Baby's surname

[AppleBlossom]

Wasn't sure where to post this one

I am so god damn annoyed beyond belief that my ex managed to pull the wool over my eyes with the loving family routine long enough for me to register Grace with his surname. Now I assume I can't change it legally without his permission but I know that I can register her in schools etc with my surname as a friend of mine's sister did it with her little girl. However I know it's a long way off but if/when I get married and have more kids (BIG if!) I don't want Grace to feel like she isn't a proper part of the family. I had a different surname to my sister when my mum married my dad but he went through solicitors and legally adopted me. Would any potential husband of mine be able to do that? Or is there any other possible way I am able to get her surname changed to mine? I'm probably scraping the bottom of the barrel with this one but I can't begin to describe how annoyed and upset it makes me that my daughter doesn't even share my name and she has her d**khead fathers surname instead

 

[polo_princess]

have no idea hun but didnt want to read and run

 

[Fossey]

I'd ring citizens advice, they will know

 

[elm]

xxx

Hope that you can get it changed somehow. At least if you can use your own surname for her for most things that will be good.

x

eta. great idea about Citizens Advice Fossey

 

[AppleBlossom]

I just know he will do his damned hardest to make it difficult for me. He still thinks he can tell me what to do. Last week he said to me, make sure she has a bath every night. WTF?? That's an example of how controlling he is and he is never in a million years going to agree letting me change her surname

 

[sam#3]

I would definately go to CAB, i changed my daughters name but i think the system was different when she was born, his name was on her birth certificate but we werent married so he did not have parental responsibility for her only i did so i didnt need his permission for anything but i think now they have it if their name is on the birth certificate so he would probably have to agree.
Maybe in a few years time he may have changed how he is with you and might agree to it?? Then you could change her surname to be the same as yours and you could keep your surname if you get married one day??
I know that doesnt sound very optimistic for helping now but if you ring CAB they will know all about it.

 

[ryder]

He sounds like a prick... I dont have much advice on the other stuff.

 

[AppleBlossom]

I will give CAB a ring next week then. We weren't married either so I'm hoping that will go in my favour, fingers crossed

thanks Ryder! I love your honesty

 

[xJG30]

As far as I'm aware, he has to agree to change her name etc.

 

[ColtonsMom]

Does he help take care of her/spend time with her? I agree, he treated you awful and it was completely unacceptable. And if he isn't taking care of her I could completely see where you are coming from, I wouldn't want my kid to have the last name of someone who wasn't in their lives/didn't help with them. However, if he is a part of her life, I dont see what the big deal would be? I dont have the same last name as anyone in my family, but they still love me and treat me like family (of course) so it doesn't make me feel like I'm not part of the family. Plus, now that my dad passed away I'm glad and proud to have his surname. He took care of me until I was 7, but then I moved with my mom because he was severly ill and couldn't do it anymore. I dont in anyway blame him for that, and am proud to carry his last name. Colton has his dad's last name, and I know that even IF something happened and we weren't together anymore that he absolute ADORES his son and will always (no matter what) be there for him and love him, so I have no regret at all giving him his dad's last name (and middle name ).
Anyways, just wanted to let you see it from a possibly different perspective. Like I said, I dont share the same with my family and still feel a proper part of their family. So, as long as you love her and dont treat her any different (not saying you would, because of course you will love her more than anything) then she wont feel different. However, if he is as sorry and pathetic to HER as he was to you, then I would get to calling CAB

 

[marley2580]

Have a look here https://www.ukdps.co.uk/CanIChangeMyChildrensNames.html

As far as I can see you would need his permission unless you get a court order. Also schools should not accept any name that is not on the birth certificate

 

[babe2ooo]

its funny cause when they are born they put your surname on the baby so why cant u change it,

 

[AppleBlossom]

He does see Grace once a weekend. Apart from that though he never rings to see how she is or anything in the week. His priorities aren't really in the right order and I'm pretty sure Grace isn't number one despite what he might say. The reason I don't like it is not just because he KNEW full well at the time that he had no intention of sticking around and being a family with us and yet he still insisted we have it his way as 'we'd only have to change it again' but also because she is with me 5/6 days and 6 nights a week. His mum is the only member of his family who I like and she hasn't even got the same surname as him. His effing stepmother has though, who I despise but that's another story. I think as long as you can prove who the child is and that you are the mother, schools don't mind you registering them under a different name. It might change by the time Grace gets to school though

 

[sabby52]

You do have to have permission from him he has to sign to say you can do it, my friend is going through the same thing and she wants to change her 3 kids surname, she is going through the courts but she doesnt seem to be getting anywhere because he is playing the doting father!!!! but really he doesnt give a f*** he just wants to make life hard for her. Good luck hun. xx

 

[Dani_b]

try searching deed polls in the good old internet.
ive got to do that to change DD name from mine to OH name

 

[Katielaura]

in the same situation with my first child, its the most annoying thing ever !!ive seen an advocate about it. i was not married, but he was on the certificate ,however he does not have parental responsibility.as im on the isle of man the father doesnt just get it by being on the birth certificate he has to apply for it through the courts or i would have to sign a form giving it to him. i dont think the same law apply's on mainland uk tho unfortunatly.
anyway.
i do know i can change his name by deed poll it will never change his birth certificate, so when he gets a passport or any official document he will need his birth certificate and his deed poll certificate.
so if you took it to court and they saw it in your childs best intrests to have your name she would still know of her previous name, ive been told they do take it very seriously tho as its changing a childs identity.(what a load of crap) lol.so basically if the father doesnt agree it wont happen unless he never see's her/pays for her?
but you've said that isnt the case ,so i think your best bet is giving your daughter a double barreled surname, if he does have responsibilty? that is coz there is no way he will accept your decision to change it to just your surname, and a court isnt likely to either im afraid.
plus that way if you have anymore children or get married they could also have a double barreled surname so they will all still have your name, and it will make it easier if its in her name to answer any questions she may have when she is older.
i know you do everthing for her whilst he just pretends like he gives a s**t so she should have entirely your name(that is my feelings to).id go and see an advocate they will be able to tell you more, you might beable to get legal aid if ur on any form of benifits if not it could be quite expensive. my advocate is 200 quid for half an hour but all depends how many letter ect they will need to write.good luck hun let us know what the outcome is .sorry for rambling lol dunno if i entirely got my point across xxxxxx

 

[Dragonfly]

Dont have time to read everyones reply but I had the other way around. I reg in OH surname and my mum started on me over it and said I would have to put Williams surname in mine and then if we got married then my OH would have to legally adopt to change the name?? thats what she said anyway and i think my mum done her homework on tht one as she knew way to much about it and its not sometihng she would know.

 

[Sparky0207]

So sorry to hear you've split with him hun not really been on here for a while so got some catching up to do!

He must agree to change it, I think all it requires is a signature from him. If he wont do that then when you eventually do get married and any potential husband wants to adopt her, you will still need his permission to go ahead. Good luck sweetie xx

 

[Serene123]

When me and Rich were REALLY bad, I wanted to do the same. You can't do it. It's impossible before they're 18!

 

[AppleBlossom]

he is never in a million years going to let me change it.