BULLYING SURVIVORS GROUP - 'we have survived' x

[bumpsmum]

I have seen a few recent posts about members being bullied at one point or another in their lives and truly shocked by how common it is. I thought it might be good to have somewhere safe to come and chat, share experiences or just off load some troubling memories

Im Gillian, and I am a bullied survivor! Primary school was great.........high school was a whole other story!!! I managed to stay low key in first year but from second-sixth (final) year I was terribly torrmented and not just by 1 or a small group of people but almost my entire year and even kids from other years. Everyday was a struggle and any breaks etc were spent with a few close friends who were always picked on 'hiding' in a stairwell. Luch time consisted of hiding out until 10 mins before the bell and grabbing something quick when canteen was empty even then still managed to end up with name calling and getting the odd chip n gravy through at me!

I am very angry and bitter and while I outwardly strive to be the 'bigger person' this has deeply scared me emotionally and psychologically. Since having baby Matthew all my old woes seem to be really affecting me and to be honest Im a right mess! I have PND and a few other issues that I am waiting to see a psychiarist about, even the background meeting with the psychiatric nurse for the referral had me a mess!

No doubt dealing with bullying issues is something I no doubt will finally have to face and im shitting myself - I think tat once I open old wounds Ill just be a heap on the floor and will not be strong enough to pick mysrlf back up. But who knows?.......

Anyway it would be good to chat to other survivors, even if its just to vent, there is no need to share specifics if it is too difficult but just talking to someone who knows what we went through would be very helpful x

 

[Char&Bump-x]

I was bullied in secondary school too. It was two girls in particular, though not together. Totally separate, and both for no reason.

I remember we were doing a science experiment, something to do with electricity, and the teacher asked for a volunteer who hadn't washed their hair that morning. One of the bullies shouted 'Charlotte hasn't, she's probably the best bet cos she hasn't washed AT ALL for 10 years.'

If i was smelly, or dirty i might have understood why she said it, but i wasn't, and i never have been. My whole class exploded with laughter and i just wanted to die.

Another time, the second girl sat in front of me in my religion class, and just randomly stated 'Do you know who i really HATE? That Charlotte Lee, what a skank' and again everybody pissed themselves. My teacher pulled me to the side after and said 'sorry' no punishment, nothing. The day i felt school had completely failed.

So yeah. I survived bullies. Unfortunately i now have a new one, my boyfriends sister. But that's a whole other story..

 

[bumpsmum]

thanks for sharing Charlotte that must have been very difficult it is very easy to fall back into old roles and let your OH sister treat you babdly - be strong and feel free to vent and shout here if it helps xx

 

[aimee-lou]

What a good thread and group!

I'm Aimee and I have been bullied on many occasions throughout my life.

I wont bore you with too many details because this would become the Magna Carta if I'm not careful but I can recall times when I only lasted 4 days in a school after being beaten up by a bunch of girls, being stabbed with a compass, spat at, rugby tacklled to the ground, and even bullied emotionally at work WHILE PREGNANT!!!! I had a thread about it on here: https://www.babyandbump.com/home-life-relationships/131496-out-my-depth.html

It has affected my life, there is no two ways about it. It affected my confidence, my self esteem and if it weren't for people in my life (namely my husband!) I wouldn't have been as strong throughout most of it!

I think people who admit to being bullied but don't let it stop them continuing with their lives, and not letting those cowards win, are the strongest people out there! My hubby has always told me that Bullies are weak individuals, trying to make others feel worse than they feel themselves in an attempt to feel better about themselves. They only respond to strength- something that we are showing by having this group!!!

to everyone!! xx

 

[bumpsmum]

Aimee welcome and im so sorry you had to endure such a tough time I agree people who were buillied are quite strong people later in life I hold too much resentment go and hopefully over time will learn to let this go. I also have low self esteem and body images and my confidence has always been low I always see the negatives in life and am just a sad person in general.

The most hurtful things I endured I must admit was name calling my maiden name was bryce and f**k knows where it came from but I got called 'spicy brycey'????? and it cut to the bone every time im actually shaking typing it. I also got called 'pishey' and a few other names and not just be a select few if I was in say 2nd or 3ed year younger and older ones would just know me by them names and shout them randomly!

I dreaded getting the bus to school and tended to make the 40 min walk each way just to aviod the bus and stay out of folks way, Id only go to the loo when I was totally bursting for fear of being beat up, I never set foot in the common room til 6th year and even then I was on tenderhooks even though most of the idiots who were the worst dropped out as soon as they could! I feel I missed out so much by the time I did my highers (A levels for english schools) I had free periods and half days etc and would hide out or more than likely just go home rather than hang about or take part in groups etc. School trips and disco's were a complete no no, I barely socialised at night in case I bumped into people I knew, or I made sure I stayed out of their way. So yeah Im very bitter now and hopefully seing a psychiatrist will help me put these issues to rest.

I have never utterer half of this stuff out loud It feels good to get it out there, even if no one reads it. I am a bit apprehensive that someone I know will come acrosas this as its an open forum but not sure where else it could go - GS? but then that limits any guys from takng part which would be a shame too x x

 

[aimee-lou]

My goodness - you had such a rough time and I just want to give you lots of hugs!

I was moved around a lot during my childhood (Went to 15 different schools and colleges) so was always the new girl. While I never really got a set of names as such, people just look for an easy target, and who better than that weirdo new girl with the ginger hair and glasses!

I think you do the right thing by talking about it. Holding it means that those people still have some kind of hold over you which can only make things worse in the long run. Please bear in mind that you have survived - that's a major acheivement and should evidence that you are stronger than you think.

 

[Bec L]

Hi girls

Thanks for sharing your stories.

I was bullied at secondary school too, by a group of girls who had been my friends but suddenly decided it was more fun to pick on me, and make my life a misery.

Mostly mine was verbal bullying but the odd time I would end up covered in yoghurt or something if they felt the need. As they had been my best friends they knew lots of personal stuff about me so would regularly tell other people in the class, or write things on the blackboard in the classrooms.

PE was the worst lesson for me becuase I knew I would get the ball thrown at me, and always be last to be picked for all the teams. I would often hide in the toilets and try to skip lessons.

My parents wrote a letter into school - my form teacher read the letter out in front of the whole class. NOT a good idea, things got worse after that.

As I result I ended up with IBS which lasted for years, plus a lot of anxiety/self esteem issues which have had an effect on me ever since.

I hope to god none of our LOs ever have to go through some of the sh*t we've been through

 

[aimee-lou]

BecL - I second your last statement there. I like to think that my experiences mean that I know the signs....the quietness, the lack of confidence, the lack of appetite, the losing weight, the suffering school work and social skills.....all of this I have experienced and I hope to god that I will be able to stop history from repeating itself.

Thanks for sharing and welcome to our group....I think we should get a logo like all the other groups have ....solidarity friends, solidarity!!

 

[bumpsmum]

welcome Bec, pleased you felt you could share your experiences what those girls put you through was awful, a girl I was friendly with I confided in her about health issues and she told everyone so I know how much that hurts.

I too have IBS which is worse when im stressed never really put 2 and 2 together before but thinking back prob was abot then the spasms started.

You mentioning PE reminded me of social dancing which replaced PE at xmas where you had to dance with boys and learn the gay gordons etc every year was awful as no one would pick me, id usually end up dancing with the teacher or a girl, if a boy was 'forced' to dance with me he would be sniggered at and poked fun of for the whole class its actually amazing how much our brains repress this stuff to protect us eh

I was also thinking a wee logo would be good x

 

[Char&Bump-x]

I can make one if you tell me what you want x

 

[aimee-lou]

I can make one if you tell me what you want x

Sounds good....don't know what though (I'm not very good like that lol).

Btw, your little girl is gorgeous!!

 

[bumpsmum]

maybe something similar to the BF ones you see that say survivor in the middle? x

 

[HannahGraceee]

Hiya girls!

I was bullied since year 4 till year 11 getting called fat and ugly - sounds harmless but every day can make life hell! i would have understood if i was actaully ugly! or really fat or just a down right horrible person! but i wasnt!

i still get it sometimes now only via msn or facebook! ( but now i am actually fat !)

x

 

[bumpsmum]

Hannah, name calling hurts a sh*t load more than a punch xx

 

[Foogirl]

Bullying is such a terrible thing. My big sister was bullied for a couple of years in high school. The girls made her life hell and gave her self confidence such a knock, she still has issues with it today.

Of course now they are all getting in touch on facebook and being so bloody nice to her. It's all I can do not to tell them where to stick it. But she has decided to be the bigger person and just play it cool with them.

When I was in first year at high school, I was accused of bullying someone, along with one of my friends. I was absolutely mortified. There was one girl in our class who everyone made fun of. I would never make any comments about her, but I did laugh along with those who did - which I know is so wrong. Why she decided to single us out for a complaint, I will never know. I was kind of glad she did because it made me think about how this was affecting her and I then made an effort to stick up for her when the others were having a go, and I stopped laughing along with the class. I even went and sat next to her in a couple of classes and tried to be friendly. Unfortunately she decided I was still the work of the devil and a few years later, when she had left school, there was an incident with her younger sister ( which we had absolutley nothing to do with) and she came to the school and physically picked a fight with my friend and I. She just jumped us and thumped my mate really badly whilst I tried to break it up. I guess this kind of behaviour shows just how bullying can affect someone for years. The school wanted to call the police and have her arrested but we talked them out of it.

I never had to deal with any kind of bullying myself and I am just amazed how you ladies have survived it so well.

 

[Joyzerelly]

I too was bullied at school, from the very beginning to the very end, and a bit into adulthood at work until I decided to finally put my foot down. I will never be bullied again. I just won't take any crap from anybody.
My experiences at school have made me want to home school my child, but I understand that their are pros to a child attending a school, interaction with other children etc. The other thing is that I do want a career too. I thought maybe I could find a home schooling group as a compromise... but I can't imagine anything worse than my baby having his or her childhood ruined by bullies.

 

[Foogirl]

but I can't imagine anything worse than my baby having his or her childhood ruined by bullies.

At least having been through it yourself, you'll be more aware of the early signs if it does happen and be able to deal with it at the outset. And now that you have found the strength to refuse to let it happen to you, you will pass that on to her.

 

[jamielou]

This is a great idea for a group we should all be proud to be survivors of bullying! Big hugs to everyone reading all these stories brought a tear to my eye as it has reminded me of when i did plus I've recently had more bullying tactics from girls on this forum which has upset me.

I got badly bullied at school from secondary school year 7, got called ugly, spotty every single day, vampire because my teeth were high, boys would grab my boobs because they were quite big, had my books thrown in puddles, girls pulling my skirt up in front of the class...my worst one was when we'd been swimming and i was changing and two girls stood over the edge and basically just mocked me watching me change.

Tried changing schools but had the same, probably a bit worse the commenting on my figure was awful and it was a bad school to one lesson i had some boy sit in front of me completely insulting me for the fourty minutes and i walked out before the lesson finished and the teacher never said a thing. Really stung and have never ever rated myself since then. Lookign back i wasn't an awful looking teenager but i suppose i wasnt nice either never got over that.

Lately on here have experienced real bullying tactics i say on here because i met the people on here and had them on facebook. We were meant to be going on a meet as a group and ihad my name confirmed on the group and everything was looking forward to it. The x factor week when Joe won someone from that group put their status as something like 65% voted for joe i call that a landsline victory! And as i was an olly fan i put a really jokey remark like this "does that mean 65% have bad taste ) and she replied wow.thanks for that and i said i was only joking! Hence, the smiley! ANyway did not think anything of it then i saw a status another day it was a nice one about her son so i went to comment on it to say how lovely and she'd locked me from posting on her status's!! So i thought ok well why not delete me if you don't want to stay in touch? Or at least email me to tell me it upset you and that our humour isnt the same etc but i didnt get one so i just deleted her as she made it clear she did not want to talk to me. Felt that was a sort of cowardly way of doing it.

Anyway she told another group member who i added as a friend and she replied to me saying "i cant accept you as so and so is my friend" and something about bitchiness etc and i said well after that how can you expect me to come? I said why couldn't she email me as we are all adults had no reply and then the main girl actually removed my name alltogether from the groups front page.

Anyway just goes to prove that name calling and tactical sly being pushed out bullying is the sort of worst really as its almost like its cunningly planned so they can cover it up but hey ho heres to us survivors!!