Best friend being mean.

[CaptainMummy]

Paige has one friend at preschool with whom she is pretty much obsessed, and vice versa. They play together ALL the time, talk about each other all the time too.
The thing is, this little girl isnt very nice to Paige sometimes. She comes back from preschool with pen on her pinafore, or her arms. Her friend did it. She drew a special picture the other day but her friemd ripped it. She tells me that when they go to the book corner together, her friend never lets her choose a book and they always read what she wants. She also bit Paige on one occasion.
It doesnt help that Paige isnt assertive in the slightest. She tells me that she tells her friend not to do soemthing, which Im sure she does, but Im pretty sure she doesnt make herself sound assertive, and certainly doesnt physically try to stop anything. She has always been this way.

Surely this isnt the way a young friendship should be? Her teachers tell me they do try to encourage them to play seperately too, but they still end up together.

I feel like Paige is being led by this little girl, and when she doesnt want to do something, she is scared and does it anyway.
I have her parents meeting with her keyworker on Tuesday, and I am definitely going to bring it up, but what can they do?

 

[LaughOutLoud]

Hmmm, i know what you mean but to be honest I wouldnt have a clue what to do either. DD is similar. She is really chatty with grown ups and more mature in some respects than other girls her age. She loves playing with others but tends to stick to one special person most the time. I know what you mean about the friend pushing them around and ive told DD many times about how she should say no and to think for herself but its still the case. She is always trying to make the other girls feel important and gets really excited when seeing her friends but they tend to just 'take advantage' of this (cant think of a better phrase/word!').

I did tell her teacher because i dont want her growing up and being influenced negatively and to be able to stand up for herself. Teacher just said they will talk to the whole class.

I keep talking to her but it doesnt really help. I hope you get some answers and at least the hitting should be noticed/picked up by the teachers.

May be next year they can be placed in separate classes?

 

[aimee-lou]

We have a few 'friendship group issues' in Earl's class at the moment. (Earl's teacher's words at parent evening). There are a couple of boys who are vying to be alpha and it's causing a few issues. Thankfully Earl isn't involved to much of an extent except he doesn't like people being upset so he tends to try to help people and while that's not a bad thing he can end up being upset himself.

There's one boy in particular who Earl is great friends with, but he's a bossy little......well you get the idea lol. I'm forever hearing that A did this, or said this, or that he was mean to me, or the worst one for me is when we're reading a book, will A knows Everything!!! lol. I have told earl not to listen to everything he says and not to follow if he doesn't want to. Most of the time he does but it's every day I'm getting something back about this boy, maybe not directed at Earl but Earl is a gossip! lol

I would ask about taking steps to separate them if that's at all possible if this little girl is dominating yours. You can't be there to supervise though, so maybe just teach her some coping strategies, like if the girl hurts her, to go and find a certain adult, or to teach her some phrases that she can repeat to you so she knows exactly what to say. I do this with Earl and that seems to help him be more assertive.

 

[CaptainMummy]

Thanks ladies. She has never hurt her other than the one biting incident (so Im not worried about her being physically hurt) and I think the little girl is just so used to getting whatever she wants and being the centre of everything (she is an only child, and very outspoken) whereas Paige has always been very considerate of others' feelings and is naturally quite shy/quiet.
Im genuinely not sure if her friend even realises how she acts, so I am hoping that she will learn to consider Paiges feelings. She does seem to really like Paige as a friend, and they get excited to see each other, talk about all sorts of stuff etc (the teacher says that they remind her of two teenagers, the way they sit and chat and giggle away) but it just saddens me to think that Paige is sometimes feeling inferior to her friend.

 

[Cattia]

Abigail has a friend like this too. She loves her and they get on really well but her friend always makes up the rules of the games, dictates who can and can't play what part (they are usually playing mums and dads or princesses etc) and is generally quite bossy. I try to give Abigail lines to say to help her stand up for herself. She tends to get emotional if she doesn't like the way things are rather than actually being able to speak up for herself. Also this friend is desperate to play with Abigail when it's just the two of them but whenever there are more children involved she will go and play with someone else instead and leave Abigail out.
Luckily they are now at different schools and Abigail has a new best friend at school, which seems like a much healthier and even relationship. She still sees her friend a lot outside school but I don't have to worry about it as much. Are they likely to be going to the same school? If so and this remains a problem you could request for them not to be in the same class, if that's possible. I also think the best thing you can do is try to actively encourage other friendships by making play dates etc, and trying to give her some assertive things that she can say to this girl. I try to tell Abigail that she should walk away if her friend is being bossy and find someone else to play with.

 

[RachA]

Is Paige actually bothered by this girl always choosing the books etc ?


My son has one really good friend at school. They are really close but oh my goodness they bicker so much. They always make up really quickly and the teacher isn't bothered because they are never really hurtful-they just want to be the one in charge! For ages DS would come home telling me they played what this boy wanted etc. it sounded like it was bothering my son but as times gone on it transpired that it doesn't at all and actually they do play what my son wants to.
What you have to remember is that you don't always get the full story from your child. Many a time my son said they had to play what his friend wanted. He was just in a strop and what actually they played what he wanted they day before!!

It's a good idea to speak to the preschool though.