Better off alone? (V V Long-sorry)

[louise0808]

Hi everyone,

This is my first pregnancy and my baby is due on 6th June.

Never thought id be doing this on my own, but now im starting to wonder if im better off.?

Iv been with my boyfriend just over 2 years, when i met him i was married to a good guy that id been with for 15 years, we were like best friends but the spark had gone in our relationship and we drifted apart.

When i met my boyfriend i was unhappy with my life and i suppose he was new and exciting, but he was also married but with 2 children and he said he was in a similar situation to me.

Anyway to cut a long story short, i continued my relationship with this man and moved out of mine and my husbands home and back to my moms, (not telling anyone that id met someone else) just becoz i didnt want to lie to my husband and to give myself some breathing space.

The new man was very attentive at first and would always want to see me but it was awkward as i was now living back at home with parents.
Anyway, i soon realised that his relationship was def more on than off as they still did family stuff together and i had to accept that on family occasions, i wasnt involved becoz he had a seperate life with his family.

He told me that he didnt love his wife but that they were together for the sake of the children (although not living together)
I put up with this for a long time and as my feelings deepend i couldnt handle it, but by then it was too late as i was hooked.

He treated me quite badly really, letting me down and i always came last on his list of priorities.
He even spent xmas 2007 on holiday with his wife and kids, i swore i wouldnt stand for it but still took him back when he got back home in the january.

I gave him an ultimatum before he went away saying he needed to tell her if he wanted to be with me, and sure enough he did.

I thought it was a breakthrough, and even introduced him to my parents in april of last year, anyway our relationship has had lots of ups and downs and i admitt that on many occasions iv wondered why i persisted as he can be very selfish, going in strops and not contacting me for days on end, but i suppose i always had the option to walk away before.

When i found out i was pregnant i was unsure what i felt as i knew our relationship has never been stable, id also been thinking alot abot my husband and had had regretts about what id given up for this man.

Anyway i decided to go ahead with the pregnancy whether he was around or not altho he assured me he would be.

I only recently (before xmas) got introduced to his mum and have only met his children around half a dozen times, but when he took me there and introduced me i felt like part of something again.

As i mentioned before he is inclined to sulk and he missed my first scan as a result of this, i felt very lonely as i knew my husband would have never let me go through that on my own, i didnt hear from him for a couple of days and felt very let down, but then we seemed to get back on track and had a lovely xmas (our first spent together!)
then last saturday he went in a sulk over something and as i had done nothing wrong waited for him to contact me, by wednesday last week i hadnt heard a thing, so i text him explaining that i felt let down as tho he didnt care and that this sort of behaviour isnt good for a child to be born into. I explained that he couldnt just pick me up and drop me anytime he liked and that if that were the case id rather us not be together.

He text back making out he didnt know what i was on about and that if i wanted to contact him, that i knew his number!

I txt back saying that i wouldnt be phoning as he hadnt bothered to contact me for 4 days and that considering he wanted this baby he calls a "blessing" he didnt seem that interested now, i told him i could manage alone if need be and that i didnt love anyone enough to play games.

He told me i was talking shit and that if i was doing so fine on my own not to bother effin contacting him ever again!

I havent heard anything since and part of me doesnt want to as i know this will all just happen again, altho the other part of me feels sad that this is supposed to be a happy time and im having to do it alone.

Iv got my 20 week scan on the 19th jan and dreading doing it by myself.

I dont know how anyone can be that selfish to not even want to know if there baby is ok

I dont regret having this baby, i just wish it wernt with him

 

[Naya69]

you sound like someone who has their head firmly screwed on and know when things are not right. if i was in your type of situation i would wait to see how long it takes to call you, why should u make all the moves. theres a few girls on here who have problems with their babies dads so your not alone iam one of them were always here to listen to everyones rants lol.

do you have any friends or family that could go with u to your scan??

oh and just wanted to say my little boy was born on the 6th of june or as his dad says hes a demon seed as its the omens bday lol

 

[louise0808]

i got a text today, just asking me to meet him with his spare front door key 2moro, i didnt bother to reply. He's done this before when we'v fallen out, so not sure if it's just a way of breaking the ice or if he actually means it? either way, i dont really want to see him, and i know deep down it wont work even if i did give him another chance becoz of how he is.
Funny you should say about the birth date, the woman who did my scan, joked that it was a good job it wasnt 2006! only trouble is reverse the 9 and wot do you get!

I might ask my mom to come to the scan, im sure she wouldnt mind, just wish he cared enough to be interested.

 

[Naya69]

i know thats what i kept thinkin when he was born. he was due on the 31st of may so he was a little late. its good your standing your ground tells him you mean bussiness and iam sure your mum would love to go to a scan my mum came to one of mine and she loves it buyin her little pictures of joshua and then my ant came and a friend i had an emergency scan when i was 6 weeks due to a bleed i went hospital on my own had the scan on my own i was so scared as i had just started to like the thought of bein a mummy lucky everything was fine and all i saw was a little bean flashing on and off which was little joshua i never told anyone where i was except my friend who i worked with.

i thinks its better being on your own you get to make all the decisions if mike would of been wiv me he wanted to call josh john connor out of terminator lol i dont think so

xx

 

[estherous]

I feel for you, I really do. I am brand new to this single mum scenario and am having trouble coping. I had been with my partner for 4 years. He's irish and just over 2 months ago he decided we were going to move back to Dublin from Leeds for his work which I was fine with. He then turns around to me last week and tells me it's over between us and wanted to know what I was going to do. I had no idea. My dad came over to get me (I'm nearly 32 - you can imagine how that feels) and brought me back to his with my little 2 year old angle baby boy. My ex went absolutely beserk and called the police on me saying I had kidnapped and abducted his son. What he failed to mention was that I was in a foreign country with no friends, apartment or money - what did he expect???? Anyway, back in the UK now, know no-one, have no idea how I am going to sort things out financially and am generally lost emotionally. In the long term, I will be far better off but right now am in shock, anger and disgusted that men can get away with so much knowing us women are there to pick up the pieces.

If you ever need someone to talk to, I am always here x

 

[Naya69]

I feel for you, I really do. I am brand new to this single mum scenario and am having trouble coping. I had been with my partner for 4 years. He's irish and just over 2 months ago he decided we were going to move back to Dublin from Leeds for his work which I was fine with. He then turns around to me last week and tells me it's over between us and wanted to know what I was going to do. I had no idea. My dad came over to get me (I'm nearly 32 - you can imagine how that feels) and brought me back to his with my little 2 year old angle baby boy. My ex went absolutely beserk and called the police on me saying I had kidnapped and abducted his son. What he failed to mention was that I was in a foreign country with no friends, apartment or money - what did he expect???? Anyway, back in the UK now, know no-one, have no idea how I am going to sort things out financially and am generally lost emotionally. In the long term, I will be far better off but right now am in shock, anger and disgusted that men can get away with so much knowing us women are there to pick up the pieces.

If you ever need someone to talk to, I am always here x

you could not of said it any better chick men always know that us women will always pick up the pieces no matter what its like a child is 90% a womens and only 10% mens well its not its 50/50 and they should learn to take 50% of the responsibility cheeky gets.

what did your partner expect you to do in dublin walk the streets not knowing anyone of course you would want to go home i would of wanted to as well any normal person would xx

 

[estherous]

I know Naya, anyway, I'm safe at the moment, have to start thinking practically now. I don't really know where to start but I'm sure everything will sort itself out. I'll probably be on here heaps trying to sort things out in my head

 

[louise0808]

Hi Esther,

sorry to hear what he has put you through, reading these different posts it becomes apparent that most men are selfish idiotts and you should count yourself lucky if you get a good one!

I feel so stupid and have alot of regretts as i was married to a good guy, yes we had a few problems but he would never have treated me like this.

My boyfriend (so called) turned up after id finished work today and as i predicted, i think he wanted to talk, i opened the door and gave him his key back and he told me to get in the car, i said no and he told me again to just get in, normally i would but couldnt see the point as this has happened so many times before!

Anyway he drove off with his key and i sent him a text, basically saying nice knowing you, shame you didnt tell me you didnt give a toss a few months ago and that he's made his choice.

He text me back saying it was me that had decided i didnt want to talk and that it was me not him that had ended things.

We got into a txt debate and i basically reminded him that it was him that hadnt been in touch for a week or even bothered to find out how his unborn child is, but he just cant see it, saying he's done nothing wrong.

There is no remorse there and everything is always my fault and im just sick of it!
When i saw him, i just wanted things to be back to normal and get in the car with him, but how many times do i let him treat me like this?

The annoying thing is, he doesnt see his own father as he says he was never around when he was growing up and is basically a waste of space, i told him in my text that he judges other people but is no better himself.

If he could just admitt that he was in the wrong, just once!, but theres no point as he cant see it.

He told me not to text no more and that i should have my baby and do wot suits me, that he dont care what i want to do and if i involve him or not becoz he's had enuff of listening to my lies!

I wish i could believe that he really would let me get on with things on my own but i know as soon as the baby arrives, he will be the first shouting his mouth off at the front door demanding his right to see his child and causing me grief.

All iv ever wanted is for him to pay me the same respect that iv always given him, but it works differently for me, im expected to be treated like shit and take him back every time, no questions asked.

He's nearly 42 for god's sake (altho looks and acts much younger as you can tell)

If he wants to play around then let it be with someone else, he's made me look foolish in front of my family and what respect they did have for him has gone now, he's ruined everything and now im exactley where i didnt want to be!.

 

[estherous]

Hi Louise,
You poor thing, I really do feel for you. Seeing as my ex has realised the ball is in my court if he wants to see his son, he has calmed down somewhat - but I know he is doing it purely for his own gain. I know there are nice men out there but they are few and far between but persevere and one will come along, that's what I keep telling myself.
I keep telling myself I am better off on my own, at least my son will have 100% of my time and not be told off every few minutes for being too noisy. My ex loves his son dearly but in his own way. He keeps asking if his son misses him and to be honest, he hasn't really noticed which goes to show!!!!
Keep your chin up, I'm trying to and it's working. Your little one is and will be your priority and will bring you so much joy!!