Birth certificate

[Becyboo__x]

Right im registering mason on saturday .. obviously im single but the FOB if there involved or want to be involved have to go with you to be on the birth cerifiticate.. But i dont know what to do.. its hard cause id just put him on it but iv read about the rights and it says hell have the same rights as me..

Me and his dad still talk but i think he thinks cause weve got a kid together that were going to be an item again which iv made clear that were not i just dont feel that way towards him anymore and recently i dont even feel close to him anymore as friends its odd..

He dont exactly know how to take care of mason hell feed and change him but im just so worried to leave him with him if i chose to.. hes not the type of lad to take me to court i dont think over him either. But he hasnt brought a thing for him since hes been born or while i was pregnant.. and he wont pay towards him now cause he cant afford to as he only gets EMA off college .. (he needs to obviously get a job but he says he cant find anything).

Has anyone else been in this situation?
like still friends with the FOB what did you do put them on the birth certificate or not?

 

[littleblonde]

im not in your situation so maybe i cant fairly comment but i think for mason you should put his dad on the birth certificate. If his dad does end up being in his life then when he is older you may have to explane why his dad is not on there. But like i said i could feel different if i were in your situation so maybe im not the best person to answer.

 

[Linz88]

i wont be puttin m fob on the bc.. noway would i want him havin the same rights as me when he hasnt been to any scans and he sed he wont be either.

 

[suzanne108]

Hiya Becy

My FOB is on Lolas BC. We're not exactly friends and I hate his guts but he does want to be involved so I thought it was only fair on Lola. I also thought that if I didn't his mum would talk him into taking me to court so he'd end up on there anyway.

There are times when I've regretted it and I even nearly changed my mind in the registrars office but I do think I made the right decision. I hope he proves me right.

From what I've read in your other posts he doesn't seem like a bad person and I would say that I think you should put him on, thats only based on what I know though. I think you should do it for Masons sake. I completely understand why other girls on here haven't put FOBs name on their LOs though so I think it totally depends on the situation.

I think he should be giving you money though especially if you do put him on the BC...even if its only a little amount until he gets a job.

Does he know that you're in two minds?

Sorry I waffled! Xx

 

[Becyboo__x]

Thanks suzanne!
hes not a bad person at all hes lovely i just dont want to get back with him because i dont feel the same anymore we do get on and everything but he thinks were guna get back together cause of mason and iv told him were not but he can still see him and everything.

Same thing about his mum i think shell convince him to take me to court if i didnt put him on it cause soon as i went round for first time with mason she went are you putting jamie on the birth certificate.. and i was like yeah cause i wasnt going to go no lol!

I spose its best for mason specially that hes not a horrible person and he wants to be a dad.. but it does my head in how he doesnt know anything about babies or how to do things but i guess hes got to learn lol! he dont know im thinkin 2 things im going to register him saturday lol think ill just put him on it miswell !

do you let lolas dad have her ? on his own or does he come to you?

xx

 

[tinkabells]

My FOB isn't on my LO's i did want him on it, but he keeps changing his mind xxx

 

[suzanne108]

Well...this is why I keep having little regrets because he hasn't been to see her since the day we registered her which was 4 weeks ago. He lives about 2 and a half hours away so I won't be letting him take Lola down there until she's old enough.

Definitely dont get back together if you dont want to...my fob cant seem to get the message either but they will eventually!

Good luck with it xxx

 

[lou_w34]

Mine is a diff situation, so i cant say fairly either, but my fob is not on the BC and it was the best decision i have ever made.

He has done nothing for scarlett, seen her once (nearly 11 weeks ago now) Paid for absolutley nothing, and when he feels like it talks to me like crap if he even troubles himself to get in contact, says he's gunna come down but doesnt show up.... you get the picture lol

But yeah, if he's a nice guy, and wants to be a dad, then i see no harm in it, just make sure you are not pushed into something you may regret



xx

 

[Emma1980]

I see a birth certificate as something that is for the child, nothing can change who the babies daddy is so I put it on, its not a weapon that i think should be used (i'm not saying you ladies are doing that!)

if my babies dad would of had nothing to do with Fin i would of still wanted him on that BC for my childs sake...

 

[bloodbinds]

I didn't put FOB on the birth certificate because he didn't want to be on it :-/ I asked him to come with me and he said he didn't want to. He said he doesn't matter and the only reason he would be on it is to get custody of Bella if i died, and that he doesn't think my family would make it very difficult for him to get custody of her and he doesn't want that hassle :-/

I'm glad he's not on it anyway, i don't want him having the same rights as me, he can barely look after himself, let alone a baby!

 

[MissEfendi]

My son will always know who his father is. He does not need a birth certificate to know who his father is, and being a dad should not be dependant on whether their name is on the birth certificate or not. If you have a decent man who won't use the BC against you then put him on, but in my case the ex is controlling and will use his weight as a father to do whatever he can to chuck his weight around and control me and my son. So he is not on the BC , beside he does not deserve to have as much rights as me because he does not see his son much, nor do I want to know if I need to go away for a long time, move abroad, get him baptised etc that my ex is going to oppose that. I don't want him taking out a passport, and just taking him abroad. I also don't want my son going to him if I die. He will always know his dad and we do see him fortnightly but the relationship is not a proper father and son one and I doubt it could ever be with the distance and the damage the ex has done to my whole family.

 

[Becyboo__x]

i really am stuck i dont think he would ever turn on me he is a decent guy but im just scared about all his rights.. specially if anything did happen to me i would rather 1 of my parents bring him up or my sister then him because that would be the best thing seen as he doesnt have a clue and best upbringing would be that. i think i might need to talk to him today cause hes being registered tomorrow but if i said to him i dont wana put him on i think itll cause troublr specially with his mum :\ .. but i know he wouldnt take him away from me or abroad cause hes never been before and dont think hes going to he only goes holidays in the UK .. but i am iffy of leaving mason with him but thats because id feel lost as i look after him mainly he only sees him on weekend. if im honest id rather not have him on seen as hes done nothing for him or even helped me :\ but i know its only fair to put him on it for masons sake :\

 

[suzanne108]

You know you can add him at a later date? But you can't remove him...

So you could leave his name off until he proves himself to be a good dad??

And if something happened to you Mason wouldn't necessarily go to FOB just because he's on the BC.

It is a really difficult decision. xxx

 

[Becyboo__x]

I just havent saw the dad side to him i was going to let him have him saturday for abit and pick him up later but im thinking twice now but i dont want him coming over to mine all the time its just so awkard and my mum thinks im settin wrong signals cause he still wants me back but i dont want it and he needs to understand even if its harsh im sick of telling him :\. i think he thinks cause weve got mason its all guna be happy families but its not :\. Im thinking of leaving him off and what youve said if he does prove stuff then he can go on it but how long do they let you leave it for? and if like say i go abroad or anything like that do i have to get his permission to take mason or is it only if he goes places he has to off me? and then if i said no i didnt want him to is that it or can he still?

sorry about all the questions i just wana know as much as possible so i dont do the wrong thing.
x

 

[purpledahlia]

you would have to get his permission to take Mason if mason was due to see his dad on a day that you would be away, and if its for longer than 2 weeks. But from your previous posts he doesnt seem malicious. I dont think he would stoip you going on holiday nor do i think he would use his rights to controll you. Ava's dad isnt on her BC he hasnt seen me since i was 8 weeks preg, hes lied to me over and over and shes 2 months old now and has he done a single thing? no. But altho your Ex hasnt done anything either i think with him it will come in time as he gets older.you might have to guide him. Hes 18 right? Ava's dad is 27 now so you can see its a bit different. I think he sounds decent enough altho not grown up yet,( hes a dad now so he has to, remind him!) if you trust him then you should put him on. And if you didnt and then wanted to add him you can do it at any time, theres no time limit!

 

[Becyboo__x]

Thankyou
i needed all this advice

Iv decided to not put him on it this is final iv told him why i dont think its a good idea explained everything and hes agreed which i was shocked with.. but he cant support him or anything and i said when he gets a proper job and can do it then we will sort it out at a later date, he can still see him obviously i wouldnt take that away from him and he knows hes his dad so thats all that matters right now i think. He does need to grow up alot and i spose he needs time to get over me which maybe harsh but i cant take it him being all soppy around me and wanting to hug me i just dont want it all but as much as i tell him were just friends now he cant seem to take it in hoepfully he will soon though so its not as awkard.

 

[purpledahlia]

Hope it works out for you!

 

[DizzyMoo]

Neither of my sons have their " sperm donors " on the Bc's, I was with joshs dad at the time & i wanted him to be on it but he didnt want to as he was thinking they would start csa & take money off him. I was upset by this as he had an older daughter & wanted to do everything for her & buy her what she needed but when it came to josh he didnt wanna know, didnt buy nothing didnt look after him or anything. We split pretty soon after & now im soooooo glad hes not on the birth cert, just because he is his dad does not mean he should go on. I dont see a point in putting somebody on who either isnt around or is a complete arse wipe when it comes to their own child.

Jaxs dad isnt on the birth cert as he denied paternity & doesnt want anything to do with jax & as yet still hasnt text or asked about him or anything so hell to the no was i putting him on the birth cert! What just so jax knows who he is? Rubbish, I'll tell him myself & it'll be proved with dna too. I dont need no piece of paper to tell my son who fathered him.