Can i have some advice please?

[jellytots2010]

Hi everybody,

I'm new to the site and this whole idea so please be gentle with me!

I really need some honest advice from people who are in the same position as me. I have been with my partner for 5 years and are getting married in July. In February we found out that I was pregnant. It was a complete shock but we were very happy and excited about our future. However in March we miscarried. We are both devastated. We originally planned that we would try again in October so that the baby would be due a couple of months after I have finished my university degree. However, we then decided that it would probably be better to wait 2 years so that I can get a job and be more settled in that before the baby comes along. I know that that is the most sensible option but I feel desperate for a baby NOW! (or at least to ttc in october).

My partner says that as long as his job is ok we can try in october but I know that 2012 is more practical and sensible. He is fantastic (which is why i'm marrying him!) and will support me in how I feel. One thing to note though is that we are young (21) and do technically have plenty of time to wait and do everything.

Please please give me your honest opinion and advice. Some days it is just so hard to cope with our recent loss and I just want to be pregnant and have that little baby we're dreaming of.

 

[silverbell]

Hi there

Given that 2012 is the most sensible and practical time for TTC (in your words) and given your young ages, I would be tempted to hang on. It's only another couple of years (and depending on dates may mean that you may be TTC late next year) and it sounds like this is the best thing all round.

Have a good chinwag with your OH and see what he thinks.

 

[chloelouise8]

Hiya,
I'm in a similar situation to you. I found out I was pregnant 2 months before starting university but unfortunately miscarried at 8 weeks. Although it was not planned at all, we were both happy...... and actually wanted to try again soon after the miscarriage. Although I would love a baby now, I know there are lots of things I won't be able to enjoy at university if I did have one. My partner and I are getting married this December and he is at a stage where he would like us to try again (he is 26, I'm 19), however I would be in the middle of my second year. I pay to go to university and feel that its probably best to make the most of this when I am able to, it would be pretty difficult with a little one! Oh and imagine being pregnant and the stress in the third year?! My friend was pregnant during her first year and struggled enough!

I think its probably more disruptive to start a job, then have a baby though.... i know for me it would be better to have a baby before I start a job as I wouldn't want to juggle between both and I would be able to dedicate all my time to the baby.

Although.... once you have a job- at least you are able to get maternity leave, and still have a job at the end of it....

That probably hasn't helped you much :s It's just important to work out whether you want to make the most out of your final year and education or dive straight in.... If you're in a financially secure situation I don't see the problem with having a child before you start a job xx

 

[jellytots2010]

Thats actually more helpful than you think! Just after my m/c I went to uni to tell a lecturer that I trust what happened and she said that a lot of people get pregnant in the last year. Also i'm lucky in the fact that i'm on a medical course and a job shouldn't be too hard to get (fingers crossed).

I guess i'm just really trying to weight up if its better to have a baby just after i've finished and before i start a job or about 18mths in? It just feels like so long to wait x

 

[Rikki]

I am in my final year at uni (well, technically finished but can't sit my exams until August). I have just lost a baby. I have had 3 miscarriages in the last 13 months. I don't think being at uni would have stopped me. However, I am a lot older than you so my situation is quite different. It sounds like you have a good solid relationship with your partner. In your situation I would probably wait and get my career established. I didn't have a career when I had my eldest child (I was 20) and I have now spent years doing college courses & A levels to work towards my degree. I often regret not having a good job before I had children. I had to struggle on minimum wage when they were young - it would have been so much easier if I'd had a good job and maternity pay etc.
Only you and your partner can decide when is right for you. Its so hard when you want a baby so badly, especially after a loss. Good luck with your decision.I hope everything goes well for you.

 

[chloelouise8]

18 months does seem a long time! I guess pregnancy doesn't always go as planned tho... I don't think I could deal with a miscarriage again during university, however at the same time... I think its better to try earlier rather than later just incase things don't go to plan and it takes a lot longer than expected.
Having a baby before getting a job will be less stressful-finishing uni will be a major relief (especially being pregnant) and you won't have to worry about a job- you'll be able to concentrate on the little one!
xx

 

[jellytots2010]

Thanks for replying guys! Its great to hear everyone elses stories. It makes you realise that your not alone in the world and other people have similar problems. I hope it will all work out ok. I guess i'm just trying to find the strength to wait and do the right thing x