At my breaking point, is enough finally enough?

[Molae06]

It's been about 4 years now that we have been ttc. About a year and a half ago my dr finally gave in and I began treatments. The on BFP I ever had ended in early miscarriage and that baby would be due in a mere 9 days on December 21st. So in October dh and I were up all night before my IUI appointment fighting and fighting about the money. After crying and fighting all night I called the clinic in the morning and told them I wouldn't be in. I felt like I had given up, why were we wasting ONE month, ONE try. It seemed like eternity until the next cycle. So last month when it was time for my follie ultrasound, I was sooo ready I tell you. Everything looked good, awesome to be exact, I was given my trigger and IUI was scheuled for the next day. That night me and hubby were scheduled to meet friends for dinner, but he had clients come in really late and so I left without him and told him I would bring him take out. During dinner I sent him a silly text telling him "Don't twerk it, dr in the morning", by that I meant So help me if you masturbate and waste sperm I will kill you. He replies "I'm not, your bringing dinner home right?" What do I find when I come home, porn in an open browser on the computer and him in the bathroom washing his hands, him still half hard (sorry if tmi). I litterally flipped out, I couldn't get over it, I was smashing things, screaming. I honestly can't remember a time when I have been more pissed at him for anything, ever! Wasted the sperm, how could he? Needless to say, BFN 2 weeks later. Thanks a lot dh, used to think we were in this together. That was 21 days ago and I am still furious. I can't stop flipping out, I speed off in the middle of the night and just drive around, listen to music and cry. I am beginnning to think this must be it for us. Anyone have a similar experience, or am I completely alone?

 

[Princess Lou]

I'm not in the same situation as you are but I am sorry you're going through this. I cant imagine how it feels.

I don't want to sound harsh or anything but is it possible that he doesn't want to get pregnant and is deliberately sabotaging your chances? It just seems like a very stupid, selfish and deliberate act. Especially as he told you he wouldn't.

I hope you get it sorted soon.

 

[Blue12]

My dh and I had really rough times like that. Dh was so dense about some stuff. Even during our ivf cycle he kept suggesting we ttc naturally and I had to remind him it wasn't safe due to all the meds I was on.

Best wishes. You will get through it. Have you had a serious talk with him about this?

 

[Oh_Clementine]

 

[Briss]

so sorry you are going through this. I feel exactly the same but about my DH's drinking. he knows perfectly well that all our problems because he does not have enough sperm and the main reason for this is his drinking and yet he keeps doing it. so every time he gets home really drunk I feel like killing him and I am not exaggerating because that's exactly what he does, by drinking he deprives me of a chance for a baby for my continuation and I consider this a murder of my entire blood line, I should stop writing I can feel my blood boiling as I type it really upsets me so much and I feel so hopeless. I will never understand why men cant see what damage they are causing

 

[2have4kids]

I can relate, I fight terribly with my OH. Our issues are commuication, he'll pull stuff on a friday night when we're relaxing, say horrible insensitive things. He'll support his brother insulting me and not stand up for me. We fight alot and I've asked him to move out or get his shit together. He always chooses to apologise and get his shit together until the next time.

It is getting better, he sees the pain he's causing and I don't think he wants me to divorce him. He knows I will. His brother is divorced and I tell him he's acting the same way, divorce material.

It's tough especially when the heat is on and you want a child. If I divorce him who do I go to for sperm? Seriously, I've maybe got a few years left with premature ovarian diminishment. I wouldn't expect a person I start dating would want to go through Ivf and I don't believe in Canada you can easily share eggs and sperm. I think giving my OH something to think about (we had a blow out 2 weeks ago and i told him I don't want him in my life anymore, he doesn't do me any good, take take take etc) and he chose to really really try hard to please me. I don't recommend this because your man may not react the same way. I really was thinking I had nothing to loose when I said it.

 

[Aradia]

It's not quite the same, but when I started my first round of Clomid, it seemed like DH thought that it by itself would get me pregnant. There were a couple of cycles that we never did BD, but I caught him several times watching porn alone.

When I asked him if we should just give up, he said no he really wants us to have kids. I explained to him that Clomid isn't exactly a walk in the park, and it certainly won't do the job all by itself, and that if he is not 100% serious about it, then I wasn't going to take it anymore. He got better for a bit, but still I feel like maybe he doesn't want it to happen even though he says he does.

 

[tawanamood]

Sounds like my DH!!! Last weekend was spent at my parents because he had to come home with his friend drunk. I threw a fit and they both ran out. About 10 minutes later I took an OPK and it was positive so I sent DH a pic.

DH promptly came home and started ranting and raving about off the wall crap. We didn't BD at all because I left. Next day he sobered up and I came home briefly (we DTD) then left again because I was still extremely angry about the night before.

My husband wants to be a father again, but actions speak louder than words. I think something gets into men where they get bull headed and absolutely refuse to consider their partner's feelings or look at their entire circumstance. It's amazing how ovulating can make tensions rise and this happens just about every medicated cycle.

Maybe all the drama is making us TTC longer, but honestly women conceive under much harsher circumstances so I doubt it.

 

[Molae06]

I'm suprised to see all of the women in similar circumstances or with similar stories. I always thought people would think I was crazy or wonder why in the heck I would want to conceive a child with this man (whom I love to death). Funny thing is, the things we fight about sex, money for the fertility treatments etc are things that most people I know don't ever fight about or even have to deal with for that matter, so for them to judge my circumstance and marriage doesn't seem right. Up until now I thought I was the only one in the world having a heated argument in the middle of the night because hubby is "too tired" to bd. When ovulation is imminent, how can you be too tired I wonder??? I don't care if I have been awake for 72 hrs straight, I don't waste a chance. The following days after arguments like this I ask him why he would rather waste 4 hours in the middle of the night arguing rather than 10 minutes and then everyone shuts up and goes to sleep, he has yet to answer me, there are no words. Gets me aggitated just thinking about it.

 

[Mrs Jewksey]

It just sounds like hes just not as commited and obsessed with making a baby as you are. Four years is a very long time TTC & perhaps if he's often being demanded upon to "make an effort" he may just be fed up with it. TTC can ruin relationships.

But then again, porn is trouble. Me and my DH have been together for 5 years nearly & never has he masturbated apart from to produce a sperm test because he has a low sex drive. He's just not interested in porn or dressing up or anything like that, although our is regular.

It just sounds like he couldn't resist having a w*nk to be honest, and the fact that you had specifically told him not to probably made it even more appealing.

Yes, it was selfish, but playing blue murder is not going to help. I think you should try and settle & focus on something else because all those negative feelings flying around won't be helping anything.

Don't worry though, you are not the only one going through things like this. My DH is often "too tired" when I'm ovulating also, although he does make up for it the next day usually (or else!)

I'm sorry you have had to go through this, I would not have been pleased at all either have you spoken to him? x

P.S I also don't get why they spend 4 hours arguing, instead of ten minutes enjoying themselves, what the hell is with that? I've said exactly the same thing to my dh & he replied "Yes, but I'm just too tired for sex!"
WHAT!?! Talk sense, stupid man!