Can I make a suggestion/request?

[Mrs-C]

Apologies if this is the wrong place for this.

In 1st tri there are a lot of women who post about thinking they are loosing the baby or have. Whilst we all sympathise with them, and it is a horrible thing to go through, it can make 1st tri hard to enjoy and adds to the worry in the back of all our minds.

Could there maybe a seperate folder/section within first tri for people to post their worries? That way, those who want to read/see these posts can and those who would rather not add to their anxiety can concentrate on the happier side of 1st tri?

Just a thought, I appriciate it may be costly or unjustified. Just thought I'd put it out there.

Thanks

 

[Mummy2Angel.]

Well there wouldnt be much going on then in first tri , its all about worries .... spotting, pains, MS, scans, bloat/bumps etc....thats what first tri is all about. As someone who has had a loss i dont think we should hide the fact there are some problems which dont end well.

 

[Jody R]

I think that seeing other people have the same concerns can help set minds at rest or conversely, help people who might not realise they are experiencing worrisome symptoms to get help.

You can chose which threads to read but hiding threads away in a seperate section might mean people miss out on the support and advice they need.

 

[v2007]

I agree with Mummy2Angel and Jody

Not all pregnancies end with a baby sadly

But sending Mums to be who are having problems to another section instead of posting in the 1st trimester is a bit cruel.

V xxx

 

[Mrs-C]

Alright then, I'll just stay out of first tri and wait until I can move to 2nd.

No, not all pregnancies end in a baby - but not all of them end in a MC. That's how it seems in first tri!

 

[Mummy2Angel.]

Well Mrs-C its your choice not to come into first tri, there are plenty of positive threads as well as not so positive ones as well, its a reality that not all pregnancies end in a baby, but yes they dont all end in MC, but people come on the forum to get advice etc....and first tri is a place for that advice. The risk doesnt decrease in 2nd tri so many ladies on here have had 2nd tri losses (me included) so i can imagine there still being some threads about worrying etc in 2nd tri as well

 

[Bittersweet]

second tri losses happen too...as well as all the worries...so if you dont like it in first tri your not gona like it in second tri MC's happen in about every 1 in 3 pregnancies (ABOUT!) its something we all are affected by.

 

[Mrs-C]

Sorry, I thought as there's a section for TTC over 35, TTC after a loss etc that this would be something that would fit.

I didn't expect to be attacked for it.

I am well aware that losses happen - but it doesn't help to be constantly reminded of it all the time. I would like to enjoy my pregnancy, but whenever you post you get replies about how you might loose it. You can't even post about something you've bought without a reply of 'oh, I wouldn't buy anything yet, it's too soon'.

I'm aware that people loose babies, but those of us that haven't might like to be ignorant to it to a certain extent and just relax.

 

[Mummy2Angel.]

I really do hope to god you appricate that innocence you have! To be honest that was quite a hurtful comment, reminding us that have had losses that we dont have that anymore!

At the end of a day its a reality! deal with it! Ive had to and so have so many other woman on here! We shouldnt have to hide our fears, just to please you and other members that havent had a loss to make you feel better!

 

[Mrs-C]

I really do hope to god you appricate that innocence you have! To be honest that was quite a hurtful comment, reminding us that have had losses that we dont have that anymore!

At the end of a day its a reality! deal with it! Ive had to and so have so many other woman on here! We shouldnt have to hide our fears, just to please you and other members that havent had a loss to make you feel better!

I'm really not trying to hurt anyones feelings. It's just as hurtful to have people be negative at you when it's not necessary. I was unaware before I joined and now I know I am terrified!

You have actually upset me by attacking me for offering a suggestion, like I am less worthy because I haven't had to experience a MC (yet).

I didn't want a row, I thought this was something others would want after speaking to them and how they feel. There's no need to talk to me like that. If you don't like how I feel, fine. I shouldn't feel like I can't be here just because I've not been unlucky like others.

You have no idea what others have been through in their lives. Just because they haven't had a MC doesn't mean they haven't had a tough time to get through.

For me, this pregnancy is a turning point after 2 years of bad luck and subsquent health issues. If I have something to be positive about after all that, I damn well want to throw myself in it.

Life can be hard in all areas, not just pregnancy.

 

[Pippin]

I was due pretty much the same day as you and I just lost my baby last week (ending in an erpc on Friday). I feel a little hurt that you want to deny me the support that so many women gave me during the roller coaster journey I've just been through. My loss started out like many pregnancies do with a simple anomaly on a scan that could have frankly gone either way. My story was a sad one but many gave me hope it might have had a happier ending (which at the time I was truly glad of, and in my situation was the more likely outcome). Would people have give me that support if they had to come to a separate section hidden away from everyone one else? I doubt it. Could you even seperate the sections? I doubt it. Have I ruined their pregnancy by accepting their support? Again I doubt it. Having had a successful pregnancy with my son and experienced posting in first tri then (I have been a member for 2 years) I was glad that I could give support to those who were in a situation I am in now and although I felt sad for them it only made me appreciate my successful pregnancy even more. I truly hope you are never in the situation where you desperately need some reassurance or help during your pregnancy but please don't deny us, the ones that do! I'm not having a go, just trying to make you see it from a different point of view.

 

[Mrs-C]

I was due pretty much the same day as you and I just lost my baby last week (ending in an erpc on Friday). I feel a little hurt that you want to deny me the support that so many women gave me during the roller coaster journey I've just been through. My loss started out like many pregnancies do with a simple anomaly on a scan that could have frankly gone either way. My story was a sad one but many gave me hope it might have had a happier ending (which at the time I was truly glad of, and in my situation was the more likely outcome). Would people have give me that support if they had to come to a separate section hidden away from everyone one else? I doubt it. Could you even seperate the sections? I doubt it. Have I ruined their pregnancy by accepting their support? Again I doubt it. Having had a successful pregnancy with my son and experienced posting in first tri then (I have been a member for 2 years) I was glad that I could give support to those who were in a situation I am in now and although I felt sad for them it only made me appreciate my successful pregnancy even more. I truly hope you are never in the situation where you desperately need some reassurance or help during your pregnancy but please don't deny us, the ones that do! I'm not having a go, just trying to make you see it from a different point of view.

I meant like the test gallery, where the section splits when you go in. I really didn't mean offence and I have just posted how I feel. I am sorry for all your losses, but just because I want to feel positive about my pregnancy doesn't make me a bad person.

I'm almost in tears now, which is ridiculous. I feel like what was an innocent suggestion has led to me being attacked. It's a forum, the whole point is to say how you feel and to give an opinion.

I'm not saying you shouldn't have the support. I'm saying on a positive day I would feel I would go in and give my wishes and say sorry. On days I felt low myself, I might choose not to add extra worry by seeing the number of posts about loss that show how often it happens.

 

[Bittersweet]

Then on a day u feel low don't read the threads with the obviously upsetting/sad title.

I understand u want a pma but how would you like it if all of us angel
mummies wanted those pregnant in their own separate part?

We would never say that-wel I speak for myself when I say that- we simpy don't venture into first tri or we aviod reading threads we know will upset us. Although some may think oh I wish it were me in first tri oh I don't want to think about pregnancy we have too as it's a fact of life pregnancy will always be around us.

I'm sorry if our losses upset you or make you scared that is truly not our intentions.

 

[Pippin]

Unfortunately in reality it happens to one in three pregnancy which is horrible which ever way you look at it, or display it in a forum. So I suppose theoretically a third of the posts in first tri could be sad ones, which both you and I know aren't. Maybe it seems a lot of threads because you are nervous about your pregnancy, which is totally understandable I was too with my first (this one was different as I presumed, wrongly, it would just happen the same way as my first). I do find though a lot of the threads you talk about have happy endings and having now been in that situation I went to look at those first to see how the stories end to gain a bit of hope. Maybe just avoid them like everyone suggests. You have a healthy bean with a heartbeat which should make you feel very confident. Try to look past the posts you don't want to read and create ones you do want to see. Unfortunately not all the bad things like mc can be hidden away and frankly I'm glad it's not. I'd be going out of my mind if I didn't have people to talk or turn to.

 

[Mrs-C]

Then on a day u feel low don't read the threads with the obviously upsetting/sad title.

I understand u want a pma but how would you like it if all of us angel
mummies wanted those pregnant in their own separate part?

We would never say that-wel I speak for myself when I say that- we simpy don't venture into first tri or we aviod reading threads we know will upset us. Although some may think oh I wish it were me in first tri oh I don't want to think about pregnancy we have too as it's a fact of life pregnancy will always be around us.

I'm sorry if our losses upset you or make you scared that is truly not our intentions.

No, and it was not my intention to upset anyone with this suggestion.

TBH though, if that's not someone's intentions, they shouldn't say things like 'losses happen in 1 in 3, deal with it'. It's just not needed and it's not constructive. It's exactly the negativity I was talking about.

Those who are pregnant do have their own. There's also pregnant after a loss. This is why I thought there is so much segregation of the sections, this would fit in the forum as it is.

 

[Pippin]

I'm almost in tears now, which is ridiculous. I feel like what was an innocent suggestion has led to me being attacked. It's a forum, the whole point is to say how you feel and to give an opinion.

I don't think we are attacking you hon, well I'm not trying to, just trying to ask you to see the other side that's all. Don't upset yourself please.

 

[Mrs-C]

Unfortunately in reality it happens to one in three pregnancy which is horrible which ever way you look at it, or display it in a forum. So I suppose theoretically a third of the posts in first tri could be sad ones, which both you and I know aren't. Maybe it seems a lot of threads because you are nervous about your pregnancy, which is totally understandable I was too with my first (this one was different as I presumed, wrongly, it would just happen the same way as my first). I do find though a lot of the threads you talk about have happy endings and having now been in that situation I went to look at those first to see how the stories end to gain a bit of hope. Maybe just avoid them like everyone suggests. You have a healthy bean with a heartbeat which should make you feel very confident. Try to look past the posts you don't want to read and create ones you do want to see. Unfortunately not all the bad things like mc can be hidden away and frankly I'm glad it's not. I'd be going out of my mind if I didn't have people to talk or turn to.

I wish it did make me feel better! I still read of losses after seeing the HB. It's the worry that led me to pay £70 for an early scan, I was so worried about getting to 12 weeks and finding a MMC. I still do.

I really didn't want a fight. It's not helpful to anyone and I'm sorry to have offended.

 

[StirCrazy]

How did this thread end up like this... this was directed at Admin, no? Comments like "deal with it" make you just as inconsiderate (only unlike the OP that was deliberately rude!)

Mrs-C, this isn't really a viable subforum. At the end of the day we do have our Loss forums, but we aren't going to whisk sad outcomes out of the door and into another forum. Sorry.