Bit upset

[Essie]

Hubby and I had a long talk about when we wanted to start ttc and I thought we had decided to try next year, sometime around May/June. But tonight he announced that he doesn't feel we're going to be financially ready by then. I do understand where he's coming from and I can see his reasoning. It's just upset me a bit because I was so happy when he said he wanted to start trying next year. I even started taking prenatal supplements today. I thought we were on the same page with this but it seems like every time we talk about it he changes his mind about it. And now he thinks we should save up and buy a house first and wait maybe 3 years. I don't know what to think really.

 

[goddess25]

Aw hun not much I can say really sorry and big hugs to you. I hope he comes round and brings your date forward.

 

[princess_bump]

so sorry to hear this xx

 

[kintenda]

Sorry to hear this hon. I'm sure he's just trying to do the 'right' thing but it's not much comfort when plans are already laid out, I know! I hope things resolve themselves soon. x

 

[lovehearts]

I know what u mean - whenever i seem to bring the subject up it changes. When we decided on may i just havnt mentioned it since Good luck - i hope the date can come forward x

 

[Kess]

Aw I know this is frustrating. Is this just an excuse because he doesn't feel ready, or is he actually worried about finances? If it's the former, you just have to give him time, but if it's the latter, try actually working out how much it would cost for the first three years of the baby's life. It can be very little if you want it to be - reusable nappies, breastfeeding, a sling instead of a pushchair/pram, and second-hand clothes are all ways of making it cheap. Men tend to feel like the providers of the family, even when it's a joint thing they feel like it's their primary responsibility, so they worry. Countering them with facts and figures can help them not think you're just being emotional and irrational.

 

[Blob]

Awww hun I totally know what you're feeling my OH announced lets TTC now...by THAT night he had changed his mind Men totally worry that they cant 'provide' well enough to have a baby. Really hope he changes his mind.

 

[kintenda]

P.S. I also meant to mention that it would be worth continuing to take your prenatals, simply because he might come around again a lot sooner than you think. I agree with Blob though, I reckon part of it is a 'provider' instinct that kicks up in all men! Don't lose heart honey! xx

 

[Essie]

Thank you for all your replies.

Well we had another talk and he explained that he's scared he won't be able to provide for a child. His childhood was horrible and he said he never wants to be in the position that he can't afford to feed his child. After he explained that I can see a lot more why he wants to wait. I finish uni in March so he said wait until then when I start my job and we'll talk about it then. I still don't have a positive date but feeling a lot better about it now.