Baby blues. Feeling incredibly sad.

[mummytobe_93]

I have a 6 day old son and a 20 month old daughter.
My son arrived very quickly qnd was born on my bathroom floor with no pain relief and delivered by my partner so his birth was a massive shock. I didn't have time to process it, one second I was one early labour with regular contractions, next my waters broke and he was born with in ten minutes.
I was so happy when he was born and he cried. I felt an instant connection the kind of happiness and love everyone talks about when you see your baby for the first time (something I never felt with my first) I was so happy for the first day. But then that night I was alone in hospiral an over whelming feeling of sadness kicked in and it hasn't gone since.

I wanted my pregnancy to be so badly over and now I don't want anything more than to have my bump back and have him wriggling inside me, having him all to myself and not having to share him with anyone.

I am so sad that he's going to grow so quickly. I want him to stay tiny forever. I want him to need me and want me forever. His sister is already so Indepenent.

I also feel guilty on his older sister. I thought it would be hard to love my son as much as I love her but at the moment im finding it very hard to love her (that sounds terrible) she is my whole world but watching how destructive she is (like toddlers are) and her doing all the things I don't have the patience for drives me mad. And on the other hand I feel so guilty, I feel bad looking like I'm enjoying her brother in front of her. Not enjoying those last few weeks together as having her as my only chile because I was too focused on getting labour started and getting the baby out.
Ah I feel terrible im trying not to cry because I don't want my partner to think I'm an idiot and I don't want to have to explain myself.

I'm also sad because he may or may not be my last. If we have any more it won't be for atleast 7 years
It's like I want the pregnancy and the excitement of the birth and the birth and the new born but nothing afterwards

I was so happy when my labour was over but all I want now is to be able to do it over and over again so I can meet him and kiss him for the first time
Is it normal to feel so sad?

 

[MumToEva]

Yes hun, sometimes it's normal to feel like that - I say sometimes because it doesn't happen with every baby / birth. I had a bad case of baby blues after my first child, but was absolutely fine after my 2nd. I think you need to tell your partner how you are feeling - it's more likely to develop into post-natal depression if you pretend everything is ok and keep it all inside, so you need to let him in on how you are feeling. Don't worry about him thinking bad of you for it - you've had a lot to deal with a traumatic birth that you hadn't prepared yourself for just yet, plus your hormones are still all Over the place that close to giving birth. Other things that helped me start to feel better was having a good routine during the day (like getting washed and dressed every morning rather than sitting around in my pjs, meals at regular times, etc), going for a walk outside in the fresh air every day, and trying to eat as healthily as possible.

Hope you start to feel a bit better soon!

 

[ZooMa]

I completely understand how you feel. Your hormone withdrawal is massive, plus you're dealing with the shock/trauma/grief of his unexpected birth. Glad it all worked out for you but I understand when you say you weren't quite ready for it, or how it happened.

I also totally get loving the newborn who is cuddly and depends on you completely, and resenting the annoying, demanding and jealous sibling.

Just know THIS TOO WILL PASS. Newborn time goes quickly, and that is ok to mourn- but you know all the smiles and joys that await you as well.

Please please please don't discount the influence of hormones. My blues lasted 2-3 weeks and lightened up over a day or two suddenly. If you're still really down after a couple weeks do talk to a provider about PPD and start antidepressants early if needed. And get some sleep! The first night I let someone take the baby and got 5 hours sleep I was a new woman in the morning!

Hang in there, I promise you'll feel better and more at peace soon.

 

[babytots]

Hugs hun the baby blues in those early days are so hard. If it helps I felt the same way but it does pass. my son is now 4 weeks old and although I do still feel the same its not constantly nagging at me or making me teary I can live with it if that makes sense? x

 

[Lizzybee]

Wow, I felt the same whe I had mine. I didn't know I would feel like that and pretended everything was fine because I didn't want anyone thinking I was depressed. I remember the midwife writing I was tearful in my notes so I covered up by laughing and joking all the time. I wish I'd been honest with everyone because I think it would have passed quicker. Instead I blamed sad things on TV. Or lied that I'd banged my toe/ baby head butted me etc.

 

[cookette]

I had this too honey, and while I loved my daughter, I didn't REALLY fall in love until she was 3 months. When she hit 6 months, I was still dealing with uncontrolled crying, suicidal thoughts, and intense rage. Never directed at my daughter, but usually myself or my husband. I could be rational about it, but couldn't control how I felt.

I was diagnosed with PPD. Don't ignore signs, if you're starting to have intrusive thoughts or cant rationalize your emotions, get help. I never told anyone how I was feeling because I was ashamed, I wish I had sought help sooner.