Ask a mum who has 4 children by 3 different fathers

[nikkip75]

thank god times have changed aswell!!

i cant imagine what it would be like now if id have had to stay with my first daughters dad for fear of being looked down on!!

we are lucky we have the choice now...

 

[xxxjacxxx]

I'm glad to learn that its more common than I actually thought and I'm not the only one!

Gosh, imagine living back in the 50's/60's and having 4 kids by 3 men, we'd have been strung up

 

[huggybear]

hey Jac

How do you deal with say pressies and holidays etc, do any of the kids dads try to outdo one another with pressies and how do you deal with this? Would you allow DD to say go Disney or would you put a stop to this as it wouldnt be fair on the others??? (This used to happen in my family and wasnt dealt with very well leaving loads of jealousy and resentment). x

 

[kelly2903]

this thread is great i love it yay yay yay lol...

your life is pretty much same as mine only im on the other end im dads girlfriend
i get really well with my OH kids mum and she is very close to my little girl... she is fab she allows me to have full access into her kids life even when there is a desision that needs making she involves me and asks my opinion
do you get on with ryans dads girlfriend??? ( asked about ryan due to courtneys dad been an arse hole ) sorry justing qouting you lol xx

 

[Rachiebaby24]

im so glad to hear that they dont get the 'half' thing. i feel really strongly about it! we were brought up in the 'no halfs in this house' way too, so it doesnt even enter my mind that J isnt my full biological brother.. we are siblings like the rest of us are, so it never fails to shock me when people bring it up like its the first thing they think when i say 'my brother'!

I agree!! My two brothers are mixed race and yet still they are not half brothers to me. They are my brothers and i get upset if anyone says anything!

 

[MrsBop]

Not so much a question to do with 4 kids by 3 men, just a question because I'm nosey lol! Do you think you'll have anymore babies?

 

[tasha41]

If your eldest 2 have been bad, does your OH have the authority to discipline them? Or is everything left to you as you are the parent? What kind of role/boundaries does he have with them? Like I'm sure he is the positive male figure and being good to their mum is a big part of it, but does he have responsibilities like picking them up from school or friends' places or anything like that? Does he ever get "you're not my dad" etc like you see in movies/TV?

Does your OH have any other children?

How did your older two react when you started a new relationship?

 

[xxxjacxxx]

hey Jac

How do you deal with say pressies and holidays etc, do any of the kids dads try to outdo one another with pressies and how do you deal with this? Would you allow DD to say go Disney or would you put a stop to this as it wouldnt be fair on the others??? (This used to happen in my family and wasnt dealt with very well leaving loads of jealousy and resentment). x

courts has been to Turkey with her dad last year and Ryan wasn't bothered! He actually doesn't like planes so its not a big deal. Xmas can be a total nightmare, nothing to do with jelousy but the amount of presents they both get aswell as from us is verging on ridiculous! I dont think Ryans dad competes when buying his gifts but I think Courts does. I think with him its abit like 'i'll show you i can spoil her more than you' But seriously Ryan and Courteney are both at an age now where they know that sometimes one will get without the other and thats not my fault, they seem to understand. To be honest they both get pretty much what they want off me and Ant anyways so it doesnt really leave any room for resentment/jelousy.
If Courts dad offered to take her to disney then no, I wouldnt stand in her way! Its not her fault she and Ryan have different dads is it? Ryan would understand anyway, and we are taking all of them to Florida for xmas next year anyways!

this thread is great i love it yay yay yay lol...

your life is pretty much same as mine only im on the other end im dads girlfriend
i get really well with my OH kids mum and she is very close to my little girl... she is fab she allows me to have full access into her kids life even when there is a desision that needs making she involves me and asks my opinion
do you get on with ryans dads girlfriend??? ( asked about ryan due to courtneys dad been an arse hole ) sorry justing qouting you lol xx

I dont really have anything to do with any of their Girlfriends tbh, especially Courteneys dads Ryans dads G/F is really young (22/23) and isnt my cup of tea tbh..she sometimes comes to pick Ryan up but the stories I hear from Ryan about her I dont think I want to befriend her. Besides she's up Courteneys Dads sisters arse (sorry did that make sense?) and I dont get on with Courts dad or his sister

Not so much a question to do with 4 kids by 3 men, just a question because I'm nosey lol! Do you think you'll have anymore babies?

Ohhh good question! Right now I would say no, but time will tell when Leo starts school.

If your eldest 2 have been bad, does your OH have the authority to discipline them? Or is everything left to you as you are the parent? What kind of role/boundaries does he have with them? Like I'm sure he is the positive male figure and being good to their mum is a big part of it, but does he have responsibilities like picking them up from school or friends' places or anything like that? Does he ever get "you're not my dad" etc like you see in movies/TV?


Does your OH have any other children?

How did your older two react when you started a new relationship?

We are all pretty balanced tbh. The way I see it, Ant is their step father, he has brought them up for the last 8 years and he has as much right to discipline them and have a say in their futures, more so than their natural fathers. Whilst they live under my roof this will be the way it is. I wont have any of 'your not my dad' although Courts has said it in the past, it didnt go down too well with me! She hasn't bothered since.
He has more of an impact on them than I do when It comes to disciplining I'm rubbish, they take the piss outa me I dont allow him to smack them though or any sort of physical contact whatsoever. But we usually discuss forms of punishment together and make sure each of us is happy with the decision as we dont want them resenting Ant for dishing out the punishments all of the time. So we keep it so both of us do the punishing. Obv, if One of us is alone and has to deal with a situation then we have to deal with it appropriately.
He runs them about like nobodys business! If he's here and one of them needs to get some place then yes, he takes them. He doesnt mind at all. He buys them stuff all the time..he even has a contract phone in his name for Ryan so he can contact us when he's out..although all we get are calls to ask us to pick him up!
One thing I was quick to point out in the beginning with Ant, was I expect him to treat my kids as best he could, afterall they come as a package with me..., this was very important to me as I didnt want them feeling left out. He's brill with them.
No Ant doesnt have any other children, just my 2 youngest.
At the beginning it was a bit unsettling for them, especially Ryan as he was around 5, so was used to seeing Courteneys dad around all the time...they were pretty close , then one day he was gone and Ant was there.. Thats kinda the way it happened. (i split from Ryans dad when he was 6 months so he wont teemember that)
He adapted pretty well though, I just tried to make up but giving lots more cuddles and time to him. Courts was 2 so she doesnt remember much about the beginning.
It was all abit unsettled at the beginning and I look back and think it must have been so confusing for them, especially Ryan, but they are both well behaved kids now so we are on the right track

 

[Serene123]

I have a "half" brother and sister, and I only ever have to tell people when they ask how old my brother is, and I say 37, then my mum and I say 45.......... "So your mum had your brother when she was 8..............?"

 

[kelly2903]

this thread is great i love it yay yay yay lol...

your life is pretty much same as mine only im on the other end im dads girlfriend
i get really well with my OH kids mum and she is very close to my little girl... she is fab she allows me to have full access into her kids life even when there is a desision that needs making she involves me and asks my opinion
do you get on with ryans dads girlfriend??? ( asked about ryan due to courtneys dad been an arse hole ) sorry justing qouting you lol xx

I dont really have anything to do with any of their Girlfriends tbh, especially Courteneys dads Ryans dads G/F is really young (22/23) and isnt my cup of tea tbh..she sometimes comes to pick Ryan up but the stories I hear from Ryan about her I dont think I want to befriend her. Besides she's up Courteneys Dads sisters arse (sorry did that make sense?) and I dont get on with Courts dad or his sister



that makes perfect sense...... also the funniest thing my step son is ryan he is almost 14 and his mums boyfriend is ant so weird cause when i ws reading about you from your answers i thought wow is that the kids mum so weird well sounds like you have a great relationship going on in your family all the best hun. xx

 

[Jelly Bean]

Honey my question for you is where are you meeting all these men???

After leaving my tw*t of a husband, I'm worried I'll never fall in love, get married and have another baby (I really, really want no. 2 and 3).

 

[xxxjacxxx]

Well do you know what.. number 2 (courts dad) always used to say to me that I should be thankful I had him as nobody else would have me and my 2 kids...he would tell me to go and find someone else and he wishes me luck!

I still giggle the night I walked into the house and told him I'd met someone else...his face was a picture....he left the next morning

Ive found my number 1 now, im sure of that

 

[sam*~*louize]

Ive found my number 1 now, im sure of that

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

 

[xxxjacxxx]

shush you! x

 

[Jelly Bean]

Oh no wonder, I just saw your profile pic, you're gorgeous!

 

[sharshar]

well I found this thread by accident, but thought I'd share. I have 2 children from my first marriage (they are now 15 and 12) then I have a daughter from my second marriage (or should I say from my accidental pregnancy to a guy a would never ever marry, but I married him because I couldn't imagine explaining to my then 8 and 6 year old that i was pregnant but NOT married). And now.....I am "married" to my best friend since grade school. We live together with my 3 kids and his 2 kids, who also spend half the time with their other parent. One household, 3 last names, 3 other parents. His Ex-wife is remarried and hates me, and her new husband hates both my man and myself. My ex's rarely have anything to do with each other, but when they must they are fine. Same with me. It's pretty much fine. The most important thing is that my 3 kids consider themselves siblings....not Half-siblings.No one dared refer to anyone of them as anything less than an important member of the family; none are half of anything but the whole of everything.

Its busy, with comings and goings of 5 kids from 3 different parents. And yes, when one parent buys one an ipod touch and none of the others have one......but they get that they have different parents. All get to travel a whole lot with their other parent (we can't figure out how to afford to travel with 5 kids.....we can barely fit them in the car)

so......ya. that's us.