BrandiCanucks
Mommy of 4, WTT
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- Aug 18, 2010
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My ex has to move out of his house next Saturday. He has known since early September and chose to not find a new home to rent or buy, but instead has chosen to move in to his mother's cramped 2-bedroom apartment. We have three kids and he is court ordered to have them overnight three weekends a month, and I have them the rest of the time. I try to offer extra visitation through the week and he ignores calls from the kids, and blows them off, or says he'll come see them, and then doesn't show up. He even ditched the kids over Thanksgiving weekend in favour of playing his guitar with his friend. He even told my son this over the phone, that he would rather play music with his friend then see his son.
There is no room in his mother's apartment to fit her, her husband, my ex, and three kids. The extra bedroom only has a single bed. This means my children, ages 6, 4, and 2, would sleep on a couch, or on a cold floor. The apartment is also on the 15th floor, contains lots of glass and hazardous objects, and my oldest daughter is autistic and easily escapes from places. She's a flight risk and requires constant supervision.
He has been fired from 7 jobs in the last year, so it is unknown when he will have a stable job and be able to provide a stable home for the kids on weekends. My lawyer and I have tried to work out a temporary agreement with him where he would have visitation for 12 hours on Saturday, and 12 hours on Sunday, but not have overnights again until he has a stable job and home, but he refuses to sign and agree to this. Once he has a stable home to provide for them, he would have his overnights back. The only reason he refuses is because he enjoys abuse, power, and control.
When he told me he was losing his house, I tried to help by looking for 2 and 3 bedroom homes to rent that were affordable, and provided him the phone numbers for geared-to-income housing and emailed the forms for priority housing based on homelessness and having to provide a home for 3 kids. Of the 7 jobs he got fired from, I found him three of them. He lost all of them within a 3 month time span...two of them within one week of being hired. Then he expects me to have sympathy for him "during a hard time". When I refuse to have sympathy and tell him he needs to take more responsibility for his own actions, he tells me that I'm the reason he lost those jobs (he never tells me where he works, even though it's court ordered for emergency purposes). I get blamed when he can't afford milk for the week because he was behind on his daycare payment, and I'm apparently malicious, even though I gave him a bag of milk and a meal to feed himself and the kids with for a night when I had to go to hospital. He had two interviews last week and sprung these interviews on me only 5 hours before a work shift and told me to tell my friend a few houses down to babysit the kids, or for me to miss work. I told him she wasn't available and we needed more notice than 5 hours, and that I can't miss work so he would have to find someone else to watch the kids, he flipped out and told me I was purposely trying to sabotage his interviews!! He ended up getting his mom to babysit, and she decided she didn't want to walk the older kids the three blocks to school, so he sent me a text that they were not going to school that day. LIKE HELL my kids were missing school because someone didn't want to walk them there. It turned out, my son was sick with diarrhea that day anyway so I left work and he did end up staying home, and 4 hours after I brought him to my house, he needed the washroom and I discovered that the whole time, he had been sitting in s**t-filled underwear!!! When I asked why, my ex's only response was "because he had the runs". He didn't even have the decency to give my son a clean pair of underwear!! I asked my son when it happened and he said it was in his dad's bed. That means he was in this underwear for AT LEAST 6 hours!!!
So, in short, until he gets a stable job and a stable home, which could be MONTHS, the only place for my kids to sleep when they go for his overnights would be a cold floor, or a couch, and they're too young for a couch. They might fall off. (Not pull out)
Does anyone know if I can breach the court order and deny overnights to him due to the fact that he does not have a stable job or home or beds for the kids to sleep in? I am not denying access, and still want him to see the kids if he wants to, just the overnights. When it comes between my kids sleeping in a warm bed at my house, or a cold floor, I'd rather the warm bed, especially since it's cold and wintery here.
We don't go to court again until January.
There is no room in his mother's apartment to fit her, her husband, my ex, and three kids. The extra bedroom only has a single bed. This means my children, ages 6, 4, and 2, would sleep on a couch, or on a cold floor. The apartment is also on the 15th floor, contains lots of glass and hazardous objects, and my oldest daughter is autistic and easily escapes from places. She's a flight risk and requires constant supervision.
He has been fired from 7 jobs in the last year, so it is unknown when he will have a stable job and be able to provide a stable home for the kids on weekends. My lawyer and I have tried to work out a temporary agreement with him where he would have visitation for 12 hours on Saturday, and 12 hours on Sunday, but not have overnights again until he has a stable job and home, but he refuses to sign and agree to this. Once he has a stable home to provide for them, he would have his overnights back. The only reason he refuses is because he enjoys abuse, power, and control.
When he told me he was losing his house, I tried to help by looking for 2 and 3 bedroom homes to rent that were affordable, and provided him the phone numbers for geared-to-income housing and emailed the forms for priority housing based on homelessness and having to provide a home for 3 kids. Of the 7 jobs he got fired from, I found him three of them. He lost all of them within a 3 month time span...two of them within one week of being hired. Then he expects me to have sympathy for him "during a hard time". When I refuse to have sympathy and tell him he needs to take more responsibility for his own actions, he tells me that I'm the reason he lost those jobs (he never tells me where he works, even though it's court ordered for emergency purposes). I get blamed when he can't afford milk for the week because he was behind on his daycare payment, and I'm apparently malicious, even though I gave him a bag of milk and a meal to feed himself and the kids with for a night when I had to go to hospital. He had two interviews last week and sprung these interviews on me only 5 hours before a work shift and told me to tell my friend a few houses down to babysit the kids, or for me to miss work. I told him she wasn't available and we needed more notice than 5 hours, and that I can't miss work so he would have to find someone else to watch the kids, he flipped out and told me I was purposely trying to sabotage his interviews!! He ended up getting his mom to babysit, and she decided she didn't want to walk the older kids the three blocks to school, so he sent me a text that they were not going to school that day. LIKE HELL my kids were missing school because someone didn't want to walk them there. It turned out, my son was sick with diarrhea that day anyway so I left work and he did end up staying home, and 4 hours after I brought him to my house, he needed the washroom and I discovered that the whole time, he had been sitting in s**t-filled underwear!!! When I asked why, my ex's only response was "because he had the runs". He didn't even have the decency to give my son a clean pair of underwear!! I asked my son when it happened and he said it was in his dad's bed. That means he was in this underwear for AT LEAST 6 hours!!!
So, in short, until he gets a stable job and a stable home, which could be MONTHS, the only place for my kids to sleep when they go for his overnights would be a cold floor, or a couch, and they're too young for a couch. They might fall off. (Not pull out)
Does anyone know if I can breach the court order and deny overnights to him due to the fact that he does not have a stable job or home or beds for the kids to sleep in? I am not denying access, and still want him to see the kids if he wants to, just the overnights. When it comes between my kids sleeping in a warm bed at my house, or a cold floor, I'd rather the warm bed, especially since it's cold and wintery here.
We don't go to court again until January.
