Can anyone help settle this argument....

[Suze]

Since Ava has been born she has had a restless screaming period between midnight and 3 when the only thing that keeps her settled is being on the breast constantly but when we try to put her down to sleep she starts screaming.

We have been giving her a bottle of EBM around 2-3am after all this BFing (she cluster feeds all evening from about 6pm) which after a while normally settles her - this originates from when I had to feed her using a nipple shield and she wasn't actually getting enough.

It has always been my OH that gives her the bottle of EBM but now he is going back to work and we are looking at how we will best manage this:
My thoughts are that I BF her as usual at 12 (as I am up then anyway) and then I don't mind getting up at 3am to BF her again and if need be give the EBM too.
My OH however thinks we should be giving her the EBM at midnight and then I should BF her at 3am. I don't see the point in giving her EBM at 12 if I'm awake anyway but I think my OH is insinuating she needs the bottle of EBM instead as she doesn't get enough from my breast?! She has gained 7oz each week for the last 2 weeks and does have plenty dirty and wet nappies. She does not settle at all around 12-3 and my OH in particular gets very distressed with her crying, and I would love to shift this unsettled period earlier but think replacing a BF with a bottle of EBM when I'm available and willing to do it seems pointless.

This has caused a huge argument in our house, and I just wondered what other people think about it!

 

[Lu28]

It doesn't sound as though you don't have enough milk for her and even if that was the case, she needs to go on the breast to tell your body to make more! If you're happy to bf at 12pm and are up anyway, then I don't see the problem with that. Maybe try one method for a few days, then try the other and see if either makes any difference? At least then DH will feel as though he's had a part in the decision making process! As far as I'm concerned, you're the one doing the feeding so you get final say!

 

[XKatX]

I don't think it's you that has a problem with supply hun. babies tend to have a period of time when they cluster feed. This is oviously the time for you. If you do have a low supply, it will only take a few nights of feeding at this time to sort it out. If it were me, I would just breast feed. But thats me!! Babies change their routine so quickly aswell, so before you know it, she will be doing something totally different and this dispute will be obsolete anyway!
At the end of the day, it's your boobs and I think you should go with that. Especially if he is going to be asleep at this time anyway!!!

 

[booflebump]

I agree, if you are up anyway, then I would just breastfeed. She is obviously getting enough from you to be gaining weight etc. She is probably having a bit of a growth spurt at the moment, making her hungrier

I would perservere for the time being - I know your Oh is getting distressed with the crying but you dont want to be going down the route of a bottle of formula to keep her quiet. You are doing a great job as you are, and stick in, it will get better xxx

 

[Genna]

I promise it gets better! I remember when Marley was doing the cluster feeds, just stick to it and listen to what she's needing, your body will sort out the rest It get's easier! Just hang in there

 

[Suze]

Thanks everyone, yeah that's also what I thought, they're my boobs and I'm the one doing the feeding!
To be honest I'm dreading the next few hours as we haven't resolved who's doing what tonight! It's ME who's supposed to be moody and hormonal. And to top it all off he's just stuck a dummy in her mouth because he's watching Top Gear

 

[ryder]

I dont think there is anything wrong with your supply...

My thought would be to give the bottle at 12 too though... Simply because at 3am the only thing you'll have to do is whip out your boob and feed, this will cut down on her awake time and likely settle her faster.

When your trying to encourage good night habits its important to do as little as possible at night, keep it dark etc, so you disrupt your LO's sleep as much as possible. And cluster feeding in the evening is normal and a good sign, your baby is stocking up for nighttime... So in that sense, the bottle might help too... they can sometimes get more and faster from the bottle then the breast.

Not trying to upset you, its totally your call... thats just my take on it... although if you dont mind the bfing, then you dont even need the bottle!

 

[sam#3]

I would stick with doing the breastfeeding and see how the next few days go with that as like someone else said it could be a growth spurt. If you are worried about your supply than giving a bottle will decrease your supply so i would say to stick to the breastfeeds. Good luck and i hope it went well tonight

 

[Suze]

Morning, well we gave her 3oz EBM at 12 and then I breastfed her and tried to settle her, she fell asleep with rocking but became wide awake and screaming when I put her in crib.
So I BF her again just after 1 for about half an hour lying down in bed and she dropped off but the screaming began again as soon as I put her in her crib.
I hate to admit this but she then did sleep, in my bed (OH slept in the spare room so he could get some sleep - lucky hum!). She slep until 4.30 then BF, then 7 then 9.
I suppose it was some improvement in that she settled before 3, but it was in my bed which I don't want to get in the habit of!

 

[ryder]

good luck hun! Sounds like it went ok... Is she draining the 3oz bottle? If she is draining it you may want to think of increasing it... They should have some left in the bottle which will let you know she is full.

 

[Suze]

Yes Ryder she is draining the 3oz bottle. How much should she need as a top up? We hadn't been giving her more because I wasn't getting the chance to express any more but we do have a small stockpile now. I am wondering where she's putting it all since she's been feeding all evening, then has 3oz then wants even more?!

 

[ryder]

At a month she can likely have 4-5oz in a bottle. You will know if she is getting enough if she leaves a bit in the bottle.

Every baby at that age cluster feeds like that, formula or bm, its very normal and it is just their way of stockpiling for night time. Which is also a good sign because it shows your baby is becomming aware of the nighttime routine.

 

[Mervs Mum]

Just be aware that the more you give her the less that you will produce. If you give her the 3oz and then BF to top her up at least your breasts are getting some, if not all the vital messages to increase the supply

 

[ryder]

1 bottle in the late evening wont decrease your supply hun... Especially if she is still getting up in the night and cluster feeding all evening. Plus with cluster feeding asll evening, your body will be getting plenty of signs.

Its your choice and no one elses, if you don't mind giving the bottle before bed, it can be of benefit.

If you dont like giving the bottle there is no one to tell you you have to give one at all.

Some people believe that in order you bf you cant do anything else... Which is fine for them, but some people supplement with EBM or formula and it works just fine for them too.

 

[Mervs Mum]

Sorry hun but if you give a bottle of anything your supply will be affected. So long as you do it at the same time every day/evening the rest of your supply will be find - just incase I wasnt clear before.

If you give the 3oz and finish with a BF then you will still be sending the signals to your boobs that she needs more. If you up the amount in the bottle and stop the BF 'top up' then your boobs will stop producing for that feed. Does that make sense?

I'm not coming at this from a 'dont supplement' point of view as I have supplemented my self at times and it can work really well. I'm coming from it from how the supply and demand of BFing works

 

[Suze]

Thanks again ladies for your advice. I think we will continue with the bottle of EBM BUT I will also always finish off with a BF so that I still give my body the signals...this is something I knew nothing of before I breastfed! I'm still not entirely sure we need the bottle of EBM and the more I think about it I'm wondering if she's just not settling between 12 and 3 because of other reasons ie. it's not actually hunger but perhaps comfort or that at the moment this is just her unsettled period. When I breast feed her during this time she seems really angry and often pulls at my breast too which is not too pleasant!

Ooh Mervs Mum I've just seen that you're pregnant again Congratulations!

 

[ryder]

If she drains the bottle at 12 and is unsettled she is likely hungry... and probably confused if you try and offer your boob after the bottle... The bottle is alot faster and easier for her then bfing.

tbh, i'd either not give the bottle at all and just bf or give her her fill of EBM.... Or maybe try BFing her BEFORE you give the bottle and then finish off with the bottle?

Im sure you will find out what works.

btw... eventually your baby will sleep through the night anyways... your not going to dry up by giving the 12am bottle.