"But he isn't home with you, is he?"

[BrandiCanucks]

I am heartbroken, and hurt, and angry, and a whole mix of emotions.

My son, Asher, is two weeks old and on his third NICU stay since birth. He had a traumatic birth where he also died. He was full term. He was delivered by emergency c-section after polyhydramnios and cord prolapse, with apgars of 3 and 5.

Thursday, he developed a fever and was readmitted to NICU in isolation. He was released Friday after we determined his fever was caused by dehydration causing his body temperature to rise. IV fluids brought the temp down and he began eating normally again.

Saturday, he was readmitted to NICU in isolation because one of his blood cultures from Thursday began growing bacteria consistent with Strep Viridans, which can cause endocarditis, sepsis, or death in a newborn.

Last night, I went in to feed him. He didn't have a good feed and I told the nurse this and said if he gets up fussy or wanting more, then come get me as I'll be just across the hall. She asked me if he had a blanket on him and I said he had one over him but that he wasn't wrapped up. I don't often wrap him at home. She goes, "Have you noticed how often we come and get you when he's wrapped up?" This is about every 4 hours. I told her it was about the same at home, every 3 1/2-4 hours, and that we cosleep, so he's right next to me.

Her response:

"Well, he's not at home next to you, is he?"

I stood in shock...not knowing what to say. Knowing what I wanted to say, but not wanting to jeopardize my son's care. She already didn't care to interact with him or change him, or provide proper care to him, perhaps because it's his third stay and he's not preemie? I don't know.

I went back to my room and bawled my eyes out. Does she say these things to EVERY NICU parent? You know, like I WANT to be living in a hospital bed with my newborn baby across the hall, not being able to snuggle constantly, having to gown myself to hold him, not knowing what is going on or how sick he actually is. Does she believe that I enjoy leaving my other kids at my friend's house to sleep because I have to be here for my baby?

Just really hurt me. Made me soooo angry.

 

[vermeil]

*hugs* I find nicu nurses are overall amazing but there is always that odd one that will make off comments. Most know and understand that as a nicu parent we're very stressed and dealing with emotional rollercoasters. But some just need to feel high and mighty and a tad too direct.

Can you ask another nurse who the floor supervisor is? Then ask that nurse if your son can not be cared for by her? Beyond that just ignore her attitude. What matters is your son.

My son was moved from a top notch tier 4 facility (one of the 4 in the country) to a local 'normal' nicu and and I was shocked by how drastically his quality of care dropped. I found the nurses uncaring, rough and always in a hurry to finish their shifts. At least he was stable by then but I would leave that place and cry too. It was such a shock. I politely brought it up with one nurse I liked and she said it was because the other specialied nicu had a huge budget, millions compared to their 250k etc. It did make sense but it did NOTmean the nurses had to act that way!

Also you can ask if the nicu has a psychologist. I spoke with ours many times and I found it helped tremendously to just talk to someone familiar with your situation. Or talk to some of the nicer nurses.

It sounds like they are keeping your son in nicu to be cautious, which is good! They caught the possible infection before it became an issue. My son had the dreaded septicemia and with good care he recovered. Unfortunately its very common for nicu babies to catch infections but the good news is they are easy to treat.

Just keep remembering your son is exactly where he needs to be right now to grow stronger and better. My son was in the nicu for 100+ days and I repeated that to myself daily. It gave me the strength to get through it.

Thinking of you *hugs*

 

[BrandiCanucks]

Unfortunately, there is only two nurses who work this NICU each night. Fortunately, she's not here tonight, and if all goes to plan, won't be back before my son is discharged. The other nurse from last night is here tonight and apologized to me tonight for what the other nurse said.

I was just shocked at those words. I bet every NICU parent wishes their baby could be at home with them, snuggling, feeding, crying, having to wake in the night. My mom suggested waiting until he is discharged to make a report, so as to not jeopardize his care further. I think it's good advice. I will be making a report about it though.

 

[vermeil]

Good to hear you won't need to deal with her again! And yes report it after he's discharged. What a heartless thing to say.

 

[jandksmommy]

I strongly believe that the moment your little one is discharged, you need to hand in a written complaint detailing what was said to you and how it made you feel. This nurse does not belong in a NICU setting. There is NOTHING in this world more frightening then having a preemie or sick newborn. Parents are already riding a horrific emotional rollercoaster and do not need unkind and thoughtless words from a NICU nurse to add to their pain and fear.

 

[sethsmummy]

so sorry she was so mean hun! I really hope your little one gets discharged before you have to see her again xxx