Can ltttc have a private thread?

[Chatterwockin]

There has been some trouble brewing, i was just wondering could there not be a private thread for ltttc girls? seems the best option to me?

 

[tamithomas]

starting to agree with this more and more, it would solve a lot 90% of the problems.

 

[Chatterwockin]

I really do think it would solve the issues.

 

[Wobbles]

There is no way to make an individual thread private sorry.

I don't agree with a lot of a what happened yesterday in various parts of the forum and I support the vent thread if it doesn't break our guidelines. The thread has been closed not because it broke the guidelines but because I want to deal with those who went in to flame your thread, post unecassarily and pretty much have no consideration for those who are LTTTC.

Be assured I won't allow it but please take into consideration I am also human and need a little patience in sorting it out (and not at 1am lol). This will be sorted by the end of today.

 

[Chatterwockin]

I see, i do understand both sides, some people may read some of the comments and take them to heart, but they are just rants, no one is hurt by them. Its a shame though, as i feel some people come onto these threads for a fight.

Thanks for getting back to me x

 

[Cetarari]

Is there not a way to make the membership request only, like the gender disappointment forums? It only takes a request to get access, but surely if you 'opt in' and get offended it's your own fault.

I've kept out of this so far, but I do think it might be best to make the ltttc area safer for the posters. I'm currently pregnant with our (hopefully) rainbow baby, but it took us 5 years and a lot of heartache to conceive our ivf daughter, who we sadly lost at 23 weeks and if you haven't been there it's really hard to understand the pain, bitterness, sadness and hopelessness that failure to conceive can bring.

The ltttc'ers should be able to vent to their hearts content without people butting in, I know it's how I managed to stay sane and better everyone vent to people who know what they're going through than have to put up with 'relax and it'll happen' or 'well, at least you weren't expecting anything' (someone actually said that to me after losing our daughter).

I'm not offended in the least because I've been there and people purposefully coming into the section, clicking on a thread called 'Ultimate Venting Thread' and then getting offended seems a little daft.

I hope you ladies get your thread up and running again soon, and hope you all get that soon, I wish you all the luck in the world

 

[Wobbles]

Problem is we have been attacked from both sides, it's not acceptable adult behaviour and of course I have bluntly defended the team.

We've been attacked for your vent thread.
We've been attacked for other peoples threads that we know were flaming about the vent thread, yes wrongly my replies to them make it clear I found them wrong but still we have been attacked that our rules are one sided AGAINST the LTTTC members I issued an infraction and a temp ban yesterday, just because you don't see what actions we take doesn't mean we haven't taken any.
We've been attacked for telling pregnant ladies not to view your thread.
We've been attacked for telling TTC members not to reply to pregnancy threads they may not at this time relate to.
We have not said LTTTC members cannot vent and I have explained why the vent thread is currently locked and what is happening.

BnB is a public forum if we shut off every section that had problems all of them will be locked down and fact is MOST of you found BnB through Google seeking support with others on the same journey as you if we locked it out you wouldn't find us.

Can't win and members are wondering why I've been blunt being sent around in circles yet despite defending your thread I've been attacked from a group of forum buddies in that thread. I'm offended.

My partner and I founded BnB because of and during our heartache TTC so to assume because I have children now I don't understand or look out for this section is outrageous. Everyone has a line and I'm sorry they have been pushed quite a bit over 24 hours yet I'll have to deal with all of this later and take more insults no doubt but I'll address the problems not hide them.

 

[Chatterwockin]

I can see why you would be frustrated, it must be upsetting to be bashed, when you are taking action behind the scenes. Perhaps we could get a members only place and call it the "out in the open section" For people to say on there if they have a problem, publicly with someones posts, so the threads are not all hijacked?

Then if you are not after a fight, you just dont look at that part, rather than people jumping onto other threads?

Iykwim?!

 

[Wobbles]

Oh goodness no lol I know what you mean and I know of one forum who has something alike and it's vile

As long as the vent thread isn't aimed at the community or specific members then I have no problem with it and will have a problem with other members flaming it. I totally understand most of the posts in it. I remember once at a tesco checkout after my ectopic the woman at the till showing all her customers her scan picture when I realised my heart sank ... I felt jealous and angry I even gave her a filthy look when it came to my groceries to put her off the friendly chat about her scan picture. I also experienced guilt the next day for resenting her pregnancy and acting like that. I do get it ... People assuming I don't have been wrong and I'm not the only one in our mod team that get it.

 

[Chatterwockin]

Oh do they? lol i take it its not pretty then lol..

That's so sad, i have similar experiences but from when my son died, i was in asda and a lady was not paying attention to her very new, very high pitched newborn (she was probably shattered) and i am so ashamed, but i wanted to take her child, i really do feel disgusting, but that is how i felt. Grief in all its forms is a very selfish and horrible things, and it can make you someone you are not.

 

[Wobbles]

No it's not pretty lol!

It's horrible and dark to have these feelings I know the times I've had the same or simular experiences is plenty. I still see things now that shock me but some situations I have seen I now realise how judging I was but for those who don't understand that dark place should butt out, I agree with that.

It's mentally and emotionally draining and I hope every lady who visits the LTTTC forum comes out with their wish. It near destroyed me as a person. I changed a lot.

My point just being we do understand and we are not one sided.

 

[I Love Lucy]

I understand why you ladies would want your forum to be private but I just wanted to stop in and say that I'm glad it isn't because a few of you ladies have been very helpful to me. I have no experience LTTTC but my cousin has been LTTTC for 4+ years. Because of my lack of experience and knowledge on what you ladies go through, I would have no idea how to announce my own pregnancy to my cousin. Thanks to the advice and info I have received, I feel like I can announce to my cousin in a way that will help minimize some of the hurt she will feel. I wouldn't have been able to get that advice had this forum had been private. So I guess what I'm trying to say is though you deal with a lot of rude members you also help a lot of members too.

 

[tommyg]

I have to agree with the above post. I've only been trying for #2 for 7 months and I don't feel I really belong in the LTTTC forum but I don't feel at home in the TTC forum either. And if LTTTC forum was to be made private then I really don't feel I'd be able to warrent getting access to it.

May be as a compromise the LTTTC ranting threads could be made private so only ladies with x many LTTTC posts can access them?

 

[RoseKitten]

What about having a "sub" section in LTTTC? Not sure if that's been mentioned or not, yet.

 

[wonderstars]

I started the original venting thread thinking this was a safe place to say everything I couldn't in real life and that, tbh, I would never think of saying to anyone's face. Everyone has a "moment" and when you live among the most fertile of people, you feel guilty and sad that no one else understands those moments. Over here I had that.

Do I understand what it's like to get up and pee every hour? Do I understand how difficult breastfeeding is? Do I understand what it's like to vomit every morning? No. However, do I go on their boards and pretend that I understand? Do I go in and comment on those who state they sometimes wonder what they got themselves into? Of course not, because guess what? That's what you say at the moment of frustration. It just so happens that LTTC brings about a whole lot more frustrations.

I think the forum could have been proud to have been a safe haven for the growing number of women who are dealing with infertility. You could have provided a place where they didn't have to be judged. Instead, you made them leave because they were attacked for finding support for the first time on this horrible path.

Shame on you for tipping over a wonderful set of LTTCers. I came on to this forum hitting the 1 year mark and those ladies welcomed me gladly. They taught me about everything. I saw them come and welcome and commiserate with others coming in here. There are still so many lovely women here so I know new LTTCers will learn a lot and feel welcome. I hope they realize that there are many frustrations that come with the process and that they aren't the only ones that get those extreme feelings.

Infertility involves a grieving process. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It just so happened that a group of women found themselves helping each through their anger and depression and were punished for that.

 

[emz1200]

I started the original venting thread thinking this was a safe place to say everything I couldn't in real life and that, tbh, I would never think of saying to anyone's face. Everyone has a "moment" and when you live among the most fertile of people, you feel guilty and sad that no one else understands those moments. Over here I had that.

Do I understand what it's like to get up and pee every hour? Do I understand how difficult breastfeeding is? Do I understand what it's like to vomit every morning? No. However, do I go on their boards and pretend that I understand? Do I go in and comment on those who state they sometimes wonder what they got themselves into? Of course not, because guess what? That's what you say at the moment of frustration. It just so happens that LTTC brings about a whole lot more frustrations.

I think the forum could have been proud to have been a safe haven for the growing number of women who are dealing with infertility. You could have provided a place where they didn't have to be judged. Instead, you made them leave because they were attacked for finding support for the first time on this horrible path.

Shame on you for tipping over a wonderful set of LTTCers. I came on to this forum hitting the 1 year mark and those ladies welcomed me gladly. They taught me about everything. I saw them come and welcome and commiserate with others coming in here. There are still so many lovely women here so I know new LTTCers will learn a lot and feel welcome. I hope they realize that there are many frustrations that come with the process and that they aren't the only ones that get those extreme feelings.

Infertility involves a grieving process. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It just so happened that a group of women found themselves helping each through their anger and depression and were punished for that.

I completely agree with everything Wonderstars has said. I came over here after over a year of trying as i didn't feel i belonged on the TTC pages as much. I never ventured over here until i felt it was right & i wouldn't go over to the pregnancy pages because i don't belong there & would probably just get upset.
Everyone needs to rant & get it out of their system & here seems the only place were you can do it & be able to talk to others that are going through the same thing. We've only been trying for 18months but my heart breaks everytime AF arrives.
Reading posts from others who have been trying for years & years helps me through the dark patches & has made me feel that i'm not the only one & yes one day it will happen & we will be the best parents because of how much we want it.

 

[tamithomas]

I started the original venting thread thinking this was a safe place to say everything I couldn't in real life and that, tbh, I would never think of saying to anyone's face. Everyone has a "moment" and when you live among the most fertile of people, you feel guilty and sad that no one else understands those moments. Over here I had that.

Do I understand what it's like to get up and pee every hour? Do I understand how difficult breastfeeding is? Do I understand what it's like to vomit every morning? No. However, do I go on their boards and pretend that I understand? Do I go in and comment on those who state they sometimes wonder what they got themselves into? Of course not, because guess what? That's what you say at the moment of frustration. It just so happens that LTTC brings about a whole lot more frustrations.

I think the forum could have been proud to have been a safe haven for the growing number of women who are dealing with infertility. You could have provided a place where they didn't have to be judged. Instead, you made them leave because they were attacked for finding support for the first time on this horrible path.

Shame on you for tipping over a wonderful set of LTTCers. I came on to this forum hitting the 1 year mark and those ladies welcomed me gladly. They taught me about everything. I saw them come and welcome and commiserate with others coming in here. There are still so many lovely women here so I know new LTTCers will learn a lot and feel welcome. I hope they realize that there are many frustrations that come with the process and that they aren't the only ones that get those extreme feelings.

Infertility involves a grieving process. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It just so happened that a group of women found themselves helping each through their anger and depression and were punished for that.

Agreed. The venting thread was awesome because it let us let our frustrations out such as anger, sadness, our bitterness to the lack of pregnancy (so fed up of pregnant women thinking it's them we're pissed off about..it's not, stop thinking the world revolves around you) even non related LTTC stuff.

It feels so unfair that the one place we felt safe and unjudged to get AWAY from the very same people that came and took it over, has now been closed. But such as life, at least we still have the website as a whole. I just hope that somewhere i nthe near future, BFP ladies will finally learn that we have a right to feel how we feel. It hurts even more when it's the LTTC BFP ladies who come over to give us crap about how we feel, you would think them out of all people would understand.

PS Wobbles, just wanna say you did the best you can. it's not the mods that suck, it's the situation that's all

 

[4magpies]

I think LTTTC should be a request access forum.

 

[Lawgirl]

I just want to post some support for wobbles. I think she did the best she could in the time she had available. I moderate forums and know how they can sometimes go mad and whilst you are busy trying to sort out the original problem, follow-up posts can create new ones. And from reading the closed thread it seems like she says that a new vent thread can be created. Which is good, because reading those threads helps me deal with the urge to throw things at people.

And, if we are requesting new sub boards, can I have one for 'no, I'm never going to have a baby ever' as I hate the ultra positive posts.

 

[AP]

I will close this thread now, and we will look into a follow up thread