Big Ball of Stress!!! Pregnant Again After Multiple Miscarriages

[tootsiepop]

Hi Ladies,

I often come to this site to read posts but have never joined or posted myself, but I am a huge ball of stress right now and would love to hear some inspiring stories, similar storeies and kind words and I need to basically vent . . . Lol.

I am 33 years old and I am pregnant for the 4th time in a 12 month period. I have a daughter who will be 13 years old in December - she was unplanned and I had no problems so it is hard for me to understand why I have had 3 miscarriages back to back in the last year. I am now pregnant for the 4th time this year (my last m/c was at the end of June) and I hate to say it but I am willing myself to not even get excited or happy about it because I don't know if I can emotionally take the let down of another m/c. All of my miscarriages were different but all were hard just the same. I'm sure you all know what I mean. This pregnancy was planned (as in ovulation testing and temping etc.) so I know I conceived on 10/3/13 so I am a little over 4 weeks. Because of my history I see my doctor at the end of the week.

My main worry is that last week (10/11) I had to have emergency oral surgery. I had a very bad absessed tooth that caused an infection that was spreading to my brain. It ate through bone and a portion of my sinus membrane and I had to have both bone and membrane replaced. I had 18 x-rays done and was taking pain meds every few hours along with very high doses of anitbiotics (2 different antibiotices together). I had no choice and of course it was only 7 dpo so I had no way of knowing if I was pregnant or not but there was no option of waiting - I was told it was so bad that I was lucky to be alive. Fast forward to last Friday (10/18/13) when I finally got a bfp. I was devastated and happy and regretful and guilty all at the same time. There has been no medical explanation given to me for my previous miscarriages except the second one my progesterone was a little low so I was on progesterone. My first m/c was at 13 weeks, second m/c was at 9 weeks and I got pregnant again before I even had a period and that ended up in a miscarriage at 7 weeks.

My heart and prayers go out to all of you who are dealing with this as well. It's hard especially when you are grieveing and people say things like "get over it, why are you crying so much", "don't worry you can try again" "it was so early, it wasn't even a 'real' baby yet". There doesn't seem anybody to talk to who completely understands the wave of emotions that you are feeling - sadness, guilt, hopelessness, anger, regret and then you try to move on and remain hopeful only for it to happen to you again and again. It's feels so unfair.

So now I'm sitting here at work, and I can't concentrate on doing any work and haven't gotten any work done all day because I'm web surfing and I'm feeling guilty because of the surgery and I'm scared to get excited or even hopeful and I hate to say this but if its going to happen I almost want it to happen already - I can't go through weeks of waiting and stressing of at every little cramp and tug and pain I feel in my body. We haven't told anyone yet of course and my best friend passed away a few years ago so I have no one to talk to! I am literally losing my mind!!!

 

[julesmw]

Oh, I'm sorry. A lot of us have been there. What has me still trying is that there really are success stories after RMC. I was tested extensively, and the only thing that came up was low VIT D. I have no success story of my own, but they are out there!

 

[SusieRose]

Hi. I often come to this forum so people can know there is a silver lining and its not all horror stories. I had three back to backc and each one got progressively more traumatic physically and mentally. Last one I haemorraghed was rushed to hospital woth cervical shock low heart rate etc. Six month's aftery last mc I find myself pregnant again whilst being treated at the gyno and being told no reason for our mcs after all the testing. After finding out you immediately tjink of all the at rosk stuff you've done. For me it was like I went through the list of things to avoid and did them. Unknowingly!! Ate pate, rare steak, Blue cheese, kettle bells, got sooo drunk at christmas parties, fell over at christmas parties. Like you, you know deep down of it's going to happen it will. Luckily I had brilliantly care at the epu at UHW. Scans every two weeks first trimester. Prescribed 75mg aspirin and 400mg cyclogest progesterone twice daily first 12 weeks. I had two bright red bleeds plus spotting. The worst bleed was the day of my dating scan which coincidentally was when my last mc happened. I bled through my clothes even the midwife thought the worst. They scanned me again and there was my little baby kicking away still. She was 11 weeks yesterday and she is amazing. I didn't stop worrying the whole way through as you know. Please feel free to pm me. Asl any questions. I wish you all the luck. Xxxxxx

 

[SusieRose]

Ps like me you will find you won't know the difference to what is normal pregnancy aches and pains and think the worst each time. I got bad lower back with all my pregnancies and also the ligament stretching pain can sometimes be quite painful and worrying. But its normal.

 

[Mumtodogs]

I'm so sorry for all your losses. I had 2 mc in 6 months this year, then a sticky BFP and I'm now 15 weeks along.

I wouldn't feel guilty about not allowing yourself to bond, I'm only just allowing myself to do this now. I had to protect myself. Every so often the thought that I'm having a baby hits me, but apart from that I don't allow myself any bonding.

I would chat to your GP about the emergency surgery you had, just for reassurance, you weren't to know x

 

[dairymomma]

I'm pregnant again just 5 weeks after my last miscarriage (a blighted ovum) and even though my labs show my hCG is rising normally, I'm starting to stress out big time because my symptoms aren't all that strong and the few that I do have seem to be going away already. It's hard to be pregnant after recurrent losses but I can also tell you from experience that when you do get to hold your full term baby, it makes it all worth it. I have two kids despite having had 8 other miscarriages and I can only hope/pray/wish that this baby will be born this summer instead of ending as my 9th miscarriage. I'm happy and excited (surprisingly) but that's not to say my nerves aren't there either, especially since I'm still, according to the medical world, unexplained other than progesterone issues.

 

[Linnypops]

Tootsie- I can see why you might feel anxious re oral surgery in first tri... However, I also had issues with root canal going wrong, re infected tooth etc. mine was sorted out prior to first getting pregnant, however I was worried about a recurrence and looked it up. The fact is it seems like the bacteria involved in oral infections are far worse for a pregnancy than oral surgery. They run down the immune system, the bacteria spread, and apparently it does affect pregnancy. I would say the oral surgery just in time is actually a great thing!! Getting rid of the infection gives you and your baby a strong system. All the very best to you and a happy and healthy 9 months!

 

[cathgibbs]

SusieRose im a fellow Welshie - i was put on Cyclogest Yesterday as i have had 2 mc and 1 ectopic - im petrified of this cyclogest delaying my mc though, im not sure when i Ov but my LMP was 29/10 . my HPts arent exactly blazing positive but def see a line. im booked in to have a scan at 6 weeks because of the ectopic etc but petrified it will be nothing there because of cyclogest but i have also heard wonderful things xxx

 

[TTCinKC]

I am in the sad boat also. I have had 3 known m/c but not all back to back. I do have healthy 9 yr old with whom I had no problems. I just found out today I'm expecting again after having m/c in late July of this year. I'm not allowing myself to get too attached or excited until I know this one sticks. All 3 of my m/c happened VERY early on (within two weeks of finding out).

I am taking precautions though: easy on the exercise, no caffeine, etc. bookin my first dr appt soon but I don't think they'll see me before I'm 8 wks. I'm now 4 or 5 wks.

 

[jelissamo]

i find comfort knowing I'm not the only one paranoid or scared about the possibility of miscarring again. i just mc'd in aug (1st time was before my daughter). both were at 5-6 weeks. I am 5 weeks right now and I'm feeling the pressure. I got symptoms really early this time, but every time is different. we're not telling family because of what happened in aug, so it's hard to do this without really reaching out. i too have paid to have my hcg tested last friday and again on monday, but I'm still not completely convinced that something could happen. I dont want my happiness to get crushed. Having faith is so hard at times.

 

[dairymomma]

I dont want my happiness to get crushed. Having faith is so hard at times.

Perfectly put. I'm now 9 weeks along and despite seeing baby 3 times on an ultrasound and being so happy that I am practically floating, I still have times when I wonder what if. But as the days go by and I pass miscarriage date after miscarriage date (only 2 left to go now), I feel a teensy bit more confident. Then I start thinking I'm jinxing it by being happy...It's a vicious and never-ending cycle isn't it?

 

[MrsMoose]

Hi ladies

I can really sympathise with how you all feel. I'm pregnant again (5w2d) for the 5th time after 4 miscarriages (1 ectopic). I struggle to find any joy in being pregnant - all I want to do is get past our 'milestone', which is seeing something on a scan at 7 weeks. In previous pregnancies I never saw anything on a scan as by that point I'd already miscarried And Dairymomma, I hear you on the whole feeling like you're going to jinx it if you're happy about it. I feel that constantly. I'm also always overanalysing symptoms, worrying why I don't have m/s yet, etc. It's so hard to bond with this little life inside me at the moment because I'm too scared it's going to leave.

Carmen. xx