AP Daddies

[FemmeEnceinte]

So, how do your OHs get involved? Are they on board with AP or do they think you're a bit mad? ahaha...

OH is very much into co-sleeping and cuddling it out and I have managed to convince him that reusables are here to stay, though he's not a massive fan. Generally, he loves having Molly close and attached but is a bit nervous with babywearing, he's scared he'll trip...

Oh and he can't breastfeed, apparently. Shame.

What do the men in your LO's lives do/not do?

x

 

[kirsten1985]

Ooh, good thread

Jake was well on board with cloth nappies months before Freya was born, and loves using them. He is all about the environmental side though, prettiness means nothing to him (as you would expect, lol) and he likes nappies to be easy! I have to keep well stocked up on AIOs for him to use, lol.

He LOVES wearing Freya, and always wants to be the one doing it when we are together and out with her. He is not so good at tying the Mei Tai yet, but is getting there! He likes back carries best.

He hates the idea of co-sleeping (lucky for him so does Freya) but I often mention how much I would love to do it with the next baby and he freaks a bit as he loves his bed space! I will get my way though ha ha.

He is all for gentle discipline and 'going with the flow', although he tends to be of the opinion that dads stay out the way and mums do the hard work (as thats what his parents did). I have a hard time getting him to realise it will not be like that and I want him to do his fair share of stuff like that when Freya is older!

He is not so sure about Home Educating, he is a teacher though, so obviously he would think like that. He is slowly coming round though!

 

[anothersquish]

I could get gushy.....hes been brill, obviously when we have the two its just easier if we wear one each, hes mastered a cradle carry with a Moby and Im damn impressed! He is absolutely great with the co-sleeping and he likes it when I get up to pump early because he says its "his turn" to cuddle and sleep (most mornings I go back upstairs and OH has Theo tucked in the crook of his arm, very cute) He thinks Im a bit crackers with all my wraps and carriers and nappies (especially the nappies....) but he does get it and he forgives my nappy obsession, think he figures it could be worse (I could be out buying horses, they are a hell of a lot more expensive to buy and keep than nappies!) he was even nodding approvingly at the nappies that arrived this morning so hes definitely given up all hope I will ever stop buying them.
Im glad hes comfortable with it, he was more hands off with C but at the time he was influenced a lot more by his mother who is more of a CIO, wean at 3 months, must have bottles, dont 'spoil' the baby type...he knows now to ignore the witch.

I should add that he is very into the gentle discipline with our 5yr old now. His parents were very harsh and overreacted a lot and it made his childhood very difficult and he doesnt want that for ours.

 

[mommyof3co]

Mark is all for AP. He was fully supportive of my breastfeeding and until they weaned. He absolutely loves cosleeping and even now Hayden goes down in his own bed but comes to our room around 2am everynight. But some nights we'll be laying in bed and Mark can't sleep so he'll ask if I care if he goes and gets Hayden early lol. He loves cuddling with him while he sleeps. He is also all for answering them as soon as they cry, he doesn't agree with CIO at all. We really feel the same way about pretty much everything when it comes to the kids

 

[FemmeEnceinte]

Awww, such lovely daddies! I love hands on daddies!

If we sleep in shifts when Molly is unsettled then he enjoys his "Daddy cuddles" at night and always steals her away when he comes in from work.

I WILL get him wearing her!

 

[Lu28]

TBH, I think DH is just leaving me at it! He likes the convenience of babywearing but it's always me who babywears, he'd rather carry her and then moan that his arms are sore! He's on board with cloth nappies but prefers the easier ones. No way would he have been bothered about them if I hadn't pushed it. Having said that, he uses any excuse to drop cloth nappies into a conversation so people know about her fluff!

I think he's pleased I'm bfing although he'd never put pressure on me. He's not into co-sleeping but then again neither am I or Aisling

The one thing he really seems to be enjoying is BLW, he's really proud of her

 

[purple_socks]

OH is on board...i don't know if he would have become an AP if i wasn't into it. I suspect if he had had a child with someone who believed in CIO etc then he would prob support that instead coz i don't think he ever gave parenting methods much thought prior to Kian but as it stands he's fully supportive (and i'm 4ever reading stuff/telling him stuff about AP theory- i think thats the reason he's leant about it and become pro it)

He's always wearing Kian, he's very attached to Kiand- he cuddles him to sleep all the time (and loves it when Kian sleeps on his chest...its hard to get him to take Kian to bed! he likes sitting there cuddling him) and he supports the fact we cuddle it out and don't do CIO/CC. we r both pro gentle discapline and all that

i know its not really anything to do with AP but on the subject of approaches that go hand in hand with AP: OH sin't really a fan of using cloth nappies (altho the money saving part won him over)- altho he has been willing to give it a go and has come along to a talk on cloth nappies. generally he leaves that choice to me since i deal with more of Kians nappies being at home with him and i usually do the washing.

OH is also a big fan of BLW.

all in all i'd say OH is a very invloved parent and a very attached one...he does baby massage, somes along to signing and messy play when he can and has said a few times that he'd really love to b a SAHD.

 

[Rebaby]

Oh and he can't breastfeed, apparently. Shame.

Glad it's not just mine who uses that excuse

Seriously though, my OH has been great. I know they're not "AP" but along the natural parenting lines...he was very into the idea of cloth nappies as soon as i mentioned them (i think before i was even pregnant i chatted to him about them ) And when i was about 15 weeks pregnant we went along to the babyshow and did loads of research into them and bought the first of our stash (and he paid, if i remember correctly ) along with a bubzilla sling (which we have yet to use succesfully but that's another story)

He isn't keen on our close baby carrier because he thinks it is faffy but does like the idea of babywearing in principle.

He is very supportive of me breastfeeding and delaying weaning until we think Toby is ready, and we're both interested in doing BLW.

We co sleep and although i don't think it would be his first choice of sleeping arrangement, he doesn't complain...although having said that he has been working nights since new year but is back on day shifts next week so may get a shock when he is sharing with me and Toby every single night and fully realises how much space our (not so little anymore) guy takes up when he's asleep

I find your point interesting purplesocks, re: would OH have been an AP daddy if he'd become a daddy with someone else? I think probably mine would, as he is sort of naturally inclined towards that kind of...well 'natural' way of doing things, very laid back and easy going, a psych graduate so appreciates my ramblings on AP leading to more securely attached children etc. I guess you can never know how things would be in an alternate universe though hey?

But getting back to this universe... he's a brill daddy to Toby and we agree pretty much 100% on most of our parenting choices so far (yay!)

 

[lfernie]

My oh loves cuddling it out and cosleeping, very supportive of bfing (he likes to say, there's nothing fitter than a breastfed nipper' I think he got it off some advert ) he loves the idea of babywearing and wore the moby a few times but he says it hurts his shoulders and he thinks the nappies are cool but isn't overly bothered by them, he thinks they're a bit of a faff but I buy ones which I think appeal to his nature to try and get him more 'into them' all in all he does pretty well x

 

[Vici]

We don't co sleep and never have but OH was very very supportive in my 6 week mission of trying to BF! He loves to wear her and if we are out as a 3, its always him who takes her He was and is as much into cloth as I am - not the buying bit tho

 

[JayleighAnn]

Lee is happy with cloth nappies, co-sleeping and babywearing....if its me doing the wearing lol he's worn him a couple times but says its uncomfortable I ask him to explain so I can help and he just says "no its not comfortable" and takes it off

 

[Nic1107]

My DH hasn't actually met C yet, but most of the practices talked about here were things he grew up with so I imagine- and he says- that he wants to raise C the same way. Co-sleeping, baby-wearing, and attachment parenting are the norm to him, and he can swaddle a baby faster and better than I can! He even had his mom send me a traditional baby carrier, although it's a little more complicated so I'll be sticking with my Sleepy Wrap for now.

 

[Kota]

My OH is great, he happily baby wears using the bjorn and if we're out as a 3, its always him doing the wearing, he'll also happily wear her out for a couple of hours on a sat morning so i can play sleep catch up.
He fully supports me BF'ing however occassionally uses the 'f' word thinking it may make things easier on me if we supplement, he's quicklt learning that isn't what I want and especially not aftr taking 5wks to get LO exclusively BF'd.
We co sleep and while its not his first choice of arrangements, he understands that for the time being it works better for me and I get more sleep that way so he's happy to go with it.
He's really supportive of doing BLWing and we're both super excited about that when the time comes.
and I mentioned today my interest in going to cloth once we move to Australia and didn't get an objection so looks like we'll be going with that as well.
Overall a very hands on daddy and while we may differ on some things, the majority of parenting ideals we agree on.

 

[pinkclaire]

I love that slogan, nothing fitter than a breastfed nipper! That's the sort of thing my OH would come out with!

My hubby has never read anything on parenting methods but he has really helped me feel comfortable with attached parenting. He never pushed me to bf, that was my choice, but he said secretly he is pleased I do (he told me this after we started getting established so as to support me bless him) he suggested BLW which we will try and do, he loves wearing James, I woke up this morning with James in our sling on him and he always uses our baby carrier (I hardly ever do!). We were forced into co sleeping as James wouldn't go down, I really beat myself up about it as I was brought up this was a bad thing to do and he made me feel so much better about it, saying if our baby wants to be close to his mummy then that's what we do. I've since read up about attachment parenting and I'm so glad we made these decisions as it felt natural to us anyway. I can't stand CIO there is no way I will be practicing that! So from now on I will give my hubby more credit on his decisions lol.

 

[spidey]

I've enjoyed reading this thread, so I will add my post

I didn't plan to do AP (didn't even know what it was), but stumbled into it quickly. DH wasn't thrilled with the idea of changing dirty diapers while I was pregnant, but from day 1 he jumped right in and I didn't change a single diaper the first 3 weeks! However, we use disposables... with baby #2 I will be less overwhelmed with everything and give cloth diapers a go. DH baby wears too but does complain a bit about his back... so most of the time he carries Kira in his arms and is always the one holding her when we're out

He's okay with co-sleeping and fully supports BF- he even went to a BF class with me and learned proper latching etc. We're doing BLW too and he loves that! Even when I was pregnant he supported my wish to have a natural birth and learned all the hypnosis cues to help me during labor. He's a very involved Daddy

 

[adzuki]

Like PS, I don't thing Y would have been an AP if I wouldn't be one. Not because he is more into CIO or anything, but because he was raised to leave it up to the mom's. Secretly, I think he's happy that we do it the way we do

I mostly bottle feed (my story on that is elsewhere) and Y gets truly sad if he doesn't get to give her her last bottle of the day. He sits there stroking her hair as she sucks away....sigh.

We don't co-sleep, as we are both very active sleepers and our place only fits a queen sized bed. But we do co-nap (when only one of us is in the bed), and Y does that waaaaay more often than I. He adores baby snuggles! He was the one who suggested leaving the crib in our bedroom.

He was into the cloth diapering with me from the start - though from an environmental standpoint (and financial one!)

He really supports the babywearing, but is hesitant to do it because he's scared to trip (though I think he's more scared that I'll trip - I'm a clutz!). So I wear her about70% of the time and he'll wear her 30% of the time. He doesn't trust himself to put the carrier on correctly when he's by himself.

His dad love him a lot, but due to cultural and individual stuff, was quite distant when Y was a kid.

Y wants more than anyting to be the opposite of that.


A

 

[Jetters]

Wow, aren't you all lucky! What a great thread!!

I'm single, buuuut FOB is happy for me to lead the way. He was appalled by the idea of the nappies and wipes though ("I really think you're taking your hippiness too far, Yasmin!! ") until they arrived and he actually saw them- now he thinks it's a great idea! (Mind you, since we don't live together, he wont be doing the washing etc, but at least he's happy to use them.)

He also wants to buy a sling for himself, and thinks it's fabbbb that i'm going to co-sleep (although he's worried there'll be no room for him when he stays over.... *points to couch*) hehehe!

 

[purple_kiwi]

my OH was the one that suggested co-sleeping lol as i had a c-section and he had to keep getting up to get her for me and he got tired and finally said just keep her in the bed lol. he loves that i breastfeed and got in a big rant about how he thinks people should be more accepting of it (i so wanted to hug him for that as public breast feeding has been hard for me) he prefers our wrap to the stoller but i dont think he will cary her yet and he doesnt mind cloth diapers i have a bunch of prefolds but no covers so havnt got to try yet

 

[littlestar]

My hubby is a fab daddy, as soon as he gets home from work it's daddy cuddle time! he honestly says he doesn't mind my nappy obsession but if it had been left to him he'd probably be using sposies, but it's not i do 98% of the changes anyway and the washing, so he goes with it!

he loves that i bf but still finds it too weird when we he's worried my bb's will get all excited and squirt him.

we haven't babyworn v.much but Q's a chunky monkey (nearly 18lbs @ 4 months) so i'm keen not to aggravate my often sore back.

as for cio - hubby hates the idea, my mum always tells me to put Q in his room for a nap and leave him to cry. i'd never do that if sleeping on me is the only way to get him to nap during the day - so be it! we co-nap but not co-sleep hubby does ALOT of driving for his job and co-sleeping would damage his sleep, would hate the thought of him in an accident on the road.

 

[Roxy7]

What a great thread! I think my parenting style arises out of my upbringing - I'm half Asian so most of what might be termed "AP" in the west was the norm for my father and, as for my mum, who's white, I think she just went with it and it was very instinctive for her.

The big turning point was when I bought the book !The Science of Parenting" for DP before our son was born. He's very scientific and the book was an instant hit with him. All the scientific research supports AP style parentingand he was totally up for it since then.

He's incredibly close to our son and has basically done every aspect of parenting except breastfeed which I did exclusively, with no expressing (and I felt very territorial about it). We're fortunate that we are both SAH parents. This will be particularly helpful given that I'm expecting twins next month and intend to parent them in the same way. It's been fab that DS is so attached to his dad that I've felt very little guilt as I've had to withdraw from a lot of the physical interactions as I've become less and less able to carry, cuddle, bend down etc for DS - dad just does it all now! In fact, I am in the spare room and they co-sleep!