Baby Shower? Help, please!

[ser523]

Hey ladies! When is everyone planning on having their showers?

For reference, I'm due sometime in late November. (I keep being told different due dates *lol* First it was 11/24, then they said 11/20 according to my LMP and then at my last u/s, she said baby girl is measuring for 11/17)

I'm starting to think about shower planning. My closest friends and my sister are all 4 hours away in NJ (I'm up in MA), so it's not really practical for any of them to plan my baby shower like they did my bridal shower. And the very few friends I have up here are no help. So I figured I'd plan the logistics of things and my friends could do the things like invitations and activities and things. I had been thinking of doing it in August, because I have a number of people who are teachers and I thought it would be easier for them in the summer, especially since I'm so far. I know it's earlier than most would do, but I thought it made sense. I also thought it would be easiest to have the party at our apartment, since it's pretty big and it would be financially easier.

But today, my mother-in-law asked me about my plans for the shower. She made a face at August, saying how it was much too early and that I shouldn't do it at our apartment. I guess her and my sister-in-law have been talking about shower things, which is very sweet of them and I very much appreciate it. But, they want to do it at a place and have it catered. Which I don't necessarily mind, but I don't have that many friends/family. And she mentioned Columbus Day weekend in October, since it's three day weekend for my traveling people.

Now I think it is so nice of my mother and sister-in-law to want to plan everything. And I do understand that it would be a bit on the unusual side to have a shower at around 28 weeks. But, a few points on my proposed earlier date.

• Like I mentioned, my teacher friends won't have to worry about work and things in August like they would in October, despite the three day weekend.
• There is a strong possibility I will be teaching for the beginning of the school year, the first 6 weeks, which would go through to Columbus day. My teaching brings up two points. One, that I will probably want to start nesting and doing nursery things in August before work, which I would need my crib and glider for (which are on my registry). And two, I'm not sure that I'm going to want to party Columbus Day weekend if that will be my first weekend free after finishing working and being relatively big at that point.
• I do like the idea of having that extra time to take in what we get as gifts, return duplicates, and budget out our purchases of items we still need.
• And a very minor point, but my mother is also far away in NJ and never ceases to mention that she's so far away and that DH's family is so close. Many comments like "your new family" etc etc. Ultimately, it shouldn't matter but it will make the day more difficult for me in regards to my mom if MIL and SIL plan the party. Minor point, like I said, but something lurking in the back of my mind.

So since no one seems to want to help me with their opinion, I'm turning to you ladies for your opinions. Should I stick to my guns and insist for August even though no one is helping? Or are my reasons silly and it's too early and I should let MIL and SIL plan everything in October?

I'm honestly so stressed about the whole thing. If it was just this, it might not be as bad, but there are other things going on as well. So between everything and my hormones, I'm a stressed mama. :/

 

[DeuceMom]

deleted

 

[Isme]

I would personally wait until October. But then again, I probably wouldn't plan my own shower, either. I would honestly feel very uncomfortable planning one for myself under any circumstances... A "sip and see" after, maybe, but not an actual shower. Everyone is different, though. It's hard for me to suggest what might be appropriate for someone else in this scenario.

I do think that if one of the reasons you want an earlier shower is because you're hoping for one of the big ticket items on your list, then you might want to let that go. If they are really necessary to have early (and I can understand wanting to have extra time to nest and prepare) then I would purchase them yourself and save the worry.

I'm due in late November myself. I hadn't even started thinking of showers yet, but I have a couple of friends who approached me and said they wanted to throw one sometime in October. They only mentioned it so early because they didn't want to step on toes. I actually don't have a ton of friends (I'm not sure what the standard is, lol) and really no family that I'd imagine inviting, so we aren't talking a huge affair. Even so, it makes me feel uncomfortable to think about. I'm just not one to plan a party for myself. It feels awkward and I had to tell one of my friends that when she kept asking me for ideas.

This is my third kid (though 8 years since the last and my current friend group has never seen me pregnant), and with the first two I didn't know I was having a shower until I walked into the room. I had never mentioned a shower and never presumed that I would have one in any of my pregnancies. It was a very sweet gesture both times, and something I greatly appreciated. However, if the showers hadn't happened, I wouldn't have been upset.

All that to say, if your options are planning one for yourself in August or letting your MIL and SIL plan one for you in October, then I'd definitely go with the latter.

 

[lilesMom]

I think its perfectly reasonable for u to pick a date
One that suits u and most of your guests better

Just explain it nicely to inlaws and I'm sure they be fine
If not , then its their issue really xx
About the venue.
Again I think it should be your decision
But I agree on the not having to clean up
Plus if u are tired, u can just leave and others stay
Very close to due date isn't really great
U will be more uncomfy
And prob won't enjoy it as much.
My parents got us our change rable
OH parents got our cot
They asked us what and when to get
We did get them early ish
Cos I wanted to be sorted
They were happy to do it earlier and understood.
Putting ur inlaws in contact with your family is a great idea
All feel included xx
Hope its brill fun for u x

 

[ser523]

Well, it wouldn't be planning the whole thing myself. More of me picking the date and presumably the girls doing the rest. And I don't feel that I'm being presumptuous assuming that my two bigger items will be bought. Just realistically knowing my mom and my in laws, they like to get the larger items on my registry, like they did for our wedding. *shrug* And we already bought our stroller and car seat, so that was one of our largest items.

But anyway, I asked my Mil today if she and my SiL would still want to plan things if I was insistent about having it in August. All she kept saying was that August is too early and that if she is going to plan things, she's going to do it later.

So I'm really at a loss on what to do.

 

[Scout]

Is there any way you could do 2 showers? You could travel to NJ and have one there with your family and close friends, and then let Mil plan another for you in MA with friends and family there. It might be a bit much for you, Idk, but just an idea.

 

[xstitcher87]

It is YOUR baby shower.

Everyone is different and each family have different traditions. I planned my sister's shower and hers was just before 30 weeks (maybe 28 or 29), no one said it was too early or anything. It was easier to do it then as I was going overseas when we would have 'usually' had a shower. She had plenty of time to wash clothes, get organised, get any extra stuff she still needed etc.

She is planning mine, and due to us moving house, mine will be our (australian) long weekend in October (1st Oct) and I am actually concerned about it being too late! I want time to wash all the clothes and organise baby's room etc before he arrives. I will be about 32-33 weeks.

I have been to baby showers organised by the mum-to-be, some by sisters or SILs, some by mothers or grandmothers etc. Some have been female only, some have been mixed.

Have it when YOU want it. If you want it in August, then say that's what you'll do and if MIL and SIL don't want to organise it anymore? Their loss! Have it in August and get your mum involved. If she is travelling to you for the shower, perhaps she can help you choose decorations and bring something special with her. I organised my sister's baby shower remotely, as I live 5 hours away from where it was being held. You can accomplish so much inclusion through technology these days

 

[xstitcher87]

I will also note, that as an Australian, I have never been to a wedding OR baby shower that has had a registry! It is a really weird concept to me, lol. We just turn up with a gift we think they will like and hope for the best!

 

[KatO79]

I think it's important to have this shower in a way that you feel is best. If you really want August so more of your friends can come which is totally reasonable and understandeable, then I'd tell your MIL that you really appreciate it that she wants to organise a shower for you but that if she isn't willing to be flexible with the date, then you'll plan the shower yourself if need be as you really want these friends there and that it's important to you. I think as long as you're polite about it and let her know you think it was really nice of her to offer, she shouldn't get mad and be understanding of your reasons. If she does choose to get mad despite you being sensitive to her feelings, oh well! You aren't responsible for her feelings in the end, if she chooses to be insulted despite you wording things nicely, so be it.

As for your mom, she sounds a bit like my toxic mother. It really sounds like she's guilt tripping you which is manipulative and totally unacceptable. May be worth it to set some boundaries and tell her she needs to stop with the BS, in a polite way of course!

 

[hmmohrma]

I planned a shower for my foster sister with her bio-mom, mil, and cousin all through text messages from different parts of the state. We didn't see each other until the day of the shower. We all showed up with what we decided we would bring (food, decorations, etc.), and it worked out really well. Maybe this can work and you mother and in laws and deal with the drama and leave you out of it. Either way, it's your shower...do it when it works for you! Good luck!

Oh yeah, if you end up having it later, maybe you can bring up the crib to one of your family members and ask to have it early so you can be ready for school. I'm also a teacher due in November, and we put up the crib this week. I totally understand wanting to have it done before school begins.

 

[Blessedbaby]

I had 2 showers in my previous pregnancy ... one was held at 34 weeks and another at 36 weeks ... here in South Africa we often tend to make it a month or 2 before your due date ... this time around I do not want a shower

 

[FaithyJ]

To me, earlier makes more sense. For all the reasons you stated as well as you are less likely to be miserably uncomfortable and ready for everything to be over. Mine is scheduled for around my 33rd wk so that I'm not miserable and so we have time to get whatever else we may need past shower gifts.
Whatever works for you should be what your in laws should do being as it's a shower for you and not for them. Maybe they need reminded of that lol

 

[ser523]

Thanks for all the support, ladies. I really appreciate it. I'm sticking to my guns and I've picked a Saturday in August. I tried to see about a couple of places that aren't my apartment but since it's a Saturday, they aren't open during the day. So, it looks like it will most likely be an August shower in my apartment. And everyone will just have to deal with it *lol*