Bad mother?

[RUBY2122]

I really hope I am not alone here... am feeling like a bad mummy ;(

I have a ds 13 months and am pregnant with the last little piece of our family.

I adore my son..absolutely adore him.... but...

motherhood is not enough. I... feel like all the other mums are getting something I am not out of this... I didn't find breastfeeding a joy, I hated getting up all night long and I must admit that I find playing with my baby all day kind of boring. I am tired of hearing people say that they 'miss their baby' when they have gone to bed and that they 'cry when they leave them at nursery' and 'wish they could stay at home with the kids all day' - don't get me wrong I respect all these people and I know their comments are not to make me feel bad... but they do because that is not how I feel.. why don't I feel that way? I did cry the first time I left DS at nursery and worried about him all day but now? I know he is fine there, even when he grizzles at drop off I know that as soon as he is distracted with breakfast he settles down fine and is all smiles when I pick him up later. I work three days a week.. I used to hate my job and thought I would never want to go back but now I ... look forward to it! I enjoy driving in with my music playing as loud as I like, having grown up conversations all day and gossiping with my colleagues over (hot!) coffee. I confess...when my work mates went out on the rip after work yesterday I resented having to come home straight from work to pick up ds.. (in fairness I could have popped out for a soft drink if DH was around to pick the baby up but he is away at the moment).

Am I really a bad mum because I miss some of my own freedom? I know they wont be babies forever.. or even for very long and I so want to savour and enjoy these days while they last but sometimes... I find it hard.

 

[missk1989]

I don't think that makes you a bad mum. I miss doing what I like when I like and having the freedom to leave the house on a whim. I don't miss my job but I do get bored sometimes. I just wish for a day every now and then when I can just be free!

 

[Larkspur]

I don't think you're a bad mother at all.

Everyone is different, and different things work for everyone. Some people adore being SAHMs, some people like to combine work and motherhood, and nobody should feel bad about the mix that works for them.

I absolutely love my son, have a lot of great times with him, and would do anything for him, but I enjoy other aspects of my life too. I have had a job that demands a lot of mental energy (which I love) for many years, and honestly, spending a whole 8-10 hours doing activities suitable for an infant is not stimulating enough for me sometimes. So I work three days a week too. That allows me to enjoy the two full days I have with my son without becoming resentful and feeling that my life is just housework, books about animals, making and serving baby food, block towers, nappy changes, Playdoh and singing Down By The Station 40 times in a row (that's an over-simplification, of course, but you know what I mean).

To be honest, it hasn't occurred to me to feel bad that I don't feel bad. Almost everyone I know balances their life as a mother in some way, through preference or need. Unless you are constantly preoccupied with thoughts of abandoning your role as a mother, I think finding aspects of child-raising boring or hard, and sometimes wishing you could be less responsible or more free than you currently are pretty much universal to mums.

 

[Indi84]

That doesn't make you a bad mum! In my eyes, abuse physical or mental, drugs, neglect etc makes a bad parent, wanting adult time makes you normal!

I'm a sahm now, I adore my son, I've had plenty of dinners out, but never been away from him longer then three hours... I can't wait for a break! Mil is taking him tomorrow for the afternoon and napping him there, I'm so excited lol!
In fact I'm hoping she will have him over night in the next two months in prep fur us going to a romantic hotel one night without him!
I don't feel guilty, 99% of my time is with him, baby groups, cuddling, reading, holding, feeding, singing, changing, taking out.. the other 1% I just want to be left alone!

 

[VikkiD]

I don't think your a bad mum Hun. I would love a break so that me an my hubby could have a night out no one as ever offered have lo an we don't really have anyone we can ask but I am itching to have a baby free day/night.

 

[Miss Vintage]

I could have written this myself, so I completely understand the guilt you feel. I thought it made me a bad mum too as all the other women in my NCT group seem to be getting something out of motherhood that I seem to be missing. But I've learnt it just makes me a different mum, not any worse or better than anyone else. I've also come to the conclusion that I am not a baby person. I'm so looking forward to when my son is older and we can actually have conversations, even if they are only about the various merits of having cookies for breakfast.

 

[Beccaboop]

I agree with the others it doesnt make you a bad mum! I get soo bored staying at home all day with just my baby i prefer weekends when my husband is home mostly so i can just have adult conversation even if it is just about lo!

I try to get out everyday to baby groups or just into town with a friend (at this age lo is just happy to sit and look around at everything so doesnt mind shopping!) if i have no plans and stay home all day i feel really bored and lonely!

I dont miss my job cos i hated it but when lo starts school i dont think i'll mind dropping him off and going to work to spend time with adults for a few hours!

 

[justmeinlove]

Becca, are u near surrey? Cos ditto re bored, maybe we could meet up!

 

[Beccaboop]

Becca, are u near surrey? Cos ditto re bored, maybe we could meet up!

No im in Andover, Hants according to google thats an hour and a half from surrey by car but i dont drive sorry.

 

[justmeinlove]

Np!

 

[onetwothreebp]

Keep in mind - many women gush to other people about how much they love their children and how satisfying it is, etc - because they feel like it is expected of them. Deep down, some of those women may feel the same way you do, but fear that if they admit they like some time away from their children, they'll be judged.

It's easy to say 'my child is my entire world'; it's a lot harder to say 'my child is a piece of my world'.

 

[tinytabby]

Keep in mind - many women gush to other people about how much they love their children and how satisfying it is, etc - because they feel like it is expected of them. Deep down, some of those women may feel the same way you do, but fear that if they admit they like some time away from their children, they'll be judged.

It's easy to say 'my child is my entire world'; it's a lot harder to say 'my child is a piece of my world'.

This is what I'd say, but you've said it so much better.

Now I'm back at work part time I feel like a better mum because I feel like myself again.

 

[kissesandhugs]

No, you are not a bad mother. I love my son, I'd do anything for him. But I also love my full time job, I love my time away, and I find playing with him boring as crap. Mostly bc he's not interested and is more of an independent player....and even saying that. I hope he really does just play better independently and I'm not just saying that to make myself feel better. I know how you feel But as a pp said, it doesn't make you a bad mother just means we're a different type & there's nothing wrong with that!!

 

[F0xybabe]

I could have written this myself! I thought being a sahm was for me. I thought I was "destined" for it. But lately I feel sad that I want something else. I think its just mild baby blues in my case, and my little girl is going through some hellish sleep so I'm dreaming of a future where my baby sttn or at least goes down without a fight.

I often hear to "savor" the moment and enjoy it while it lasts but I find myself wishing the moments away. I'm dreaming of the day I can let her off at her dads and have a nap