Can anyone help with this situation?

[KayCee114]

I have just seen a discussion on this morning about divorce and how it affects kids.*

My husbands ex wife is completely unreasonable when it comes to access and arrangements for him to see his son.
She changes arrangements last minute and bribes him not to come to see us on the weekends by taking him places and buying him things on those weekends.
She refuses to do any of the travelling to allow him to see us. If my husband wants to see his son, it's his 'duty' to travel to see him. She has even been told by the courts that this should be split but she refused to let him see his son unless he did all the travelling.*
She smokes and drinks around him and then says she needs more money from my husband as she can't afford to keep buying him what he needs. (my husband already pays over what the CSA reccommend for his circumstances.
Just to top it all off she writes messages on her facebook (which we can't see as she has blocked us but their son and a couple of members of our family who she has on there can see) she calls my husband a useless father, a prick, and has previously posted that she wanted to 'smack her in the face' (meaning me) but she 'couldn't because she is pregnant.'

We feel like we are fighting a losing battle as we are seeing him less and less. We have NEVER said anything negative about her when his son is here. He is now 12 and we are hoping that in time he will come to realise for himself that his mum is the one who has the problems and is unreasonable.

It's just so difficult to wait for that time to come.

I would be grateful for any advice on what we can do to make this situation more pleasant for everyone.

There is no talking to her. She is always right in her opinion and if my husband says anything that she doesn't like or that we can't change arrangements last minute like she wants us to then she goes off on a screaming fit down the phone, or a tirade of text messages about how he doesn't want to see his son. Obviously his son can hear all this too.*

Has anyone been in the same situation? How did you get through it. Now his son is 12 should my husband start giving his side of things?

They have been separated since he was 4. My husband just wants to get along with her for his sons sake but she just wants to make it as awkward as possible. It's been 8 years and she is still acting like this.... It was her who split up with my husband as she had cheated on him.

I think I have got all the info in there!!

Thanks*

 

[lal]

Don't give the child yourall's "side" of the situation, if she is involving him that is her (bad) choice, stooping to that level is just hurtful to the child and puts him even more in the middle. Children are not oblivious to their parents' behavior...my parents divorced when I was 2, and I could tell you all about the ways they tried to manipulate the situation, thinking my brother and I couldn't understand. Just be the best parents you can be, the "bigger person" in the situation - you can't control what she does. I would also try to "kill her with kindness", it can't hurt to be friendly, no matter how awful she is (odds are she thinks you guys are awful too, divorce is rough on both sides). Good luck!

 

[bloodbinds]

Well... it's hard to give advice when i don't see both sides of the arguement. From what you say she seems very unfair but there is not much you can do, as you don't want to get the son involved with the arguements, you need to leave him out of it.

Also, i agree with his ex about the travelling, if the father wants to see his child he should come to the child himself. My FOB lives 200 miles away and hell will freeze over before i travel 100 miles to meet him half way, especially since he's spent the last 10 months pretty much ignoring her exsistance (but that is a different situation).
If you live near by i see no problem in him making the effort to travel to see his son x

 

[CLH_X3]

sounds like shes being a b***h to be honest ... there is nothing you can do though. Kepp contact with her to min and if she starts argueing dont reply to texts and put the phone down... if she wants to talk in a sensible manner then listen ....

when the child is old enough then i think your OH does have a right to explain how diff she made it, not in a bad way but just state he would of seen him alot more but things were not well between his mum and your OH

and im sorry but she SHOULD be doing some of the travelling. i dont see why he should have to do it all! .. she left him, she cheated on him, so she took his son away from him so why the hell cant she do 50/50 ... its unfair that the travelling gets lumped on the father all the time as it always does... and if he does have to travel the whole way and it it is a long distance drive (and she refuses to every do 50/50) then this should be taken into account when doing her maintance!! if she cant be bothered to help let her son see his father when by the sounds of it your OH has tried and maintained contact and been there for his son and WANTS to see him what kind of mother is she, and it will all come back to bite her in the ass when his son is older (i mean 20's) he will relise and he wont forget how difficult she made it for him to see his dad... just tell your OH to hang in there, hes doing his best by the sounds of it and it wont be forgotten

 

[scottishgal89]

If it was me I would go back to my solicitor and ask for advice. Is she breaking a contact order that the courts have put in place?
When my daughter is old enough to understand and wants to know, I will tell her what her 'dad' did to me and she can decide from there. I will tell here facts though, I won't bad mouth him and I will support her either way. I wouldnt view it as telling my 'side' though as that would look like I would be trying to score points.
I also don't agree with her having to travel to meet him, I wouldn't do it either if LO had contact with her 'dad' but I do understand that you situation is different as it is her who is in the wrong so I'm not sure but if he wants to see his son, thats a small price to pay. How far away does she live? If it's close, surely it's not a problem for him to travel?
My OH now, isn't in the wrong either, his ex is and he is going to have to travel 400miles to see his daughter but he'll still do it.