bedtime

[Lizzybee]

Ok so what I really want is some one to tell me its ok!
So Ds is 14m. He was bf for 12m. This meant he fed to sleep at night. But as a result he has never been awake when put to bed. Now the thing is I know he can self settle. He does it in the day at nursery and has done it in the day for mil. But he won't do it for me. Not day or night. So I sit with him, cuddle if he wants and then he falls asleep. He does like to put his hand down my top. He mainly plays with my collar bone but to others it looks like he's trying to feel my boobs!!!! (I am trying to stop him doing this bit)
What I really want to know is has anyone been through this and come out the other side with a child who will go to bed on their own or will he still rely on me when he's 20!!!?
I've tried CIO and PUPD but he will scream and scream and it doesn't stop. In the end ( after an hour of blood curdling screaming) I have to settle him because he's so worked up its unreal.
I can't ask friends cos they have perfect babies that go to bed awake at 6.30pm and sleep until 7am. "And there's nothing worse than a baby who won't go to sleep on their own" is what they tell me.
So should I stop beating myself up because it will all be ok in the end? Or is hours of screaming like I've abandoned him the way to go?

 

[FarmMom]

My dd is 12 months and has to be nursed to sleep pretty much every time, and won't sleep alone at all. She won't do it forever. Sometimes it's frustrating, but i figure she just needs the comfort right now. Every baby is different, and i try not to compare mine to others because i will just go crazy that way! Do what feels right to you.

 

[Lizzybee]

My dd is 12 months and has to be nursed to sleep pretty much every time, and won't sleep alone at all. She won't do it forever. Sometimes it's frustrating, but i figure she just needs the comfort right now. Every baby is different, and i try not to compare mine to others because i will just go crazy that way! Do what feels right to you.

Thanks FarmMom. I'm not necessarily comparing against others ( I know it kind of sounds like that) but rather other mums constantly ask me what mine does! Then I'm made to feel like I've done something wrong!
I must have missed the page in the baby manual that said put the baby down while awake so it learns to self settle. According to bounty emails I keep getting I should have done this at 3 months!!! ( shame they didn't send it at the right time!!)
I just want a mum who has done what I'm doing to say "yep it's ok, mines 4 now and goes to bed fine!"

 

[Button#]

I can say it! I fed or cuddled DS to sleep until he dropped his evening feed of his own accord at about 18 months. Then I started putting him in his bed and sitting next to it while he fell asleep, sometimes cuddling him or holding his hand. At 21 months he was messing around and so I left the room but he didn't cry and just chatted to himself until he fell asleep.

Now he's 3 and can go to sleep by himself. We have had a phase of us wanting to stay with him recently but that's down to the new baby and him needing a bit more reassurance. He's getting past it now.

 

[Lizzybee]

I can say it! I fed or cuddled DS to sleep until he dropped his evening feed of his own accord at about 18 months. Then I started putting him in his bed and sitting next to it while he fell asleep, sometimes cuddling him or holding his hand. At 21 months he was messing around and so I left the room but he didn't cry and just chatted to himself until he fell asleep.

Now he's 3 and can go to sleep by himself. We have had a phase of us wanting to stay with him recently but that's down to the new baby and him needing a bit more reassurance. He's getting past it now.

Thank you.... That sounds like it happened easily.... Did it?

 

[Button#]

Yes it was quite a surprise, he was obviously just ready then. He also started sttn at around the same time, before then he was a rubbish sleeper. Best thing I ever did with regards to his sleep was to stop worrying how he went to sleep and how many times he woke up. I just decided to make life as easy for myself as possible. If cuddling him to sleep got him in bed in ten minutes and trying to get him to self settle took him an hour I went for the quick option.

 

[Lizzybee]

Yep you are right, stop worrying and go with the flow! I just need reassurance that's ok! So many things and people to influence what you do and how.... So much pressure!

 

[Larkspur]

Yep!

My DS nursed to sleep until about 14 months, when he started unlatching and pulling towards his cot. So I'd put him in there and rub his back till he went to sleep. Then he started doing longer stretches, and only waking 1-2 times. Around 16 months he started STTN, and by 18 months he was consistently STTN. Lights out now around 7pm after reading books, there's a little talking and cuddling, I tuck him in and he goes to sleep by himself and sleeps through till 6.30amish.

Didn't do a thing to make it happen myself, he was just ready for it.

My daughter has been nursed *almost* to sleep for all of her 12 months, but she actually always self-settles to sleep. She is just starting to do longer stretches - well, was until last night when she was up all night with a vomiting bug. I know that pretty soon she'll start STTN too. When she's ready.

Your friends are lovely, I'm sure, but I'm afraid they are full of shit. They just got lucky with good-sleeping babies. But don't beat yourself up. It will happen for your baby when he is ready.

 

[Lizzybee]

Yep!

My DS nursed to sleep until about 14 months, when he started unlatching and pulling towards his cot.

My daughter has been nursed *almost* to sleep for all of her 12 months, but she actually always self-settles to sleep. She is just starting to do longer stretches - well, was until last night when she was up all night with a vomiting bug. I know that pretty soon she'll start STTN too. When she's ready.

Your friends are lovely, I'm sure, but I'm afraid they are full of shit. They just got lucky with good-sleeping babies. But don't beat yourself up. It will happen for your baby when he is ready.

Love this reply Larkspur!!! It totally made me feel very happy and I nearly spat my coffee out laughing at the last part!!! Thank you!

 

[SarahBear]

Hey, Violet is 2.5 and doesn't nurse to sleep anymore. But she does need someone with her in order to fall asleep. It seems falling asleep alone is around the corner. She did do it once and I'm going to start leaving the room for brief periods such as to brush teeth or put dishes away. I'll slowly move her toward independence that way and adjust the pace according to her comfort level with it.