But am I ready ?

[BeesBella]

Hi all.

I have been pestering OH about trying for another for months now. Our son will be 2 in December and I would like him to have a sibling close in age.
Well last night, OH agreed, he said he would like to start trying either this month of next month.....

Then my anxiety hit....

I laid in bed thinking, what if this isn't what's best for DS. He's so young and so reliant on me. He's still breastfed, we still bedshare. What if he would miss out of the important stuff if I had another baby.
But then I start thinking, what if having a sibling close in age would be really good for him. Thinking back, growing up with my brother (we are 3.5 years apart) was one of the best parts of my childhood (although I'd never say that to his face )

Financially we are in a fantastic place to try for another, we pay all the bills, have meals out etc and still manage to put a few hundred pounds away each month. I am a stay at home mum so we wouldn't have to worry about childcare costs.We have a 3 bed house so space isn't an issue. We have lots of family around (MIL lives just behind us and my mum is round nearly every day) so I'd get lots of help.

Only issue is, OH works, like a lot. He leaves the house at 7am and isn't back until 6:30pm (commute is 1.5 hours). When he's home he still does about 10-12 hours a week working from home. When DS was born, OH worked from home full time so I had support 24/7 so I know it will be a struggle if I had another one now that he's not working from home.....

Anyway....now I'm rambling.....

What would you do ?

All opinions and view points welcome....I can't decide and I will be fertile in about a week !

 

[Weebles]

I think that there will never be a moment where you feel 100% ready. Having children is always a leap of faith. Sounds like you want to make the jump but you keep looking over the edge.

 

[jacksonl8805]

Oh this sounds so similar to how I've been feeling. My husband works away from home for 2 weeks and then home 1 week. I work part time out of the home, part time at home and am working on a Masters program. I originally wanted to wait until I was done with school to try but then then cycle was like eh, let's see what happens. DH is home so little I figured why not...

Now I'm thinking what did I do!?

I'll honestly be happy either way. I think the fear of the unknown is the worst but you'll probably always have something holding you back if you think too hard. My daughter turned 2 in July and as she gets older and easier a newborn seems scary to go back to lol.

 

[Ginaj]

I think it's very normal to feel doubt every so often! I have been wanting another baby for a couple of years but have waited until the right time which we are now at (married and DD in school) but still the day I got my coil out I was awake all night worrying (what if DD doesn't thrive once she has a sibling? will we ever afford a holiday again? how will I cope with 2?)

No one else can tell you the right answer but I'm sure all of us have felt the same at some point. There will always be things that aren't perfect but you will make do and things will work out!

 

[mccluskeyj17]

It sounds like the two of you are in agreement about another baby, so go forward. It will be a sacrifice with hubby working long hours and you staying home. So although your husband is working long hours you have your family and in-laws around you to help you with a new baby.

 

[doggylover]

Coming up to my daughter's second birthday we were still breastfeeding, co sleeping and I was happy to have just her for that time. Then I fell pregnant unexpectedly, found out the day after she turned two.

All pregnancy I panicked. That was it - I was ruining her life, ruining the special bond she and I had, I was really quite down about it all.

And when baby arrived he was tough work. He is very high needs, even now at almost two. He never let me give her a single moment, not even naps as he only sleeps with me. And it is hard. And I have cried so many times.

But they adore one another!!!! She absolutely loves him, and him her. And she has never once fussed about him, never ever, even though she would have had every right to as he hogs all the attention. She just loves him, and they have great fun together.

So what I'm trying to say is as a mum you will worry. And that might not stop when baby arrives, but it will all work out so well for your kids having one another

 

[doggylover]

Also if I hadn't fallen pregnant accidentally I dunno when I would have gone for it. So I'm so glad it happened that way. And now my son is almost two we are ttc no3 😊

 

[AGGIESMUM92]

I don't think anyone ever feels ready if I'm honest! Just go for it be good all round

 

[Babybump87]

I think that there will never be a moment where you feel 100% ready. Having children is always a leap of faith. Sounds like you want to make the jump but you keep looking over the edge.

This was exactly me ! I had terrible anxiety over having another baby, even put me off for a few months . Then DD1 was getting older and I realised she needed someone.

Got pregnant the same month ! Honestly think I would have back tracked for a few months had it not happened straight away . Even though as soon as I seen that positive on the pregnancy test I knew I wanted the baby more than anything in the world . When we thought the pregnancy was eptopic I was devasted . Thankfully now a happy nearly two year old and her and DD1 get one so well and are really close .

I think as mums we are always going to have worry and anxiety . My mum always says don't let anxiety stop you from having/doing the things you really want (I suffer from anxiety particularly when stressed)

Good luck x

 

[bump.on.brain]

I think that there will never be a moment where you feel 100% ready. Having children is always a leap of faith. Sounds like you want to make the jump but you keep looking over the edge.

I think this is really helpful... For about 2.5 years I have been considering whether to have DC2, thinking that I would regret it if I didn't have another, it would be lovely for DD to have a sibling etc, but there has always been a reason not to go ahead with it. For a while they were really valid reasons like being on a fixed term contract at work so not having income security or DH not being 100% on board but in the back of my mind I also had worries about coping with a second, the impact it would have on our family etc.

For the last 6-12 months there have been no "real"reasons not to go ahead, other than general anxieties about whether now is the right time, whether I'll cope, whether we should just stick with one... this not feeling 100% sure made me panic that it wasn't the right thing and so at a TTC date we had agreed for September I asked to postpone to the end of December. Now, as that date gets closer I am still no more sure, am getting more nervous as the date gets closer and know that I could easily back out again! So basically I have spent 2 years thinking about possibly TTC and still don't feel 100% sure!

So I think you really could wait forever... I once read a quote somewhere too that waiting isn't actually just delaying a decision... at some point it becomes a decision not to. For me I know if I wait much longer it will be a permanent decision not to as the gap is getting bigger than we would want and DH doesn't want to be what he see as an "old" father.