Babies and Marriage, advice

[GreatMama]

I am at a strange state at this point and I need help.

My wonderful boyfriend and I have been together for a couple of years and I can see going for decades. He recently turned the big 30 and he now wants to start a family. I do to, sometimes I do too much lol.

My problems is I wants one so incredibly bad but I want to be married. We basically are but not legally. Him and I are not far off but we are not there yet but he has openly stated he wants to have 3 kids before he turns 35 and he wants them with me. He wants to wait a couple more years for marriage but wants kids now.

I want to be have more children (have 1- 4 year who lights my world) but I have had a horrible experience with my 1st with the pregnancy and financially. I want to do everything in my power to prevent something like that happening again. Being a single parent of one is hard and I wish that on no one. Its nearly an unrealistic fear I have but none the less it is there.

These are very conflicting emotions, those of which has been going on for months now. It is driving me insane. I love this man with all my heart and I have never seen a man so good with my little one, my son calls him dad. I have this burning desire for more children but my fears I feel are holding me back and I just do not know what to do. I have moments of lets do it to I will not until I am legally attached to you. lol I have never actually said it like that.

Please let me know if anyone has had that situation or something similar, even if you have just advice. I will take it in, I am tired of being dragged back and forth. Having a baby is very serious for me, a life decision and I don't want to jump in unless I am completely sure.

 

[Kitteh_Kat]

Did he say why he wants to wait for marriage?

I voted for children first. Having been through a divorce, I know how weak they can be, even with the legalities. My biological father managed to get out of paying any support to my mother even though they had been married. Hubby and I only got married because he went military and we had to be for me to get all of the dependent benefits, including housing. We started trying for DD before we got married and it worked out for us.

You know what is best for your situation though, so if you're that nervous then maybe waiting and working on getting him to the marriage point would be better. Hope everything works out!

 

[Angel022605]

I am at a strange state at this point and I need help.

My wonderful boyfriend and I have been together for a couple of years and I can see going for decades. He recently turned the big 30 and he now wants to start a family. I do to, sometimes I do too much lol.

My problems is I wants one so incredibly bad but I want to be married. We basically are but not legally. Him and I are not far off but we are not there yet but he has openly stated he wants to have 3 kids before he turns 35 and he wants them with me. He wants to wait a couple more years for marriage but wants kids now.

I want to be have more children (have 1- 4 year who lights my world) but I have had a horrible experience with my 1st with the pregnancy and financially. I want to do everything in my power to prevent something like that happening again. Being a single parent of one is hard and I wish that on no one. Its nearly an unrealistic fear I have but none the less it is there.

These are very conflicting emotions, those of which has been going on for months now. It is driving me insane. I love this man with all my heart and I have never seen a man so good with my little one, my son calls him dad. I have this burning desire for more children but my fears I feel are holding me back and I just do not know what to do. I have moments of lets do it to I will not until I am legally attached to you. lol I have never actually said it like that.

Please let me know if anyone has had that situation or something similar, even if you have just advice. I will take it in, I am tired of being dragged back and forth. Having a baby is very serious for me, a life decision and I don't want to jump in unless I am completely sure.

My first instinct is marriage first because that's how I was raised. I also have a family friend that decided to have children before marriage and they are more in love today than ever before. Look at it this way, he loves your son like one of his own and that says a lot right there. Go with your heart. It'll all work out just fine