Anyone with 3 kids or had another after SN child...

[superfrizbee]

I thought I was done at 2 kids, but I can't stop thinking about a 3rd... It's crazy because I didn't feel like this after dd for a good long while and everything was straight forward. With ds not even 7 months I'm already thinking about it! He had a stroke at 7 weeks and now has dystonic hemiplegia. Although we're very lucky that it seems mild and it wont affect him cognitively, there's currently physio, occupational therapy and consultant/paediatrician appointments. I wouldn't rush to have number 3 for that reason, but maybe a 3.5 year gap. I do worry thought that that's too big a gap, about taking even more time away from my current 2 though, with ds needing so much and dd already not getting her equal share. I also wonder sometimes if I want another just to do it again without the heartache we've had with ds and have some normality. Which is crazy, as any child could have additional needs. Sorry this has turned into a ramble abut I'm trying to process my thoughts. I know I have plenty of time to decide, but I think about it a lot already! Also important I suppose is dh works long hours and I do most of the kids/house stuff with little help... Can anyone share their experience or thoughts?

 

[lusterleaf]

I am not in your specific situation but I remember feeling the same way when we were contemplating TTC #2. My DS was diagnosed with ASD at 18 months. He can be a handful and is no where near independent or self sufficient. He is still non-verbal and probably won't be potty trained for a while. However we both wanted to bring a second child into our family, my DH did not want to wait much longer because he is a bit older than me. Our kids will be about 3 years apart and I am sure it is going to be hectic, but I have gotten responses from other moms that a sibling is the best gift you can give to your child. If its something you really want then go for it.

 

[alibaba24]

I remember being insanely broody when both mine were this age. for what its worth mine are exactly 4 years apart and I LOVE this age gap for many many reasons. I would give it some time. say to yourself ok If I still feel this way in a year or so then think about it

 

[twinkletots]

I totally get you. I have three children and my second child has special needs. After my first daughter I didn't want another for a long time.
My second daughter was born nearly five years later and when we found out at birth she had special needs I immediately knew I wanted to have another baby.
11 months later my third daughter was born!!
I love the small age gap, it's a bit like having twins as they are currently both at a similar stage of development.
I hope that by having them close in age, my third daughter will aid my other daughters development.
Obviously it can be hard at times, juggling the school run, hospital appointments and therapy but I wouldn't have it any other way.

My three girls all adore each other and I hope they will all have a bond for life.

If you want another I say go for it! You will know when the time feels right x

 

[mummy2o]

I'm on my 3rd. My oldest (8) has autism. So although the 7 year age gap wasn't due to DS to that though, more that me and his dad split. I think it depends on the kind of special needs for me. DD probably is also on the spectrum and we've suspected it quite early on just due to similarities between her and her brother. They also happen to be best friends and that's great despite the age gap. DS is forever telling me Erika is sad when she cries. This will be our last for a while though as we want to travel also and any more it will cost a fortune!

 

[sethsmummy]

Hey Hun. Well you know I have my three. There is a 3 year 3 month gap between Seth and Ethan. We were never away from the hospital when I was pregnant because it was either appointments for Seth or for me (same when pregnant with rohan) but I honestly wouldn't change it for the world. Ethan is seths major trigger most of the time but he's also his best friend. It can be hard on Seth because Ethan doesn't understand that e sometimes just wants time to himself but then you see them play together and it's all worth it. It just makes it that little more challenging.
We don't know yet whether rohan is going to have any long term effects from his illness but he's already delayed (didn't lift head during tummy time till 20 weeks, and rolled at 20 weeks also).

One thing I will say though is this. Have a long think about whether you could cope with the worry of something happening again. We contemplated having another try to see if we could have a girl BUT I think it would be too much for me worrying about if this baby we going to arrive earlier than rohan or if this baby would end up in intensive care. I don't think I could go through that again so we decided that no we won't try for another.

Xx

 

[Amy_T]

I totally get you. I have three children and my second child has special needs. After my first daughter I didn't want another for a long time.
My second daughter was born nearly five years later and when we found out at birth she had special needs I immediately knew I wanted to have another baby.11 months later my third daughter was born!!
I love the small age gap, it's a bit like having twins as they are currently both at a similar stage of development.
I hope that by having them close in age, my third daughter will aid my other daughters development.
Obviously it can be hard at times, juggling the school run, hospital appointments and therapy but I wouldn't have it any other way.

My three girls all adore each other and I hope they will all have a bond for life.

If you want another I say go for it! You will know when the time feels right x

This sounds just like me! I also have 3 daughters, age 9, 4 and 2 and the second has special needs and we've had ongoing issues since I was pregnant with her. It was an horrendous pregnancy full of worry, stress and uncertainty and ended in a NICU stay but I knew instantly when she was born that I wanted another one at some point. I did wait a bit and there is a 2.5 year age gap but it's fab. The youngest is quite advanced with speech etc and the middle one is delayed so they almost meet in the middle and they are really close. I also think the youngest has really helped the middle one with her development and controlling her behaviour. I won't lie, it's hard and I often feel guilty as my middle daughter requires more care than an average 4 year old both in terms of hospital appointments and home care. But it is so worth it, her older sister is really understanding and makes allowances and her younger sister doesn't know any different.

Good luck in whatever you decide. x

 

[BrandiCanucks]

My oldest child is 8 and has microcephaly, an undiagnosed neurometabolic disease, and autism. I've since had 3 children, ages 6, 4, and 10 months, and trying for number 5. I just found out that my 10 month old may have CP from a traumatic birth. Gonna be tough but I love my kids and want a big family.

 

[busytulip]

Hey Superfrizbee :wave:
Just wanted to share a bit about our family. Here's a quick rundown
DS1- 14 yo ASD (Asperger's), SPD, and seizures
DS2- 13 yo
DS3- 11 yo ASD, SPD, long term grade III hydronephrosis (left and right), and seizures
DD1- 9 yo
DD2- 6 yo preemie, seizures, multiple hospitalizations requiring intubation and vent
DD3- 6 months, suspect early ASD

No one can tell you what is right for your family and no one knows exactly how much you can take on. Our life has been busy, scary, and beautiful. I wouldn't trade it for any other. Good luck making this decision.

 

[superfrizbee]

My oldest child is 8 and has microcephaly, an undiagnosed neurometabolic disease, and autism. I've since had 3 children, ages 6, 4, and 10 months, and trying for number 5. I just found out that my 10 month old may have CP from a traumatic birth. Gonna be tough but I love my kids and want a big family.

Hugs hun and thanks for your reply. I hope it's not cp for yours and your LOs sake but if it is I'm here if you want to talk to have any questions. This is a new journey for me too but I'll help if I can.

 

[superfrizbee]

Hey Superfrizbee :wave:
Just wanted to share a bit about our family. Here's a quick rundown
DS1- 14 yo ASD (Asperger's), SPD, and seizures
DS2- 13 yo
DS3- 11 yo ASD, SPD, long term grade III hydronephrosis (left and right), and seizures
DD1- 9 yo
DD2- 6 yo preemie, seizures, multiple hospitalizations requiring intubation and vent
DD3- 6 months, suspect early ASD

No one can tell you what is right for your family and no one knows exactly how much you can take on. Our life has been busy, scary, and beautiful. I wouldn't trade it for any other. Good luck making this decision.

There must be so much love in your house to help you all through your challenges! Wow. I just think you're incredible. How is it you have not come onto my journal telling me to get a grip?! xx

 

[BrandiCanucks]

Thanks Frizbee!

Sidenote: There's another Mommy on these boards that I'm friends with who has a Freja and Alasdhair, lol. Thought that was interesting. She's also a Mom with special kiddos.

 

[busytulip]

LOL Bless you! That wouldn't be helpful now would it?
You are facing a lot of challenges. Just because they are different from mine doesn't make them less difficult.

 

[superfrizbee]

LOL Bless you! That wouldn't be helpful now would it?
You are facing a lot of challenges. Just because they are different from mine doesn't make them less difficult.

Thanks. I feel really thankful that you're following our journal x