NZKiwi
cautiously optimistic
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2014
- Messages
- 3,632
- Reaction score
- 1
I lost my first baby to blighted ovum in April this year. My mc was horrific and dragged out for 5 weeks, 5 weeks of bleeding and passing tissue and giant blood clots.
When it was finally over I felt relieved, we could start ttc again, the odds would be in our favour this time.
Well we got pregnant first cycle ttc and I just found out yesterday it was a chemical pregnancy, it never implanted properly. I found out by getting HCG serials done because my Dr wanted to monitor me after the last mc. I was at work when I got the results and I had a panic attack and had to be driven home. I also started bleeding when I got home.
It just seems so insanely unfair and cruel, people also seem less sympathetic this time round, like a cp isn't the same as the mc I had before. The websites I read piss me off no end as well, they have a bit of victim blaming tone to them when they say you can prevent the pain of a cp if you don't test early. Well I tested after AF was late and it still f**king happened to me.
I'm angry because these were the only times in my life I have been pregnant, how could I ever feel secure in one again? All of us who have mc's have been robbed of that carefree anxiety free pregnancy, instead of hope and excitement I will be a nervous wreck, and that pisses me off, to be robbed of that. I'm also scared there is something wrong with me now and I will never have a baby.
When it was finally over I felt relieved, we could start ttc again, the odds would be in our favour this time.
Well we got pregnant first cycle ttc and I just found out yesterday it was a chemical pregnancy, it never implanted properly. I found out by getting HCG serials done because my Dr wanted to monitor me after the last mc. I was at work when I got the results and I had a panic attack and had to be driven home. I also started bleeding when I got home.
It just seems so insanely unfair and cruel, people also seem less sympathetic this time round, like a cp isn't the same as the mc I had before. The websites I read piss me off no end as well, they have a bit of victim blaming tone to them when they say you can prevent the pain of a cp if you don't test early. Well I tested after AF was late and it still f**king happened to me.
I'm angry because these were the only times in my life I have been pregnant, how could I ever feel secure in one again? All of us who have mc's have been robbed of that carefree anxiety free pregnancy, instead of hope and excitement I will be a nervous wreck, and that pisses me off, to be robbed of that. I'm also scared there is something wrong with me now and I will never have a baby.
