Bad news. How do you all cope?

[hayley2]

We got bad news from our FS today. She said that we have very near no chance of falling pg naturally unless we get a miracle.

ICSI is our only option with me having PCOS and my OH having Antisperm Antibodies.

We are in shock and absolutely gutted

ICSI is not cheap and we don't have the money to pay for it at the moment. Maybe in a few years.

How do you all do this girls?? I feel like such a failure

 

[sparkle83]

first and foremost you are not a failure at all. Would you say that any of the rest of us are failures? Of course not, so you aren't either.

As for how you get through it, I honestly dont know. You just try and hold your head up, not look at the pregnant people you see, not listen to the assvice of 'friends' or family, and focus on your marriage, your pets...I really dont know... you just _do_.

Is donor sperm definately not an option?

 

[sparkle83]

and incidentally, very nearly no chance? and yet you've done it twice already? I think maybe the FS is being a bit pessimistic.

 

[hayley2]

My boys are from my first marriage. My OH has never fathered a child.

I don't think anyone here is a failure but i suppose i just feel sad and angry right now. Why should this be so bloody hard???!!!

I'm very lucky to have my boys, i know that but my OH has never experienced what i have. I feel so sad for him. He looks so lost.

 

[sparkle83]

Is there no treatments for it at all?

 

[Kelly9]

I took it one day at a time. The first 2 weeks were the hardest but the days went by faster and things got easier. Try and do things you love for a while or try new things. There will come a day when everything will work out and you will get your treatment and baby. Good luck!

 

[NeyNey]

Has the FS offered any advice to DH to help improve the quality of his sperm. As that seems strange that he just outright said that....There are a lot of natural remedies for improving sperm count. I'd do some research, as the PCOS will hinder you, but wont stop you, as we've seen there are plenty of women who conceive with PCOS...I'm one of those hopefuls...(fingers crossed). So I would not give up yet, and personally I'd make plans to see a new FS

xox

 

[JASMAK]

You are NOT a failure!!! Don't give up. Hope is not a bad thing (and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise). Take it one day at a time, and let yourself grieve over this news.

 

[chefamy1122]

You are NOT a failure. Sometimes things are just harder than they supposed to be (I wish I knew WHY....) Just remember you have a great support system here with all the LTTC girls, and we are all here for one another.

 

[WTTMommy]

If your FS makes you feel like there's no hope, switch to another quickly!

 

[Lilly123]

U and DH are not a failure.. the problem can and will be overcome! Keep hope hun and keep trying.... you will get there... it may just take a little longer.

Try to focus on u and DH for now...away from all this ttc business as you lose sight of that. Have your goals and plan i.e. ICSI.. saving etc and then work towards them and like i said before... there is always a chance

Good luck hun

xxxx

 

[peartree]

I just try to focus on the positive things - that at least we live in an age where ICSI/IVF is possible, and that we could have a family after all.

DH is also taking B vit and zinc supplements to help, and so we're still hoping that it might happen naturally. At least that's something to focus on until our FS appointment.

Just take one day, one hurdle at a time.

 

[CurlySue]

Well, for one thing, ICSI is not your only option so your FS was wrong, there. I know a couple who had the same problem. They tried IUI (a much cheaper, less invasive procedure) and the 'washing of the sperm' removed all antibodies. She fell pregnant.

There ARE other options. Your FS jumped straight to the most expensive one. When a couple have to pay for their treatment I have actually noticed this to be a bit of a pattern, in some places, that the specialist will bypass the less expensive options and jump straight to ICSI or IVF. It's worth discussing at least, IUI.

 

[Vici]

I think its terrible your FS has been so pessamistic, they are there to help you hun. I also know people in similar situations who used IUI successfully. So sorry you're having such a rough time hun

 

[hayley2]

Thanks girls for being so kind

The FS said that ASA is very rare and as he has a low mobility count as well. Unfortuately there is no treatment for ASA and he has a severe case.

As I have PCOS as well and don't O without Clomid then there is really no hope of it happening naturally.

My FS was kind and said that sometimes miracles do happen that they can't explain so keep BDing and be hopeful but being realistic prob not.

Hence moving onto ICSI but with no funding for us it costs a hell of a lot!

 

[MrsR32]

I'm so sorry you didn't get the news you wanted hun.

If you don't feel you can justify seeing a different FS, I would try to focus on saving for the ICSI - work out your finances and see how much you can save each month, you can then work out how many months it will be until you can afford the treatment - at least then you've got a goal and a plan of how to get there. If you manage to get your "miracle", you can blow all the savings on a gorgeous nursery!

xx

 

[ald]

Oh hunni I am so sorry your FS said that, my FS said the same to us and we are now on the IVF waiting list. I went back to my doctor as I was so upset and he was much nicer and really talked us through everything, he said that it wasnt impossible that it would happen it will just take longer and never give up hope.

Please don't feel like a failure, you are not, there is no reason why this happens to us, but you will get to your goal and have a baby with your dh, maybe not this month or next, but it will happen!

Please PM me if you want to chat xx

 

[wannabmum]

Hi huni

Firstly you are in no way a faliure.............

As to how we cope I really don't have an answer our circumstances are slightly different DH has azoospermia (no sperm in ejeculate) so ssr &ICSI is our only hope of having a family, At that at the moment it is very raw for u and it will just take time to sink in try and focus on u and dh & try and remember we are all here for you.

xxx

 

[rachelle1975]

Hey Hayley

So sorry to hear what the FS said.

We got diagnosed last year with MF infertility and told ICSI was our only option - DH felt like a failure but i just look on it as a challenge. So many people have kids with bigger obstacles to overcome than that - i just figured it would definitely happen. Don't get me wrong, i have my down days but i am positive that it will happen to us and that hopefully next year we'll have bambinos a plenty!

I know money is a huge problem for funding ICSI as it tends to be about 5k a go - we get 1 go free BUT being realistic i doubt it will work first time. I have researched donating some of my eggs and the Lister clinic in Chelsea does an option where if you get 10 eggs you donate 5 of them to a couple and in return you get free standard IVF - you have to pay about 1k for the ICSI bit though? Just a though

 

[Cupcake Queen]

Hayley

I am in the same situation as you - I have PCOS and DH has antibodies. He has fathered a child before to previous wife (albeit 7 yrs ago). So we are going to FS tomorrow to find out what we can do. From what I understand, not all is lost. Chin up - you have two wonderful children. I have none, so you are two up on me.