Blackmail to transfer post birth from home to hospital

[cranberry987]

I am diabetic and planning a home birth. The hospital have been entirely unhappy with this because of the issue of monitoring baby post birth. I have done a lot of research into this and am confident of the safety of our choice, I would be sticking with it if i could find an IM to take me/who was free.

Ive just received a letter stating that the nhs mw will advise me to transfer to hospital after the birth as is policy (whether baby is unwell or not). If I refuse to transfer based on their advise then they will obtain an emergency protection order and take the baby. I have made it clear that I will always transfer if there is any slight medical need at all.

Even if they dont actually do this its going to be playing on my mind and will cause levels of stress during the remainder of my pregnancy and definitely during labour and first breastfeeds.

Im far too pregnant to fight this, I have to think about the stress levels and what I hope to get from it. I will be making a massive fuss afterwards and complaining to everyone, but for now I feel like I have to make the best of a shit situation. I feel happy(er) about doing it this way as at least then I get to do it on my terms.

We have therefore pretty much decided to meet half way and birth at home but transfer post birth for monitoring of baby. What things would you ask for in an ideal world?

So far on the list of demands (obviously these go out the window if theres a medical need otherwise) I have:-
Skin to skin and first feed or two at home (depending on when he wants to feed)
Transfer in calm/unrushed manner allowing me time to shower eat and get cleaned up/ready.
Transfer in an ambulance car not a van with flashing lights (dunno if theyll agree to this).
Guaranteed private room - a friend was in one at the same hospital and got kicked out for someone else who had greater need, I feel crap about kicking someone out but why cant the same happen for me.
Husband to stay with us in said private room
Wide obese persons bed so we can cosleep - rly dont want him in a plastic box cot thing.

And I want to know EXACTLY what basic monitoring they will be doing if baby is well, where this happens, how, what targets will they look for and how long will they require us to stay, can we go out for lunch or a walk or something in between tests (I think they test his sugar levels every 4 hrs).

I'll be making it clear that this is going against my informed preferences and (as per usual, unless theres a medical need) do not expect to be pressured to alter further once this has been agreed.

If they then try and take a mile after Ive given an inch then I go right back to my original position and tell them to stop taking the piss.

Can you think of anything else at all you would ask for to make a hospital stay nicer. Anything and everything. I reckon that if I ask for the moon then they can refuse some of the unimportant things and they wont feel like theyre totally giving into me.

Theyre going to force this anyway and I dont see it as giving in so much as accepting that theyre total dickheads and making the best of it.

 

[Celesse]

Have you had any legal advice with regards the EPO? It's up to the Judge to decide whether it is granted, not Social Services and not the Hospital. I would take this threat seriously as having a child removed from your care could lead to a lot of future social services involvement.

I changed my plans from a HBAC to a hospital VBAC. Not because I thought it was safer to do so, but because I did not have the adequate support to allow me to labour stress free. My thinking was that although in an ideal world I would want to give birth at home, this isn't the ideal world and to make the experience as positive as possible changing my plans was the right thing to do. (Not suggesting you have a need to give birth in hospital).

What I did do to make myself feel more in control was to shop around and find a different hospital. So I've changed to a hospital where I feel more comfortable and more confident in thier ability to oblige my wishes. Most importantly this was a new hospital where I had not had any of the fight. No bad consultant appointments, no tellings off, a clean slate if you like. So even though I'm following the recommendations of the first hospital I am not doing it in thier hospital, which makes me feel better and ultimately more in control.

 

[cranberry987]

A solicitor and a sw have said that it's v unlikely this would go anywhere but like you say it's the stress hanging over everything. They have stated that they're going to tell me to transfer and I'll be afraid to refuse. even if they don't say a thing the possibility of them saying that will affect my last few weeks and the birth. If I don't plan for transfer when I know it's most likely going to happen anyway I'll end up on a 16 bed ward traumatised.

I have looked at the other hospital in the area and its transitional ward where I would go if baby was healthy has private rooms. Turns out the trans ward at my hospital is a 16 bed ward. Private rooms are for normal postnatal. I'll asked if I can either use normal postnatal private room and have dh+doula stay past visiting hours, or transfer care to other hospital for postnatal care in a private room.

I think it's a bit late to transfer fully - would cause as much stress as it solved, but hopefully they'll do my antenatal at original then postnatal at the other.

Might sound really stupid and petty but private room (ie our own space), family not split up, support from a trusted source on bf and cosleeping are real tipping points for me.

I've looked at the care pathway which would apply and I'm happy with the actual interventions they would use (basically the same as at home but tested with a more accurate machine).

I'm resigned to transferring. I can't fight it without a huge amount of stress and upset and there's just no time. If I don't fight it and just see how things go then I'll end up transferring anyway and will have the worst of both worlds. Just trying to make the best of this shit.

Maybe I should demand cake. Also the hoff is at the local theatre, will ask for him to come entertain me. Seriously tho. If they're not going to meet me halfway then I'll probably just take my chances. May as well have a chance of staying at home rather than agree to transfer to a ward and an environment which will affect us so much.

 

[chuck]

I would peruse this though. By the very act of sending the letter they are harrassing you and placing you and your unborn child in a position of high stress and forcing you to make decisions against your will.

Whether do it now or after you cannot let this drop.

I agree that you have to do what is best by you and baby but you know what is best and have planned for it.

You may be reducing your stress levels by agreeing to go in but as you said the threatening letter is still there.

I am fucking livid for you hun.

 

[cranberry987]

Yesterday after lunch my blood sugar was quite normal. I didn't eat anything all afternoon so it should have been merrily dropping ready for dinner time. after I got thisletter i started shaking all over, I checked my sugar and it was borderline high. I hadn't eaten anything. It was a stress reaction

I haven't checked my bp but I'm sure it's through the roof. I wont be dropping this issue but I just can't fight it at the moment.

 

[chuck]

Exactly they are putting you in a position of high physical emotional and mental stress.

I would get back to your legal advice and PALS getting documented the reaction caused by this harrassment.

 

[Mervs Mum]

Get in touch with AIMS URGENTLY.

https://www.aims.org.uk/


Email [email protected] and [email protected]

 

[cranberry987]

I have and theyve written a great letter to the chief exec which will be great for a complaint afterwards. Thing is the criteria for referring me to children's services is that they have concerns (albeit based on bullshit). It's also policy that babies of diabetic mothers need to be monitored for 24 hrs. So it's easy for them to say I'm not acting in the best interests of the baby. It wouldn't ever go anywhere if an actual social worker got involved but that's not really the point. First hours after birth are important and I don't want to spend them anxious and fighting.

I'll email aims with an update about this recent letter but I'm 38w pregnant now so time just isn't on our side.

 

[chuck]

What is on your side is that you aren't refusing to have baby monitored!

You have at every point tried to gain ad much info as possible and tr resources to monitor your own baby in your own home - the Nhs for the most part have been fairly obstructive in this by not giving you the info you need.

 

[Narie]

Cranberry I cant believe how terribly you are being treated .

 

[cranberry987]

Thanks. So, an update...

Weve decided to transfer. Theyve basically made it impossible for us to have a lovely post birth experience at home as a family with no stress and lovely s2s then get tucked up in bed. Its going to be the mw telling us to transfer because of policy, we (mostly me) will argue about it, theyll probably go away and we will worry that theyll come back with social services. Im sure it wouldnt come to that but its just never going to turn out how we wanted now All the stress this was causing was just going to mean that I would end up needing interventions, my sugars were randomly rising, god knows what my bp was like, and baby obv wasnt happy about it all.

So we're transferring post birth into the transitional ward. Theyve agreed that DH can stay with us 24/7 which pretty much guarantees us a private room. We will take our time and no need to rush in, they want to test baby at 4 hrs, so probably leave about 3 hrs post birth or so without flashing blue lights. My doula can come with us to settle us in initially (but isnt allowed to stay outside visiting hours otherwise, sigh). So we'll have the nice post birth glow, will stay together as a family, most likely in private and at 24 hrs (or after breakfast probably ^^), if hes been stable, I am out of there whether Ive been discharged or not. People leave hospital with babies who are actually ill, like too small or whatever, and they do nothing to stop them (someone at my nct was next to a girl who had a 5lb baby at 40w as she smoked, they just said well we dont advise it but...., she just wanted to get home so she could smoke indoors) so im not sitting around for hours with a healthy baby just waiting for them to do the paperwork.

They wont do anything different in hospital apart from test using a different machine, the rest is, all being well, just feeding him. My colostrum is going great guns already - have expressed 30 mls which is the most the diabetic mw has ever seen at 38w ^^ so have a nice store, and Im confident that Ill be able to feed him well. Looking into the local milk bank just in case as if he has a hypo they say he needs 30 ml of colostrum/formula. Ive got enough for that now but if he has two then theyd want to use formula which is a waste of time as it undoes the good work of the colostrum re sugar levels.

anyway, getting a bit rambly. Did a tour yday and it wasnt as bad as i expected but it def isnt somewhere I would choose. Gotta think about how we want things to happen tho and at this point a compromise is the only way.

One good thing is that Im determined to birth at home now, or do my bloody best to make it happen. Obv there are some things which you cant control but my focus is now on relaxing, getting back into the headspace that I need for a calm safe birth and just generally letting my body calm down from the fight I had recently. Kinda a very agressive plan to relax iykwim

My doula does shiatsu and I had a session yday, she said that my gallbladder line was all grrrr ready for a fight, not surprising really. Baby went transverse monday as a protest about all of this. He turned the next day after an evening of calm and comedy (and a glass of wine).

So its fine. We have a plan and after the birth I will make a massive complaint. Its not right how this has happened but Ive accepted it. I had a think about what was important to me the main things are a safe birth (which for me happens at home away from over zealous medics) and staying together as a family. This way we get both.