Baby bonding?

[keepinitreal1]

I had my DS a little over three weeks ago and don't get me wrong, I love him to pieces. But I feel like everything these first weeks is a chore- 8 diapers- check; 8 feeds - check. 15 hours of sleep- check.

It's different to what I expected, since I can see him recognize my voice and he loves to snuggle, but he immediately starts looking for my boob and sucking on my shirt even if he just ate his fill and then some. I feel like a walking milk bottle...

And the terrible thing is I feel like a terrorist since the only goal now with him being so small and not really being able to do anything with him is to get him up, diaper chang, bf and back to bed.

Or am I missing some great new part of a life with a newborn nobody told me about?

And sorry for the ramble, he's been sleeping terribly for the past 2 days

 

[loeylo]

Not at all! I felt the exact same. I loved her but never got the mad gush of love that people describe. I remember getting upset that she cried because it meant I had to do the cycle again.

They are so little and don't interact, aside from feeding, changing and sleeping there isn't much they can do.

It does get easier. I found a big difference at around 10 weeks when she consistently smiled, then again at about 4 months when she properly started to play. Just because you don't have that gush does not mean that you love your wee one any less!

 

[jessmke]

I felt the same way. I loved her but I was just basically bored out of my mind. My DD literally did nothing but sleep and eat for the first month at least. I would take her out for a walk in the stroller or carrier every day starting at about 2 weeks old. We also have a gym in our basement which I would use while she was sleeping just to give me something to do besides watching tv. I also cleaned my house. A lot. When she was awake I just felt like her servant until she fell back asleep. I would try to play with her but she would either fall asleep or stare at me blankly so I couldn't tell if she was interested or not. I remember googling 'how to play with a three week old baby' but she didn't seem at all interested in the suggested activities. Then around 10 weeks old she started smiling and interacting more. Now at 4 months she is really fun, she plays and laughs and smiles, reaches out to me when she sees me, tries to play with the dogs. Today she thought the word 'toot' was hysterically funny. She also laughed hysterically every time the cat walked past her. Basically she is no longer boring and it is so much easier to bond now. Hang in there, it gets better!

 

[calm]

I remember feeling similar, but probably worse. I couldn't be apart from my two, was very protectice, but i didn't feel this incredible gush either. I was also ill, and had family problems, and there are also two of my babies. I felt like I was in a factory of feeding and nappy changing, and then when I couldn't even ever sleep at night I felt like I was not important anymore, like my needs just did not exist. Fast forward to now, its still hard for me, but I now feel very happy and fullfilled and I LOVE being a mummy. I totally understand how it can feel at the beginning X

 

[Iren_iren]

Newborns are very demanding without giving back, i felt the same with my first.
They have basic instincts to keep them alive, so eat, sleep, repeat
Wait couple of weeks when baby starts to smile back at you, laugh when you tickle, it will come.

 

[keepinitreal1]

Thanks ladies for the reassurance - I feel a lot better now, since I can totally relate to your experience. Basically as I see it now, it's a waiting game to get through the first couple of months until they really become a person instead of being just a little human

I expect that will bring a whole new set of trials and troubles, but I'm looking forward to it.

 

[DaisyDreamer]

I felt the same way with Z for the first several weeks, especially since his weight gain was a concern. I questioned whether he loved me, if he was upset with me because I got frustrated with him etc. But when they slowly start becoming more aware, smiling, cooing, calming down as soon as you hold them, you will feel it. That's when I felt connected with my baby

Try to take LO out for walks, and get some things done when they are asleep if you are rested enough. And enjoy as much as you can, they grow so fast and are only this little once

 

[dani_tinks]

Completely normal to be feeling the way you do, the first couple of weeks are so hard, but it does get easier and more rewarding. Hang in there

 

[MindUtopia]

It sounds like you're doing great. Honestly, I think it's a bit of a myth, and a really unfortunate one at that, that everyone feels a bond or feels like it's all rainbows and unicorns at first. I do know a few friends who did. But for most, it takes time. It's like any relationship in life. You have to work on it and you have to give yourself some time to adjust. My daughter is 3 now and we have an incredible bond (I would add, I think in no small part because I've parented very intuitively, no baby books, none of the 'this expert said...' crap, I just listened to my gut), but it's come in waves. When she was born, I felt responsibility for her, like I didn't anyone to accidentally drop her, but I don't think I really felt a particular bond until she was probably 8-10 weeks old. And then it got even deeper around maybe 9 months and then again later and even stronger now that she is old enough to able to express herself and tell me how she feels about me and do really kind things for me, etc. At first, they really are just a blob that does a lot of taking and not much giving back. That's totally normal. But it does mean you need to give yourself some time to let yourself grow into the relationship and for the bond to blossom. It doesn't happen right away as soon as they're born and it's always growing and changing as they get bigger and you change as a parent too. Sounds like you're doing a great job so far, so just keep hanging in there.

 

[keepinitreal1]

Mind, Thank you! I think you put in into words very well - I think many of us feel guilt in the first few weeks over not feeling completely inlove with our newborns. I keep going from "oh my gosh, I can't believe we created something this gorgeous" to "oh my gosh, why are you crying again?" and back in a matter of hours, if not minutes.

Really glad it's normal and I can't wait for his first smile that's not gas related

Again thank you everyone for your words of support, it means a lot knowing I'm not a bad mother

 

[Left wonderin]

YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOTHER ... YOU are a sleep deprived new mum which is the hardest job in the world !! Be kind to yourself .. Your doing a great job .