Baby boxes?

[Ozzieshunni]

Yeah. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but it is very rare. I know a couple women who were pregnant by rape.

 

[deafgal]

They already done something similar to that in U.S. People have used it.

 

[deafgal]

If it's a repeat offender, he may use a condom to prevent sperm being found inside the victim. Also, the likelyhood of the rapist hitting the exact time the woman is ovulating is very rare. Statistics show about 4.7% rapes result in a pregnancy, but this is just of reported rapes. Still, not to make light of it, but for couples TTC 50% will become pregnant in just under a year. That's multiple sexual acts a month for several months.

Some women are rape repeatedly by the same guy that they know personally, they are too scare to say anything and when they say something, they are afraid no one would believe it is rape..just sex.

 

[deafgal]

Where I live it's called a baby drop. It can be done at a hospitial, fire department and a PD. In my state (last I knew) a woman could drop the baby/child off until age 5. I think it's a great thing and I know that 5 is pretty old but if a mom can't handle her child or for whatever reason she has to drop her baby/child off must be well thought through. I couldn't ever do it but I do have a ton of respect for the moms that felt there was no other choice and wanted her child to have the life she couldn't provide.

unless the mother have mental illness which is pretty obvious if she dropped off an older child (people will wonder where she did with her child though).

 

[Ozzieshunni]

If it's a repeat offender, he may use a condom to prevent sperm being found inside the victim. Also, the likelyhood of the rapist hitting the exact time the woman is ovulating is very rare. Statistics show about 4.7% rapes result in a pregnancy, but this is just of reported rapes. Still, not to make light of it, but for couples TTC 50% will become pregnant in just under a year. That's multiple sexual acts a month for several months.

Some women are rape repeatedly by the same guy that they know personally, they are too scare to say anything and when they say something, they are afraid no one would believe it is rape..just sex.

Yes, I posted afterwards to say the exception is often women in domestic violence or war situation.

 

[Laura2919]

For now, I am for it, as whilst abandonment raises several complex issues for both baby and mom, my priority would be the baby and if they can be abandoned in a relatively safe manner, then yes..lets do it.

I do think it might contribute to higher figures of abandonment though, as maybe there's loads of women who think of abandoning their children, and if they know there's an easy way to do it safely, then they'd probably opt for it. But I don't think that should be a deterrent in implementing the baby boxes, the main concern is for the baby.

I do agree with ensuring moms are looked after, but this can run alongside the baby boxes. Good idea. x

I agree with this.

 

[JackiePed]

First, the safety of the baby is key. If a mother is ready to abandon her child, taking away the 'easy option' doesn't help... It just may force a mother to keep a child she doesn't want or can't handle. This could lead to a miserable life for the child.

Second, a mother who drops her baby off in desperation really shouldn't have the option to track the baby down later... There are ways to give your baby to the state in a proper way if you're in a good mental state and are thinking this through...leaving you with the option to get baby back if you're in a better place later on.
If you're to the point where all you can do is abandon the baby...in most cases I'd say your mental state is too unstable... It's best not to be able to waffle back and forth.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

The point of a baby box is not for the mother to temporarily leave the baby and find it later. It's stated that the rights of the mother end when she leaves the baby.

 

[marley2580]

In Germany there's an 8 week cooling off period when the mum can reclaim her child (with support I assume).

 

[JackiePed]

I just don't get that.... If you're in such state as to leave your baby on a doorstep, essentially, how can you suddenly be fit to care for a baby in 8 weeks or less?... I don't agree. I really do think it should be a closed door. There are options out there for moms who are in a competent mental state and have made an informed decision thatbthey cannot care for the child adequately at the time... Moms who have mental capacity to do it this way should have avenues in which to get their child back.
Not with a drop-off. I'm not trying to harshly judge the mom... I know it is desperation that leads most moms to do this, and that it likely isn't easy for them to do. But...I can't think of a situation in which it's safe or in baby's best interests to return to a mom whose only option was a drop-off. It either means the mothers physical situation was unsafe, or the mothers mental state was broken or overloaded.

 

[lisaf]

what if the mom was suffering from PND/PPD... what if it had progressed to post-partum psychosis? She wasn't in her right mind and very well could become more rational in the 8 week cooling off period (which I think is a great idea and the perfect compromise). You can recover from stuff like that and I guarantee you they don't just hand the baby back and not give you further support/monitoring.

There are other avenues to give your child up if you are overwhelmed.. but if its 6am and you haven't slept in 6 days and your kid has colic and just keeps screaming, you might be at your wits end and not be able to mentally wait until 8am the next day.

For that matter, severe sleep deprivation can cause all kinds of mental issues too.

I don't think most women who use a baby box are going to be coming back looking for their kid unless its years later out of regret and in that case it would not be in the child's best interest to be pulled from a stable home.

 

[deafgal]

if a mother need a cooling off period, she could call a friend or family if they like to look after her child or call the social worker. They can help, I think?

 

[JackiePed]

Well, I know that PND, sleep deprivation, and other circumstances can really leave a mother feeling helpless. I do. And like I said, I'm not saying it should be some sort of 'punishment', or that I'm harshly judging the mother.
But if sleep deprivation or PND has affected you so dramatically that you take your baby and drop them off somewhere at 3 a.m.... how can you really argue that that baby will be safe with you in the future if you change your mind? If you aren't thinking through what you're doing (i.e. going through a foster system route, etc... that *does* allow for you to get your stuff in order and then get baby back...), how can you really be fit to care for a baby? It's tragic, it's got to be one of the hardest things a mother ever does, but really... if caring for a baby or a child stretches you to that limit, it seems to me that you're far too unstable at this stage in your life (and these stages don't last merely weeks or even months) to safely care for a baby or a child.
I really don't mean it in a mean or harsh or judgmental way.

 

[lisaf]

if a mother need a cooling off period, she could call a friend or family if they like to look after her child or call the social worker. They can help, I think?

Not everybody has friends of family in a position to help them (either they don't live near enough or aren't supportive). oftentimes the women who would use a baby box are ones who have hidden their pregnancy from the people around them or didn't realize they were pregnant or are totally alone and have no help at all.

Well, I know that PND, sleep deprivation, and other circumstances can really leave a mother feeling helpless. I do. And like I said, I'm not saying it should be some sort of 'punishment', or that I'm harshly judging the mother.
But if sleep deprivation or PND has affected you so dramatically that you take your baby and drop them off somewhere at 3 a.m.... how can you really argue that that baby will be safe with you in the future if you change your mind? If you aren't thinking through what you're doing (i.e. going through a foster system route, etc... that *does* allow for you to get your stuff in order and then get baby back...), how can you really be fit to care for a baby? It's tragic, it's got to be one of the hardest things a mother ever does, but really... if caring for a baby or a child stretches you to that limit, it seems to me that you're far too unstable at this stage in your life (and these stages don't last merely weeks or even months) to safely care for a baby or a child.
I really don't mean it in a mean or harsh or judgmental way.

I understand what you are saying, but the point is the woman who uses the baby box is in crisis... she's not thinking things through rationally and most likely has little to no support, may even be uneducated about what resources there are to help her or what her choices are. Once the regret settles in, she will not just be given her child back, but she can then get access to resources that will give her the help she should have had in the first place.
Then, once she has her issues under control, they can work on giving her custody of her child back, but I bet you she'll still have periodic check-ins etc.

 

[JackiePed]

I know... you're probably right... and with proper mentoring/supervision/counseling, it could be determined when/if the baby would be safe with mom again.
Maybe I just worry that, as with most state-funded services... the whole 'supervising/mentoring/counseling' thing will get less and less priority, and moms will get babies back long before they've really proven that they are in a capable mental state to do so.... so perhaps that's a different issue altogether.

I DO still think that 'baby boxes' or simply the "no questions asked" U.S. policy are both good things to have in place. I'd rather see a baby dropped off somewhere safe ANY day than what sometimes happens. Even if it IS giving the mother an 'easy way' to do it... again, when a mother is in that state...the baby is no longer safe. So this provides a safe alternative.

 

[deafgal]

if a mother need a cooling off period, she could call a friend or family if they like to look after her child or call the social worker. They can help, I think?

Not everybody has friends of family in a position to help them (either they don't live near enough or aren't supportive). oftentimes the women who would use a baby box are ones who have hidden their pregnancy from the people around them or didn't realize they were pregnant or are totally alone and have no help at all.

Well, I know that PND, sleep deprivation, and other circumstances can really leave a mother feeling helpless. I do. And like I said, I'm not saying it should be some sort of o'punishment', or that I'm harshly judging the mother.
But if sleep deprivation or PND has affected you so dramatically that you take your baby and drop them off somewhere at 3 a.m.... how can you really argue that that baby will be safe with you in the future if you change your mind? If you aren't thinking through what you're doing (i.e. going through a foster system route, etc... that *does* allow for you to get your stuff in order and then get baby back...), how can you really be fit to care for a baby? It's tragic, it's got to be one of the hardest things a mother ever does, but really... if caring for a baby or a child stretches you to that limit, it seems to me that you're far too unstable at this stage in your life (and these stages don't last merely weeks or even months) to safely care for a baby or a child.
I really don't mean it in a mean or harsh or judgmental way.

I understand what you are saying, but the point is the woman who uses the baby box is in crisis... she's not thinking things through rationally and most likely has little to no support, may even be uneducated about what resources there are to help her or what her choices are. Once the regret settles in, she will not just be given her child back, but she can then get access to resources that will give her the help she should have had in the first place.
Then, once she has her issues under control, they can work on giving her custody of her child back, but I bet you she'll still have periodic check-ins etc.

thats why I mentioned "or call the social worker"

 

[lisaf]

if a mother need a cooling off period, she could call a friend or family if they like to look after her child or call the social worker. They can help, I think?

Not everybody has friends of family in a position to help them (either they don't live near enough or aren't supportive). oftentimes the women who would use a baby box are ones who have hidden their pregnancy from the people around them or didn't realize they were pregnant or are totally alone and have no help at all.

thats why I mentioned "or call the social worker"

Ummm, we don't just have social workers assigned to us over here? You only get one assigned if you ask for one and have a need for one, its not just offered unless someone reports you for concerns.