BLW - how do you get over 'the fear'

[JessesGirl29]

I need some help.

I found I was too fearful to do BLW off the bat so we started my son off at 5 1/2 months with Dr.'s permission on baby rice cereal and slowly added in mushed up real food (bananas, sweet potatoe, avocado). The possibility of choking scares me and I liked the reassurance that he was 'learning' how to move food in his mouth, swallow ect.' I slowly increased the chunkiness and he did so well I found myself back at BLW at six months.

He actually does amazing, I cut most food in to 'spears' and he is getting really really good at eating. He'll actually consume an apple piece, cucumber spear, chicken....

I find myself still riddled with anxiety about him choking. I sit beside him and watch so closely and make him pull the food out constantly to make sure he's not getting too big a chunk. If he starts to cough or gag I'm instantly panicking and have used my pinky several times to fish out bigger pieces. New foods make my anxious, slippery food make me anxious (he loved these half circle tortellini but pasta seems so sloppy I was panicking about a big chunk sliding down).

I feel like I'm slowing him down and every meal time is really anxiety provoking for me, I envision him stopping breathing and me not being able to fix it.

Did everyone get this? Am I nuts or high strung? How did you walk yourself past the year of your baby choking and dying while you tried to save him (I know, intense, but my fear is that strong). Does it get better?

OH gave him a piece of lettuce at a restaurant tonight and he bit off a huge piece and started gagging and I just about lost my mind screaming in the restaurant "He's choking!!!!! Help him!!!!!"

 

[erinprime]

I found it tough at first. I educated myself on what to do if she actually did choke and that made me feel a lot better. Mostly it just took time to learn to trust that she is capable of handling most things on her own. I know it sounds horrible, but don't rush in straight away to fish things out of your baby's mouth. Give them a chance to get it out on their own and you will be surprised (also I have read that it is actually more dangerous for you to try and remove food with your finger because you can inadvertently push things farther down).

Pretty quickly your baby will gag less and less and you will become much more comfortable with the whole thing.

 

[Popples1]

My LO won't be spoon fed so I'm a slightly reluctant BLW-er although I'm actually really enjoying it. I alleviate my worry by mushing/chopping some foods (or give him small foods) so I feel it's more manageable and just leave them on his tray to pick up, things like..

Mashed peas
Mashed potato
Mashed avocado
Grated carrot
Grated cheese
Rice with a sauce
Baby pasta with a sauce
Chopped & buttered leeks
Yoghurt (licked from the pot!)
Wheetabix or cornflakes with a little formula

Other things I just cut/break into strips and keep a close eye on him:

Omelette
Toast fingers (if you bake instead of toast they stay crisp longer)
Fruit muffins
Rice cakes
Oaty pancakes

Broccoli, red pepper etc I cook well and let him munch on them. Fruit I quite often just hold up and let him munch on (nectarine, mango etc). I steer clear of banana chunks because they're thick and sticky and I don't think he handles them too well yet.

I also did a baby first aid course which I hope to god I'll never need to put into action but it did help my confidence a bit.

Good luck. Once you relax a bit it's fun!

 

[JessesGirl29]

Thanks ladies, I'm just curious.....did your LO ever actually choke??

I'm not sure if I'm scared of something that may never happen. I know my infant first aid ect but I still worry it won't work at dislodging the food.

 

[Popples1]

I've only been doing it for a few weeks and the worst we've had are a couple of gagging incidents. The first one was early on and I wasn't 100% sure it was just gagging so I tipped him onto my forearm and did backslaps to help him. Looking back, I think it was just a bad gag. We've had the odd gag/puke situation since but generally I just talk to him to encourage him and let him sort it himself. It IS a bit nerve wracking though!

 

[erinprime]

No choking but a few really scary gagging incidents and once gagging that led to projectile vomiting. I have come close to putting her over my knee and doing back slaps but so far she has worked it out herself every time. That said... the gagging is a learning experience for the babies as much as it is for you. She learned pretty quickly how much food she could handle at once and how to move it around her mouth effectively. At nine months, I can't remember the last time she gagged on anything. Now (with just 2 bottom teeth) she bites off what she can handle for the most part, and if she has a piece of food that is too big in her mouth she spits it out before it ever becomes a problem.

 

[pinklizzy]

It is really hard! LO has gagged quite a few times with different things and I've had to try really hard not to attempt to fish anything out of his mouth but he has dealt with it by himself.
I would say though that when my daughter was weaning and until she was almost 2, she had trouble with eating things like lettuce, it just seemed to get stuck to the roof of her mouth and she would always gag so we just avoided it.

 

[JessesGirl29]

Thank you everyone....

Lizzy I wouldn't have chosen lettuce at all. OH just got a little over excited, it was a salad bar so there were tons of 'spears' of veggies.

It just helps to know I'm not crazy for being worried. I love this little guy so much I never want anything horrible to happen to him. I'm already sure that my biggest challenge as a Mom is going to be to let go a little....

 

[MindUtopia]

I'm probably unusual in that I never had any fear or anxiety about choking at all. We've done BLW from 6 months, never a puree, and my daughter's never choked once (she's 19 months now). For me, it was just about trusting her to know what she needed and to know it was biologically possible to eat normal foods just fine (after all, baby calves or monkeys or horses, etc. don't choke and die on their food). As a scientist, it just made sense to me.

BUT I think if you are worried, equip yourself with the tools to deal with it. Choking does happen. Adults choke on food, everyone potentially can choke on food. So know how to respond effectively if it does happen - not a bad skill to have actually, as you're likely to need it at some point in life, though probably not to help your child, but maybe a diner in a restaurant where you're eating, etc. Read up on baby-led weaning and understand why it works and why it's safer than spoonfeeding. And also, try as much as you can not to be anxious about it all. I know, it's easier said than done, but it really is the best thing for your LO if you can make meals stress-free.

I have friends who did BLW with their daughter, but the dad is super anxious about choking. Literally, he pretty much picked her up my her feet and smacked her on the back during lunch one day because he thought she put a piece of food in her mouth that was too big (she was fine, not even gagging!). As a result, she's the one child in our group of friends whose really picky about food (we all did BLW). She'll only eat things that are beige and flavourless and it's a constant source of stress for them now. I really think dad's anxiety about food and eating put a lot of pressure on her and meal times became stressful and boring because they started to limit what they'd offer her out of fear.

Just sit on your hands, trust in the process and know your LO will know what's right for him - it's good practice, you'll be doing it a lot in the coming years.

 

[pinklizzy]

Thank you everyone....

Lizzy I wouldn't have chosen lettuce at all. OH just got a little over excited, it was a salad bar so there were tons of 'spears' of veggies.

It just helps to know I'm not crazy for being worried. I love this little guy so much I never want anything horrible to happen to him. I'm already sure that my biggest challenge as a Mom is going to be to let go a little....

I'm sorry, I hope you didn't mind me mentioning the lettuce, it was more that I remembered being caught out by the gagging and vomiting when she tried it, after being fine with lots of other veggies.

 

[halullat]

We were told that there was no greater risk of choking with BLW at the weaning talk which helped, here it is actively encouraged. The greatest risk of choking is when babies start off on purees (not that you need to worry about this at all as your baby has transitioned fine!) as puree babies learn to swallow before they learn to chew whereas a baby who does BLW learns to chew before swallowing if that makes sense so are less likely to get the food to the back of their mouths before they are ready. That being said the risk is still very small and and babies do learn to do both at their own pace so no one even needs to worry about that really either!

Watch some CPR videos and do a first aid course so you feel well equipped to deal with an emergency. I would also suggest not taking food out of your LO's mouth as they are brilliant at sorting out the food in their mouths themselves, gagging is also TOTALLY normal and in fact good so try not to worry if they gag, they are just learning to move the food around their mouths successfully.

I totally understand the stress though, I still panic sometimes! I'm sure you'll find it less stressful as time goes on x

 

[JessesGirl29]

Thanks everyone. Almost all of you were incredibly kind and helpful. As mentioned in the first post I do know infant CPR and what to do....I just don't ever want to actually use it.

Feeling more brave now, babes had some stew tonight and gagged a couple times but I stayed cool and trusted that he would be okay.

 

[noon_child]

I found it tough at first. I educated myself on what to do if she actually did choke and that made me feel a lot better. Mostly it just took time to learn to trust that she is capable of handling most things on her own. I know it sounds horrible, but don't rush in straight away to fish things out of your baby's mouth. Give them a chance to get it out on their own and you will be surprised (also I have read that it is actually more dangerous for you to try and remove food with your finger because you can inadvertently push things farther down).

Pretty quickly your baby will gag less and less and you will become much more comfortable with the whole thing.

This!
Being able to recognise what is truly 'choking' and what is just gagging is important along with the skills to administer first aid in the worst case scenario. I also would advise against fishing food out as their mouths are so small a big finger could easily push food further back.

The Gag reflex is really amazing - it shows that your baby's body knows how to prevent itself from choking and I feel it is important for them to learn chewing and swallowing techniques while this life saving gag response is so sensitive. Learn to be friends with the Gag reflex as it really is the opposite to choking.