Bad Children or Bad Parents?

[Justagirlxx]

Just wanted to elaborate. I know a lot of you have said that it must be "bad children" or "nature" because of the fact that these children have successful siblings. I just wanted to add my two cents on this... the same parents can raise two different children completely differently, whether it be two children of the same or opposite genders. I saw this in my own family with my sister and I. I was the eldest and my mother treated me much differently from my sister. She treated me more like her friend growing up, talked to me about "adult" problems from a young age (bills, her and my fathers personal life, her abuse growing up as a child, etc) but never talked to my sister about these things. Anyways my sister and I are now vastly different people. I don't agree with my mom introducing these things to me at such a young age but I see how it has shaped me differently, I am more aware and empathetic of others than my sister. I actually am going to school to be a counselor and I think it's because I've always been some sort of child-therapist for my mother. I am also more of a worrier than my sister, and more protective. So although I believe it's both nature and nurture that shapes us, I also believe that siblings can be vastly different because of bad parenting of one and not the other, or just different parenting. x

 

[PeanutBean]

I think most people said it's a combination but I agree Justagirl that parenting can be very different between siblings. It's not that rare that the oldest or youngest or a boy or a girl will be particulary favoured for whatever reason of an individual parent which can have a huge impact both on the favoured child and the less favoured ones.

 

[Laura2919]

I think its a bit of both. I have an older brother and sister and there is only 16 months between them. My mum lost twin boys at 22 weeks before she has any of us and I think she treats my brother differently to how she treats me and my sister. She is harder on us as in if we needed to borrow money she would question why, where if my brother asked she would give it to him. We never get the reaction he does. He lives at home with them and he is 28 no girlfriend, no kids, mum still does his finances and his banking, cooks for him, cleans for him, washes, irons.. The works.. We were always made to pull our weight, do some ironing, cooking, cleaning, something around the house but he never was. He still doesnt now. He works though and thats something my mum has always brought us up to do. I say mum because I do have a dad but the roles reverse, dad is much harder on my brother than he is with me and my sister. Me and my sister have children and we dont live at home. My point is in some way a parent is to blame. My brother is like he is (dependant on my parents) because its always what he has known. My point is that its a bit of both. Bad children, Bad parents. I think my childhood was great and I know she loves us all the same.

 

[lucy_x]

i agree there a both, and it depends on the situation. children learn by what they see/are told. and if that behaviour is coming from the parents its likely to follow...
however this isnt always the case.

 

[NuKe]

it's the age-old "nature vs nurture" debate isnt it? i honestly dont know!