once. Have you been able to determine why you are having recurring losses?

Maybe in order to get closure, when you're ready do a little something to acknowledge this one plant a tree or something like that. Might help you through the grief process.

I'm here if you ever want to chat or vent.

 

[PinkPeony]

We have told our parents as they are pretty supportive; they know not to ask and that we'll update them when we're ready. I have actaully given them the link to my blog as I update that pretty regularly so they don't need to keep asking.

Part of me wishes I hadn't said anything because the surprise factor would have been great (if it works!) and also, I do dread questions when I start testing. I hope they will just let us go to them in our own time.

Thanks for your reply Chickensoup! Popped over and had a look at your blog. You're giving me 2nd thoughts about transferring 2 embryos lol! Good info!

 

[popchick75]

Yup....first one. The infusion is on Tuesday

How'd it go Popchick?

It actually went really well. You get to sit back in a recliner with some pillows and a blanket and a tv and chill out for about 2 hours with an IV. I hate to say it, but the peace and quiet was kind of nice

I have 3 follicles, the trigger is this afternoon, and IUI tomorrow!

 

[Chickensoup85]

Lol, our nurse was very convincing!