Baby showers... How do you cope?

[PinkPeony]

Having to go through a baby shower is the most excrutiating thing in the world for me. I can't be alone on this one. A couple weeks ago I just fully skipped out on one and popped a present in the mail. I have another one on Sunday that I agreed to go to. I know it's going to kill me. It's this girl who got knocked up by her ex who she can't stand and I made the mistake of telling her I was trying with my hubby back in August of last year. We're not close and I don't even know why I'm invited. I wish she didn't. Anyway... Usually I brave my way through these things then bawl my eyes out when I get home, but I'm a mess about this one for days already. How do you guys manage??

 

[RKW]

I'm so lucky we dont really have them in the uk. When babies come along i order a gift online and have it delivered straight to the recipient, as going to baby shops and picking things out for a baby that's not mine does not do me any good!
Totally feel your pain, it's horrible being around newborns and having to answer the. 'when will you be having one' questions - as if we know the answer!!!

 

[PinkPeony]

Oh man I forgot you guys don't have that in the UK. You're so lucky. It's horrible. There's the shopping for the gift part, then you have to sit and watch you very pregnant friend open allllll these lovely gifts. And you're right - it's totally open season on those remarks of "when are you going to have one?"... One day I might get the nerve to say - gee I don't know! Maybe I should ask my fertility specialist that!

 

[Armywife84]

Simple, I don't attend them.

I don't do baptisms, LO's birthdays, or baby showers. I get so upset and my anxiety is in overdrive...IMO it's just not worth risking your mental health.

Besides, you can order a gift online and have it sent to their home. That is if you would still like to give them a gift.

 

[wannabemummyb]

It seems that the trend has made it across the pond! I am also in the UK and have just received another invite to a shower! The lady in question was a LTTTC'er also and I am so chuffed for her, I really am but it is tough! None of my friends understand, most of them aren't even considering kids yet!
I love my friend to bits but it is amazing how quickly she forgot the kessons she learnt and what its like to be a LTTTC!er

 

[RKW]

Yeah I hear they are coming on over here in the uk, I've been lucky enough not to be invited to one yet though. Long may that continue!!!

Xx

 

[PinkPeony]

Went and bought a present just now.... Picked up a cute lil onsie for myself. A little retail therapy I guess. Now just gotta get a baby to put in it!

 

[chefamy1122]

The last baby shower I went to was about 3 years ago, and the only reason I went is because it was for one of my very closest friends that knew about all my troubles, and she had told me she would totally understand if I didn't go. She was there for me and was a shoulder to cry on, so I wanted to be there for her. Of course, I went home from the shower, got shit faced drunk, and went to bed and cried for about 2 days. Now I just send a nice gift and my regrets that I can't go.
Because we have been TTC for so long, most people that know me well enough to invite me to a shower will understand why I don't go. If they don't like it, tough. Let them put themselves in my shoes and see how they would act.

 

[tamithomas]

It seems that the trend has made it across the pond! I am also in the UK and have just received another invite to a shower! The lady in question was a LTTTC'er also and I am so chuffed for her, I really am but it is tough! None of my friends understand, most of them aren't even considering kids yet!
I love my friend to bits but it is amazing how quickly she forgot the kessons she learnt and what its like to be a LTTTC!er

Oh boy, those are the worst kind to deal with..the LTTC'ers who suddenly forget their struggles over night and take no ones feelings into consideration. You would tihnk they would take all of the things they learned as being on the other side of the fence and work with it. Seen too many do that, throw the whole LTTC book out the window and it's disgusting to see.

 

[Nayla82]

I feel your pain

It's like a new trend here I have been to a few. My husband made me go to his bosses wifes baby shower. Everyone was sat there with their newborns with them. Many heavily pregnant, I felt a huge stone in my throat and actually thought I was going to be sick with the pain rushing through my body. I went to the toilet broke down to my husband saying why did he make me go!! bless him within 20min he came and took me home. I have never been one since. With baby gifts usually i will knock on door keep my engine on and say I'm in a rush..

At the start I enjoyed seeing my friends that have babies. Now I know I'm a broken lady and I don't want to cause myself anymore hurting it's torture tying to be happy and when they say, you have all this to come! Or any babies soon?? I always say the same.. Oh soon I'm in no rush I use to be able to hide my pain, it just seems like I'm filling up before I have even walked through the door

My husband is so sweet now even when we have friends that have a baby he will say he will pop over and give the gift and card and just say I am, busy. He use to force me and say stopping being a bitter cow! When he sees how hysterical I get to the point he has to give me a bag to breath in and out off, I have major panic attacks now. He knows its better to keep me away from anything that May trigger it off

I didn't ever think the pain of trying to be a mom causes someones mental and physical well being so much pain

I pray we all get to moms soon and throw our on lavish baby showers

 

[PinkPeony]

I know!! My DH is wonderful, but this part he just doesn't get. He thinks I'm being horrible and he's like I can't believe you're acting like this! We've had major blow outs over it. I really think it's a natural feeling. I don't wish any bad things on ppl, I just can't stand being surrounded by all this happiness and promise of a new baby and feel like it's being thrown in my face!... Ughhh. Sigh.... 3 hours till shower time. Do you think I can do it without a meltdown?

 

[aintlifegrand]

I only attend if I am really close with the person. Otherwise, I just send a gift. The last shower I went to I left after being there an hour, cried my eyes out and got rip roaring wasted.

 

[hopefull85]

i actually had to throw my SIL a baby shower back in May because my mother said that us girls had to. Honestly the fat cow should have kept the stuff from her first and she wouldnt have to worry about getting free stuff from others. and now my so called best friend is 16 weeks pregnant and thats a long story. i am going on my first round of clomid at the end of this month and i just want something good to happen. i am tired of arguing with my DH over this i guess acting like it doesnt bother him is his way of hurting. i dont know. but i totally understand what all you ladies have said. PinkPeony if your are not close to the person, then just dont go. simple as that.

 

[echo]

I also don't go. When I do, its only for someone I'm close to and I don't stay, either. I arrive, drop the gift, give a hug, have some snacks, avoid conversation, and slip out the door. Most of these people know why. But sometimes I have to endure the 'when are you having kids?' and being told how 'lucky' I am not to be 'tied down'. Or I have to wander about listening to talk of diapers and bottles, vomit and diarrhea, sore nipples, and lack of sleep. Pfft. And the stupid games.....
And I don't go to little kid parties, either. I mean that would be just weird, unless its family. I just can't relate.

 

[PinkPeony]

Well I ended up going yesterday. My best friend was going so I told her how I was feeling and she said she'd protect me. Of course had some stupid woman who has never met me start spouting off to myself and a couple of the other ladies in the minority there who don't have babies yet. She was like "Girls!! Get busy!!!" Are you kidding me? My friend just grabbed my hand under the table. Thank God for her!! So we just gradually extracted ourselves from the group (the shower was at a lounge in this trendy hotel ) and went and sat at the bar. Came back while she was opening presents had some chit chat with the mom to be (ie complaining about how hard it is to roll over in bed with her belly and how big her boobs are)... and then promptly left.

From now on, I am not going if it's not for a super close friend. Thankfully for now I don't know of anyone that's preg so I hope to heck I won't have to go to another one for a while.

 

[Kimiw]

I know that I always avoid baby showers. I did go to one last summer and that was because it was a close friend. She knew of my troubles, so she understood if I didn't want to go. But when I needed a shoulder to cry on she was always there for me so I felt I needed to be there for her. When I got there she gave me a big hug and was so happy that I came. She went out of her way to have me sit with her the whole time so she could fight off other people who noticed I was not there with a baby in my arms or had a pregnant belly. One did escape though....there is always that one who has to ask, but my friend was quick to come to come to my rescue. But it was hard to see all those women with their little babies or young children. I didn't stay for everything, I was starting to feel like I was going to start crying so I told her I needed to leave. Bless her heart she gave me a hug and told me she understood and she was sorry that I have to endure so much to be a mother and if there was anybody in the world she could think of who deserved such a title it would be me. I cried all the way home, and spend the rest of the evening sobbing with my head laying on my husbands lap as he ran his hands through my hair. After that, I don't know if I could endure another baby shower, unless it was mine of course lol.