Birth disappointment? How did you deal with people's reactions?

[Lizzybee]

I feel exactly the same. I spent my entire pregnancy looking forward to giving birth (I'd planned a water birth) and I was so excited to push my baby out. I had an emergency c-section because of failure to progress (and my baby was in an awkward position) and even though it was a year ago it still upsets me every time I think about it.

I feel like a failure, and when ever I hear people going on about how amazing their natural birth was it really hurts me. They think I took the easy way out, and it absolutely wasn't easy at all

Feeling you. I think we all need to give each other an amazing online/virtual hug as in one way or another we are saying and feeling the same things.

 

[Lizzybee]

Capricorn1 I'm amazed at your Mother's comment! At the end of all this we are all relived that our babies are healthy. Talking about it to others that understand has really helped me. Thankyou

 

[capricorn1]

yeah my family is a bit odd - DH calls me the black sheep
and as you said at the end of the day we have our beautiful babies

xxx

 

[caz_hills]

I had an emergency c section after 36 hours of labour and pushing for two hours. I was gutted but felt relieved that my son came out healthy as I now know there was meconium in the waters and I nearly heameraged so we were both at risk. But I did feel cheated. I'd gone so far and wanted to don't naturally - although with an epidural and when I tell people I had a c section they say 'oh did you chose to' and I know I'm justifying things and I go into detail explaining why and what happened.

So I found it hard as I'd coped well I thought with labour, gone so far and felt cheated at the end with having an EMergency c section x

 

[caz_hills]

Oh I forgot to say that it now seems like everyone I know gave birth naturally with no drugs and I'm the only one who had a c section - it makes me feel inadequate that I have the drugs and had a c section

 

[Joeyzgirl]

Frankly the thought of having a "normal" birth scares me
I had an emergency section with DD1 and a planned section with DD2. I tried to go VBAC with DD2 but I grew impatient when I wasn't dialating and my dr. worried she would get too big. So we went for the C-section. In the end, besides a longer recovery, I've come to realize it's the same thing, you get to the same goal, which is seeing your beautiful baby after having the healthiest birth possible for both of you. That disapointment fades the second they are in your arms.

 

[sue_88]

I didn't have a c-section, but I hope you don't mind me coming in.

You are so well within your rights to be disappointed / upset with you birth / potential birth.

I'd planned a drug free, calm serene home birth, in the end. I was induced, continuously monitored, on my back and numb from an epi. I'm still devastated 10months later, and I don't feel the emotional pain going away soon. I've never told anyone about it because everyone wanted me to have her in hospital anyway (what about my wishes )

But just wanted to say it's ok to be upset, disappointed and frankly down in the dumps, we go through a lot to have a baby and it goes without saying everyone wants a healthy baby (such a non statement, right?), but we plan and we think and if our plans and birth dreams change it's bound to get to us. But hugs

Best of luck for your delivery and your recovery. Cuddle that newborn tightly (I've rambled )

 

[HannahGraceee]

I had another c-section after attempting a vbac and am still completely devastated now I can't try again it seems like I've lost my chance, I can't stop thinking about it! x

 

[MorghanW]

I chose to have an elective c-section with my son because I have a spinal injury and was very worried about having to heal from tears while sitting all the time. In the end, he was huge, breech and needed a c-section anyway.

I know it's hard, but you just have to ignore some people. Even one of the docs at my ob practice was giving me crap about my c-section before we found out he was breech. My son is 16 months and perfectly healthy and loves hugging and loving on mommy. We're both healthy, and that's all that matters to me.

 

[MrsGax]

I just had a c section with my son and I have been having a very difficult time with it. I feel like it negatively affected our bonding in the beginning, but we are coming around now. I would just look at him and be like... "is this really my baby?" I am getting better now and accepting the section, but it still sucks. I had PIH and labored for 24 hours after being induced before it ended in a c sec. And we had to make the choice, which was even more difficult, but I had been on pitocin for more than 24 hours and my son did not come down the birth canal all the way, he was sunny side up, and extremely cone headed when he was first born. The dr said he would not fit through my pelvis, and I believe that his posterior position had a lot to do with that. During my c section, I hemorrhaged and they even gave me 2 full bags of pitocin but my body was not responding to it having been on it for 24 hours. So if I would have stayed on the pit for longer, our situation would have been MUCH worse. But it is still hard to come to terms with it.

Plus, my epidural did not work, so they removed it and gave me a spinal block and seriously, I had the worse experience of my entire life on that. I was dizzy, vomiting, spinning, felt like I could not breathe, etc. It was awful. Then, the spinal wore off and I could feel everything from them stitching me up/trying to control the bleeding. Just awful experience overall.

 

[Citrine]

Do moms with babies in nicu units for months on end worry about stuff like natural water births and disappointments? No they wish they were at home with their healthy baby. Focus on the good! Ignore anyone who thinks they more of a woman for having a vag birth. They are probably just jealous that their vag will never be the same.

 

[Foogirl]

Do moms with babies in nicu units for months on end worry about stuff like natural water births and disappointments? No they wish they were at home with their healthy baby. Focus on the good! Ignore anyone who thinks they more of a woman for having a vag birth. They are probably just jealous that their vag will never be the same.

Yeah, actually we do. It is one of the many things cruelly snatched away from us. Sure we are happy in the end that our babies are thriving and safe, but the hurt of never having experienced something is actually magnified because it is a part of everything else that is unfair about premature birth. I never got to hear whether my baby cried when she was born. Nor did I get to share that moment with my OH where we became parents for the first time. I will never get that chance now and I promise you, THAT is the one thing guaranteed to make me cry 5 years on, despite how hard it was to go through NNICU.

I would also never seek to make someone else feel that their worries and woes are worth nothing, just because others had it worse. For some people, these kinds of disappointments are a real issue. A person's problems are real to them. Somebody being worse off doesn't make their issues any less valid. If that were the case then pretty much everyone should just get on with it and never worry about anything because across the world there are people who really are worse off than us.

 

[Lizzybee]

Hey ladies, not to be rude but we seem to have drifted from the initial post and started on whether or not we should be disappointed.
We can't help the way we feel, regardless of the situation but the thread was about "how to deal with it".
So let's help the OP deal with it.

Please don't take offence to my post, I don't want to upset anyone and I'm sure none of the pp's did either.

 

[Foogirl]

Hey ladies, not to be rude but we seem to have drifted from the initial post and started on whether or not we should be disappointed.
We can't help the way we feel, regardless of the situation but the thread was about "how to deal with it".
So let's help the OP deal with it.

Please don't take offence to my post, I don't want to upset anyone and I'm sure none of the pp's did either.

Quite right.

 

[justmeinlove]

Does your local hospital have a listening service? Mine was invaluable

 

[LizzieJane]

I just had a c section with my son and I have been having a very difficult time with it. I feel like it negatively affected our bonding in the beginning, but we are coming around now. I would just look at him and be like... "is this really my baby?" I am getting better now and accepting the section, but it still sucks. I had PIH and labored for 24 hours after being induced before it ended in a c sec. And we had to make the choice, which was even more difficult, but I had been on pitocin for more than 24 hours and my son did not come down the birth canal all the way, he was sunny side up, and extremely cone headed when he was first born. The dr said he would not fit through my pelvis, and I believe that his posterior position had a lot to do with that. During my c section, I hemorrhaged and they even gave me 2 full bags of pitocin but my body was not responding to it having been on it for 24 hours. So if I would have stayed on the pit for longer, our situation would have been MUCH worse. But it is still hard to come to terms with it.

Plus, my epidural did not work, so they removed it and gave me a spinal block and seriously, I had the worse experience of my entire life on that. I was dizzy, vomiting, spinning, felt like I could not breathe, etc. It was awful. Then, the spinal wore off and I could feel everything from them stitching me up/trying to control the bleeding. Just awful experience overall.

I didn't even know there was a c-section part of BnB! Wish I had known about this a year ago!

I am so sorry at all the sadness on this thread I was devasted after my emcs and it really hindered my bonding with DD. It took a long time but I think I have made peace with myself now.

MrsGax - I have never heard of this happening to anyone else?! My epi went wrong in surgery, they spinal blocked me but when it wore off I felt everything I can't remember a lot except pain! Which means I don't remember a lot full stop which is gutting.

 

[HannahGraceee]

Mrs gax my epidural failed 4 times! It was like a blood bath, then they failed to put my spinal in 3 times it was horrendous not a good experience so I know how you feel