Bad play dates, anyone?

[whatwillbex]

Hi

Has any one had a bad play date before?

It sounds silly but I can stop thinking about it as it has really made me question my parenting.

After my csection I accepted some help from this lady who I had just met and I thought we had a lot in common and our kids got a long really well. It was a big deal to me to open the doors and let someone in as I suffer from anxiety.
Anyway she took the kids out for 4 hours which I think really tired them out. I sent a txt saying it was ok to come back as she must be tired too. They came back to mine and played nicely in my child’s room, I went upstairs and said to the kids do you want to come down stairs and have snack. I’ll put a film on for them to watch to have some down time.
Then the other Mum come up stairs and then things got a bit weird haha. The kids all got stressed as the other Mum said no they have to sit at the table and eat and no tv as they don’t do that at home they sit at the table nicely. Which normally we would do but I just thought it would be nice to have a picnic in the living room. So sat up the table but dd got upset as she wanted to watch a film and snack. we managed to calm her down and then they had a snack up the table but the lady commented on the way my dd was eating her biscuit as she started dunking it in her milk which weirdly she has never done this before but didn’t worry me. They then went back up to play and the lady went with them upstairs. I tidied up then went upstairs to find my child not sharing her toys. She’s also never done that before it was so akward. The lady was telling her child that my dd hasn’t learnt to share her toys yet but will need to learn when the baby gets bigger. Such a shame as they were playing lovely before hand and she didn’t see. My dd was even given her child toys to take home!
I just stood in my own home bit confused as this lady was taking over and everyone included myself felt really stressed. My dd flipped out as her room was then a mess and they were then putting the toys away in the wrong places. So I’m worried about my Dd behaviour and how she reacted. I feel bad she was trying to help as I only had a section 4 days before. Ever since this play date our kids do not seem to get along at school and don’t play together like they used too.
The other mother and I don’t really talk much now, we say hi and have quick little chats but it’s a bit akward. I’m worried she thinks my dd is naughty. Sorry long post but for some reason it plays on my mind and has put me off play dates or mingling with other mums.

Anyone had a bad experience?

 

[lau86]

Not so much with play dates, to be honest I would only arrange for someone to come over if they were my friend or just dropping their child off! I think the other mum got over involved to be honest and maybe upset the dynamic which is why your daughter wasn't sharing. Also I think it is a bit strange to come into your house and be inflexible like that, even if they don't watch tv at home she could've let that one go and said something like 'well as it's a special occasion we can do x y z'. I think I would've felt stressed too!

 

[Natasha2605]

Not so much with play dates, to be honest I would only arrange for someone to come over if they were my friend or just dropping their child off! I think the other mum got over involved to be honest and maybe upset the dynamic which is why your daughter wasn't sharing. Also I think it is a bit strange to come into your house and be inflexible like that, even if they don't watch tv at home she could've let that one go and said something like 'well as it's a special occasion we can do x y z'. I think I would've felt stressed too!

Totally agree with this.

How brazen of the other Mum to just take over like that. I hope your daughter and her child go back to having the friendship they did previously.

 

[daneuse27]

I wouldn't worry too much! Your dd had a kid she didn't know very well in her room, playing with her toys, which was an awkward situation for her. It doesn't mean she "hasn't learned how to share", I think it was unfair for the other mom to say that.

My daughter acted similarly at her 5th birthday which we hosted at our house. We invited a handful of friends to our house, and one of the moms decided to stay. The girl started grabbing stuff that belonged to my daughter and playing with it, and my daughter freaked out. It turned out to be hard to calm her down, and the other mom wasn't telling her daughter leave the stuff alone (which I personally would have done in her shoes.) My daughter had to be taken outside to the porch to be spoken to, warned and calmed down.. it was disappointing, because she's normally quite well behaved and I didn't expect her to need to get in trouble at her own birthday party. She is an only child, but I think it largely had to do with the excitement of everything, and the fact that kids she's not used to having in her home are suddenly grabbing her stuff. We expect kids to be ok with this, but we would feel uncomfortable too if the same was done to us by another adult.

 

[Witchrose]

The other woman was way out of line. When I was a kid and I'd go home after visiting a friend, saying things like, "X's parents let her do so and so." "They let us eat so and so..." My parents had a stock answer: "Their house. Their rules. Our house. Our rules."

I could never imagine entering another person's house and ordering its owners about or making rude comments about their child. It's obnoxious, and she has to realize that different people have different ways (like with the film and eating) You have to be able to deal with that.

I would just say a polite "hello" when I run into the other woman, and let the children figure out things on their own.

 

[Babybump87]

Totally agree with Witchrose ! We have nanny and grandads house rules and our home rules ! It your house .

How rude and inconsiderate of the other Mum she seems so very strict and over bearing on her kids.

I wouldn’t even bother with her now . The kids will figure things out eventually

 

[whatwillbex]

Thanks everyone, it really annoyed me for about two weeks after having DS that I didn’t speak up and I should have helped dd, felt like I let her down. Just took me back a bit and I think the lack of sleep I just stood there. I’m very much the same and tell my daughter every family has different rules. I hope so to and the kids can figure it out. I wish I could just have the kids around our house minus the parents would be so much easier.

 

[lau86]

Thanks everyone, it really annoyed me for about two weeks after having DS that I didn’t speak up and I should have helped dd, felt like I let her down. Just took me back a bit and I think the lack of sleep I just stood there. I’m very much the same and tell my daughter every family has different rules. I hope so to and the kids can figure it out. I wish I could just have the kids around our house minus the parents would be so much easier.

You're being too hard on yourself x
You should be able to have just the kids at that age. Especially if they're at school they must be fairly independent of their parents. Just say to the other parents- maybe they can play together and you can have a nice break!!