baby wearing, home birth etc families opinions ??

[mummypeanut]

I'm in the very early stages of pregnancy (7 weeks) but ive known even before i concieved that i wanted to try baby wearing when the baby was born and that i wanted to try for a home birth.

Ive done a bit of travelling and the way 'underdeveloped' countries carry their children seemed much more natural to me than putting a tiny baby in a massive contraption and pushing it around. I also feel quite strongly that birth should be (where possible) as close to a natural experience as possible. If i can manage it (and thats a big if) if like to be at home, with a midwife ive chosen and my husband. i want it to be a family experience not a medical one

Anyway my mum is, of course, really excited at the prospect of her first grandchild and was speaking to me yesterday about wanting to buy us a pram. I brought up that hubby and i had looked into baby wearing and we were seriously considering it as an option.

Her immediate reaction was

-you cant
-your back will ache
-your going to want a pram
- its just not sensible

i also think she was quite hurt and took my comments as a bad reaction to her offering a gift.

Its not that i dont appreciate it - i really really do. Its just id like the oppertunity to try and if a few weeks after the baby is born its not working out - for what ever reason....then spend the 500 quid on a pram....not before.

I dont know....Im feeling very negative right now....I want a home birth if possible and id like to do co sleeping and baby wearing but everyone keeps telling me this is pretty much impossible, inpractical etc etc and being a first timer i have no idea if im right or wrong. I'm also having that hellish time where everyone keeps throwing all thier childbirth horrors at me and its starting to feel like it would be completely impossible to manage a home birth.

Hellllp.....feeling glum

 

[jackiea85]

I use both a sling and a pram so I haven't really had any comments on this one but home birth has been a bit of a topic lol. I really wanted a home birth but my OH was totally against it. Everyone thought I was mad, my in-laws especially! When I went to my booking appointment the midwife suggested I have one and said she would come round to see us and convince OH. I finally got him warming to the idea when I had to go under consultant led care so I 'had' to go to hospital (not sure what they would have done but I didn't fight it to be honest). Anyway, I ended up having a haemorrhage (sp?) after labour. I recently said to my OH that I would want a homebirth if there's a next time and he wouldn't even talk about!! I even found info to show that you can have a homebirth after a PPH and he wouldn't even read it!
You're not alone, people will always comment on your choices, just do what makes you happy, they will have to deal with it! xx

 

[colsy]

First of all, many congratulations on your pregnancy. I wish you lots of happy times ahead.

Re your questions, how you bring up your child must be YOUR choice. I am still pg with my first, so I can't offer advice from a "been there, done that" point of view. However, I do know that what I want is what I am aiming for, not what somebody else wants. (If you see what I mean.)

Personally, I want to use a combination of a sling and a pram, and so we have bought both (second-hand, off eBay). The pram was expensive because we wanted one that (1) had resale value and (2) did EVERYTHING we wanted it to do, because otherwise it would be useless to us. I run my own business and work from home, so I hope to be able to have baby in a sling for a lot of the day, and then we will probably use the pram when we walk to the shops, go out for an evening drink or whatever. I believe prams and slings have different purposes, hence our buying both, but of course that's only my opinion.

What I would say is that you can't buy a pram just cos your mum tells you to. It's a hell of a lot of money that could be better spent on something else if actually you won't ever use the thing. Can you not thank your mum very much for the offer to buy a pram but explain that you would love her to buy you something that you DEFINITELY want - whether that's baby clothes, or a baby hammock, or a rocking crib or whatever, tell her that you want to appreciate her gift as much as poss, and that if she buys x or y, it's something that you really really would love.

As for home births, co-sleeping and baby-wearing being pretty much impossible and impractical, who are you listening to?! If these options were so dreadful, nobody anywhere would use them. Like you say, most women in the developing world have used these methods for millennia, and I have to say in my experience of travelling in such places their children are generally much happier than those in the west, despite all the hardships they have compared with us in affluent societies. Anyway, getting off my high horse and soap box, I would say that if you want to try a home birth, then the best person to discuss this with is your midwife when you first meet her. And if you don't like her reaction, have a go at finding another midwife. An alternative is to use an independent midwife, but that all depends on whether you can afford to pay for such private services.

Two of my friends (in their early forties and with their first babies) recently had home births, use baby slings instead of prams where at all possible, and generally co-sleep. Their babies are happy and healthy, and the parents are too. What more could you want?

I hope this gives you another side of the argument - although I also hope that "argument" is the wrong word, because it would be sad if your pregnancy caused a row between you and your mum. As people have said to me before, try talking to her because she may actually respect your wishes more than you think she might.

Lots of luck xx

 

[lauriech]

First of all...congratulations on your pregnancy!

None of your thoughts/wishes are impractical hun, in fact, I think it's lovely that you'd like such a natural experience with your baby!

Baby wearing is not something I've done a lot of but now my LO is getting close to 6 months, I have decided to do it more as I really enjoy it when I'm wearing him! I think there are times when you may want/need some sort of pushchair/pram but that's just me (I can mange without one as long as I have some sort of carrier for LO).

I have never exactly co-slept but LO is now not sleeping through anymore, so we tend to bring him into our bed when he stirs then he goes straight back off straight away I think he feels the warmth and comfort being in our bed. There are pro's and con's I think to co-sleeping BUT I wish it was something I'd tried earlier on as I felt under pressure in the first few weeks to do everything the 'right' way.....everyone has an opinion when you're pregnant and have a baby but my advice would be to not listen to them no matter who they are. It's your baby, no one elses!!

I wanted a fairly natural birth (in a birthing centre) but it went wrong for me and I ended getting transferred to the main hospital in the middle of the night by ambulance, so i can't talk about home births....I'm sure there will be plenty who can help with that though!

Any questions hun, give me a shout! My main advice would be, to be poen minded with everything until bubs is here!

x

 

[Pink_Witch]

i had spd badly in my pregnancy so for me homebirth wasnt an option (even though i would have loved it). But i baby wear and cosleep!! I have a pram and also a close baby carrier,which imo is the most comfortable thing i have ever used-and i have a damaged back and still suffering a bit with spd but the cbc doesnt aggrivate either at all-even after all day with it on!! Ernie is the one who instigated the cosleeping-he just wouldnt settle in his crib-or now-his cot, he prefers to sleep cuddled up to me with my arm round him!!

My mother had her opinion on it "your making a rod for your own back" yadder yadder "its not safe" blah blah.......but the way i see it is-i have 5 older children so i know how bloody short their baby years are so i am going to enjoy every second of it while it lasts!!!

Its your baby, so you are the one who's opinions are important-not your mums, your great aunt maude, or even the nosey old boot in the post office queue!! everyone will have an opinion on someone elses ways of doing things with their baby-just because they wouldnt do it doesnt mean it isnt right for you or your baby-only you can be the judge of that!!

As for us-Ernie loves being in his sling and he loves sleeping with me-so if he is happy and content then so am i........as for everyone who doesnt agree with me.........well they can kiss my (_Y_)

 

[butrfly]

very briefly: i have both a pram & a wrap (2 wraps, actually, & a ring sling). choosing one doesn't mean you have to do it exclusively,

 

[JennTheMomma]

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I use all sorts of carriers, Moby Wrap, ring sling, home-made sling, etc. and I use a stroller. There is a place for both in my home, and they both come in handy in different situations.

We co-sleep, and our son is now 2 years old. I love it, and we all sleep well this way.

Our son was born in a Birth Center, but we are TTCing now and we are having a homebirth next time. We have a Midwife already and are planning it.

I would tell your mother that this is your baby and your birth and you should be able to do things the way you'd like to. There are thousands of Mother's who parent this way and our kids are wonderful. There are even books on this very parenting, ones written by Doctors. I would have a talk with her and ask her if she could leave the negative comments to herself. Tell her it brings you down and thats the last thing you need from her and in your pregnancy.

 

[Shifter]

I wanted to baby wear while pregnant and bought a sling, but we got a 2nd hand pram too and tbh, I hardly use the sling, I have found the pram to be more practical a lot of the time, but that's just me. I think baby wearing is wonderful if it works for you. I agree with colsy, suggest your mum buys you another "big" item that you really want, a lovely cotbed or something.

We planned a home birth. My mum was wary of the idea at first, but I took her to meet my very enthusiastic MW who answered all her questions and put her mind at rest about a lot of things. It didn't work out for me in the end, the NHS failed me in a big way and I made some mistakes during labour, strayed from my own preferences and ended up transferring and being convinced into a cascade of interventions resulting in c/s. But next time we will be hiring an IM and trying again for the wonderful, natural home birth experience we hoped for first time.

I recommend joining the home birth yahoo group, there are lots of wonderful women on the group who have had fantastic experiences and can lend advice for if you come across a negative attitude from the NHS.

 

[mummypeanut]

thanks ladies

after reading all of your replies ive been looking into prams and ive found a couple i like. I think i would appreciate mum buying me one as long as she doesnt get upset if we dont use it all the time. Its ALOT of money - even more than i thought it was. I think i will have another chat with ehr about it once im further into the pregnancy. Thanks for all your feedback its really helped me to work some stuff out in my head.

I had my first appt with the independant midwife today and she was LOVELY. Im now very jeed up and reallly want this bean to stick so i can have this process and meet him/her. Im so very very excited and she has made me feel really good and like this is something i could actually do.

thanks for the help xxxxx

 

[elm]

I said I'd get a pram later if I needed one - that pacified people who seemed to think I needed a pram. I really can't see myself ever having a pushchair / pram. I love babywearing too much and even just putting Elliot in the trolley the other day felt weird x

 

[mummypeanut]

I said I'd get a pram later if I needed one - that pacified people who seemed to think I needed a pram. I really can't see myself ever having a pushchair / pram. I love babywearing too much and even just putting Elliot in the trolley the other day felt weird x

yeah ive gone down this route too....mums very against the whole baby wearing thing though - every oppertunity she gets to make a comment about how heavy babys are and how impossible its gonna be she really over labours the point. Ive said i'll get a pram but i'm not planning on using it until the baby is too heavy for me. I wanna carry as much as i can when its a newborn.

Thanks for the tip! xx

 

[kirstyloo82]

with my first lo i listened alot, as most do, to what other people said and thought and this really influenced how i have parented him so far. when i became pregnant again, i had a bit more courage and have made some fairly 'out there' decisions. all of oh family think im a hippy, which is fine if thats what lets them accept how im now doing things.

my dd is nearly 7mo and has almost exclusively been carried since birth. she has only been in a pram on 2 occassions when mil was looking after her, and when we were on holiday and it was ridiculously hot! i also carry my ds who is 2 and half. if you get a suitable wrap, and become good at wrapping, theres no reason why you shouldnt be able to carry your baby. there are loads of brands and different types of wraps so have a try and find what you like best. there are sling meets all over the place, where you would find other mums local to you interested in babywearing. take your mum along to get her to see as well. my mum was pretty much the same, but soon got into it, and now preaches about how babyweaing has affected my famly!

 

[carries]

The thing is with all parenting choices inc breastfeeding, baby wearing, cloth nappies, co sleeping you have no idea whether they will work for you unless you try them. I agree with the ladies above and would suggest you stick to your guns and try it when bubba is born and then if you need to buy a cot/pushchair etc buy it then. Assuming you dont live in the middle of nowhere you can generally get the things you need the same day.

I had a wonderful homebirth and would recommend it. Have a look and see if there are any local support groups as I found mine really helped.

My only advice would be to keep an open mind. I found that, for example, I struggled with breast feeding so OScar always had one bottle a day to give me a break and although I used a sling 80% of the time I also used a pushchair. Its whatever works for you xx

 

[mummypeanut]

with my first lo i listened alot, as most do, to what other people said and thought and this really influenced how i have parented him so far. when i became pregnant again, i had a bit more courage and have made some fairly 'out there' decisions. all of oh family think im a hippy, which is fine if thats what lets them accept how im now doing things.

my dd is nearly 7mo and has almost exclusively been carried since birth. she has only been in a pram on 2 occassions when mil was looking after her, and when we were on holiday and it was ridiculously hot! i also carry my ds who is 2 and half. if you get a suitable wrap, and become good at wrapping, theres no reason why you shouldnt be able to carry your baby. there are loads of brands and different types of wraps so have a try and find what you like best. there are sling meets all over the place, where you would find other mums local to you interested in babywearing. take your mum along to get her to see as well. my mum was pretty much the same, but soon got into it, and now preaches about how babyweaing has affected my famly!

great to hear such a good experience...what slings do u use? i like the look of mobys.

 

[Kitten]

Hi, congrats on your pregnancy!

I had a home birth and my mum was pretty against it but didn't cause a fuss, everyone else was supportive or didn't care either way. I think it's just worry. My mum was concerned that if something went wrong we might be too far from the hospital, and having had pethidine with all 3 of hers she couldn't imagine me doing it on just gas and air. The one thing I'd say is definitely consider a water birth. I was totally opposed to it as I hate baths and so didn't like the idea but I ended up labouring in the bath begging to have him in there but I couldn't because they have to be able to access all sides and it was a wall attached bath.

As for baby wearing, my mum used a sling/carrier with me and I never considered it as a decision, I just automatically bought a carrier like any other baby 'essential'. I use a travel system too. I tend to wear him for walks, trips to the doctors or places where it will be difficult to manoevure the pram, and hubby wears him when we go shopping in town. However, I find the pram very handy if I need to go out and he's already sleeping as I can just lift him gently out of the nest into the pram and then go on my way, and also it's easier to deal with the shopping bags by just shoving them in the net underneath!

As for co-sleeping, I was very against it but the midwives pretty much forced me to do it in the first week as I wasn't sleeping at all so they'd turn up in the morning, get me laid out topless on the bed, latch him on for me and then let me fall asleep and then leave. My mum was REALLY against that but again, didn't have a go at me, just voiced her opinion. I did feel a bit pressurised by her, and my own feelings not to do it, yet pressured by the midwives to do it, it was very difficult to cope with but we soon settled down and we ended up stopping it anyway. Now LO won't latch lying down anymore, he's too busy wiggling so there's no call for it.