bit of advice needed....

[Emma1980]

A bit of background...

Me and Michael (FOB) never really had a relationship... we worked in the same pub and one night just ended up together, we were seeing one another after that, but it was never anything serious, more than anything we were really good mates... about 5 weeks after we'd started something i found out i was pregnant - i was on the pill - i never missed one, but i was also undergoing treatment for cancerous cells, i many a time discussed the situation with Michael, i was stressed about it, though i didnt want children yet, i knew i wanted them, one day... and i had it in my head that this treatment, if a bad outcome, would mean that i probably would never have children...

So after finding out i was pregnant, and had been pregnant through some procedures and was still pregnant, i made the decision that it was meant to be, Michael didnt really agree, he already had 3 children, he was straight from the start and told me that he couldnt promise that we could make this work, but he was willing to try.

So that we did, but it really changed our "relationship" i just knew from there that he wasnt happy and when i was 12 weeks pregnant he ended it - i was expecting it and wasnt really that bothered to be quite honest.

throughout my pregnancy he did anything i needed, took me anywhere i needed to go, i said the word, he did it, until i left work... then because he didnt see me every day, i didnt really hear from him, he really disappointed me to be honest and the few times that i did see him in the last few weeks i just blanked him, for fear of, well... punching him in the face, lol...

I was still peeved when Finley was born and i didnt tell him til the day after, in fact, i didnt tell him, i let word of mouth tell him, i got a text as soon as he found out saying he had heard and he hoped we were both well, then got a message off a mutual friend of ours saying that his phone had died so if i had replied he wasnt being ignorant - well i hadnt replied.... didnt care...

the next day he called me and wanted to see Finley, i broke down cos it was like he could walk back in, just like that? i was incredibly emotional tho, cant really remember what was going thru my head

sorry, really going on here... anyway. since then hes been really good, comes round about 3 or 4 times a week, has looked after him a few times so i could get out for a few hours, done anything ive asked of him - and weve been getting on great... its like having my best friend back and i've really missed him...

so... he lives at the pub we worked at, he hates it, has for a long while, but theres not much around to rent at the minute in his price range, though one landlord has told him hes got stuff coming up perfect for him in the next couple of months...

he wants out now and its really getting him down, hes fell out with the people at the pub cos theyre all arseholes (which they are!) and he wants to be able to take his children into his "home"

I have a spare room, just sitting there with my junk in - i mentioned it half jokingly, til he found somewhere else and he jumped on it - so i told him i'd think about it

he'd pay me rent - obviously, which would come in handy - he'd see more of Fin and he'd be able to help more with him, i'd be able to get a few more breaks cos lets face it, being a single mum is damn hard work!

- what would you do?

 

[JoJo16]

hey i just wanted to say finley is absolutely gorgeous!

if your both getting on and want him to be around more for him then him moving in wouldnt be a bad idea but its totally up to you. me and fob really dont get on atall so i dont no how it would work for you. sorry im not much help xx

 

[Emma1980]

see thats what im thinking, but i just dont want to spoil where were at now.. *sigh*

thanks for reading my waffle hun lol x

 

[Linz88]

maybe him moving in and yu two being around eachuva alllll the time could spoil the great relationship you seem to have x

 

[suzanne108]

Hiya I'm not gonna be much help either sorry didn't want to read and run.

Do you want him there? Or because you said it and he's maybe pinned his hopes on it...are you now feeling like you have to? I have to say that my initial reaction was that its a bad idea but I don't know why....which yes is totally useless of me I know...it is 3am thats my excuse!!!

I don't think its a totally bad idea cos he doesn't sound like a complete idiot. Maybe if you do decide to do it you would have to give him a time limit. There is always the risk he could really outstay his welcome and you don't want him there wholst Finley is too aware...it could cause confusion if he only moved back out again at 6 months?

Maybe it'd make you two get back together??

If I was in your situation I wouldnt do it unless you could realy do with the money...but I'm not you

 

[Emma1980]

I want the help, i dont know if i want him there...

he came round this morning sayin he had his cards read last night and he thought if funny that he was gonna reconcile with an ex and have two more children

he found it funny because i want to see a psychic last week who told me to watch this space with a guy called Michael - neither of us are acknowledging what they are saying really and i automatically said another exes name to him for his... i dont know if im acting dumb or i'm trying to convince him its not me, lol

i dont know, i'm so frickin confused lol...

i'm not bound to it, he knows that i only said it and didnt think it thru, but 70% of me is telling me its a good idea... i dont really need the money, but i thought i could put whatever he gives me into Fins account

I dont think it would make us get back together, i'm not against it, but i'm not for it, i'm really sitting on the fence on this one, i know him so well and i know he cant hold down a relationship and he cant be faithful, so because i know this, i know it will never work, i'd never allow myself to fall for him... so wheres the point in trying? then ya get all that shit that says "live for the moment" "live for today cos tomorrow never comes" "lifes to short"
ARGH!

 

[Janidog]

Sounds like it would work, but you will need to sit down and talk about the what ifs i.e if the FOB did meet someone else while you two are living together. It would be nice if it pushes you together again

 

[Emma1980]

he's with someone now, but doesnt want to be, hes tried ending it in stupid ways (CHEATING!) and she said she forgives him, shes besotted, he couldnt care less

shes a nice girl actually and i get on with her, i doubt he'd have her staying here anyway cos he wants somewhere he can go to get away from people, he can always stay with her if he wants to...

I wouldnt mind if she stayed but i would mind him bringing random people back - but i dont think he would do that, not with Finley here

 

[Jetters]

Hi, what a tricky situation!! I think i'd probably go for it, BUT, i'd set rules... like no girls back, and be careful to keep boundaries up so you didn't end up sleeping together or anything (could happen!).. Also maybe say a 3 month trial? And if you aren't comfortable at the end then he leaves no hard feelings?

Good luck whatever you decide xx

 

[JayDee]

I would also think about how much he would be there... I know it'd be nice for him to help out with Fin but if he's there 24/7 (i.e. doesn't really go out) I bet it won't be long till you're doing each others heads in.

I agree with Jetters, you'd have to set some rules about who he can bring back (just cos he's not that into his current girl doesn't mean he won't meet another one that he thinks is the love of his life) and when, if he's going to come in late from working at the pub/a night out making him realise he needs to be quiet/not try to play with Fin if he's drunk etc, basically anything that might lead to an argument.

Lastly, it's a spare room for now but will it be Fin's room soon? You'll have to explain that it's def only temporary if that's what you want.

Good luck whatever you decide

 

[xJG30]

I'd be very wary of letting him move in personally but if you get on well, its gotta be your choice.

 

[Emma1980]

I would also think about how much he would be there... I know it'd be nice for him to help out with Fin but if he's there 24/7 (i.e. doesn't really go out) I bet it won't be long till you're doing each others heads in.

I agree with Jetters, you'd have to set some rules about who he can bring back (just cos he's not that into his current girl doesn't mean he won't meet another one that he thinks is the love of his life) and when, if he's going to come in late from working at the pub/a night out making him realise he needs to be quiet/not try to play with Fin if he's drunk etc, basically anything that might lead to an argument.

Lastly, it's a spare room for now but will it be Fin's room soon? You'll have to explain that it's def only temporary if that's what you want.

Good luck whatever you decide

he works alternate shifts of 6-2 and 2-10 so every other week it will be like hes hardly there on the 2-10 shift, and i still get the place to myself in the day time - he only works day shifts at the pub on a saturday now, so no coming in late

completely agree on the having to talk about future gf's - will definitely do that!

No its not fins room, fins room is done and decorated and not a spare one - i have another room thats just full of my junk! so cant really use that excuse haha!

 

[Emma1980]

I'd be very wary of letting him move in personally but if you get on well, its gotta be your choice.

yea i'm really wary - the good outweighs the bad so far...

gonna speak to a mutual friend about it today, she wont hold back on the shit lol... and she knows us both so....

unless she comes up with something i think im gonna agree to it, but set in stone that its just til he finds somewhere and hes not to have random people coming here

 

[xJG30]

Just be careful that he doesn't try it on etc. If you want it to work properly without a relationship kind of thing.

 

[Emma1980]

Ok made my decision, donna do it, spoke to my best friend today and she thinks its a great idea, said she'd be doing the same with her ex if she could but she just doesnt have the friendship that we have and says she cant see it not working! so gonna take the chance but definitely gonna do ground rules of no random women coming back and ensure he knows its JUST til he finds somewhere suitable...

spose i better start clearing my junk out! lol

thanks for all your help! will let ya know how it goes, lol