can you ever get it right?

[laura109]

my 3 month old squeals when she does not get her own way. she has done this cry from birth. my mum kindly said today that shes not sure if its because she has been spoilt. my mum sees her once a week. she is held lots when we are out. but on days at home shes happy laid on her mat or sat in her chair. i buy her lots of clothes. but this is me spoiling her in a way she wont care about! she sleeps through the night. she sleeps well in the day. i think my mum is judging it on her clothes and the fact everyone got her toys when she was born. but we cant chuck them! plus shes our first baby and we enjoy her. i want to be more emotional with her than my mum was. i grew up not feeling i could show sadness infront of my mum so it matters to me shes feeling loved.

but anyway its always happening.

"dont give her a dummy"
"dont hold her to much"
"dont let her have a cot mobile shel never sleep"

yet my sister never buys her kids clothes. they have nevsr had there rooms decorated. they have no bedroom furniture. no bedtime routine. my mum tells her off because her kids are always at the farm they work at never at home.

can you win? my kids already a brat and my sisters know ds are deprived.

 

[caitlyn2009]

I promise your 3 month old is not a brat... She is not even capable of understanding that she is "spoiled". I still hold my 7 month old all the time at home or not. Sure people tell me I baby him and yes I do because he is a BABY. Don't let people get to you. You parent how you want to parent and everyone else can accept it.

 

[MindUtopia]

She isn't spoilt or a brat. She's a 3 month old baby. A 3 month old can't haven't wants or expect to 'get her own way'. All they know is what they need to survive. And they need love and cuddles and a safe place to sleep and food and warmth. Nothing else is important to them, so they don't notice if they have lots of toys. They don't notice their clothes. They definitely do notice if they are held and loved, and the best thing you can do to have a happy, content, non-clingy child is to hold and loved them and keep them close as much as you can when they are little. I'd ignore all this rubbish from your mum and other people. You can't spoil a baby. You can't hold them too much. Actually, the best way to make for a happy baby who doesn't cry too much is to hold them more, not less. But I think some people, and especially older folks, who parented in times when that wasn't considered as much the norm or as developmentally beneficial as it is today think it's bad to do all those things. But you can ignore them. They might be well-meaning (they might also be jealous that you are parenting in a way they wish they could have), but they aren't helpful at all. While we didn't take the approach of buying lots of toys or nice clothes (again, babies don't care, only some adults do), our daughter was held pretty much constantly until she was 4 months, she slept every nap on me until 8 months, and she still sleeps in our bed at night at 2 years, and she's the most confident, outgoing, non-clingy toddler you could imagine, well ahead developmentally according to her assessments, not spoilt at all, so don't feel pressured by people saying that sort of rubbish. You're doing a great job.

 

[bdb84]

You can't spoil a baby by holding and loving on her. You are meeting her needs. You are making her feel safe and loved. She's also not near an age to where she can be spoiled materialistically.

 

[laura109]

She isn't spoilt or a brat. She's a 3 month old baby. A 3 month old can't haven't wants or expect to 'get her own way'. All they know is what they need to survive. And they need love and cuddles and a safe place to sleep and food and warmth. Nothing else is important to them, so they don't notice if they have lots of toys. They don't notice their clothes. They definitely do notice if they are held and loved, and the best thing you can do to have a happy, content, non-clingy child is to hold and loved them and keep them close as much as you can when they are little. I'd ignore all this rubbish from your mum and other people. You can't spoil a baby. You can't hold them too much. Actually, the best way to make for a happy baby who doesn't cry too much is to hold them more, not less. But I think some people, and especially older folks, who parented in times when that wasn't considered as much the norm or as developmentally beneficial as it is today think it's bad to do all those things. But you can ignore them. They might be well-meaning (they might also be jealous that you are parenting in a way they wish they could have), but they aren't helpful at all. While we didn't take the approach of buying lots of toys or nice clothes (again, babies don't care, only some adults do), our daughter was held pretty much constantly until she was 4 months, she slept every nap on me until 8 months, and she still sleeps in our bed at night at 2 years, and she's the most confident, outgoing, non-clingy toddler you could imagine, well ahead developmentally according to her assessments, not spoilt at all, so don't feel pressured by people saying that sort of rubbish. You're doing a great job.

i totally agree. its impossible explaining new stuff to an older generation at times. they are convinced holding creates clingyness. toddlers do not want to be cuddled all day so even if they are clingy as babies they should be enjoyed. my mum does not see the need or point in the range of things available now. rather than her thinking i wish we had easier options she thinks its unnecessary.

also with the buying lots of baby clothes, it will stop soon. its just something ive enjoyed doing whilst shes tiny. when she stays in the same size longer ill buy less.

i just felt quite insulted that giving her a nice start in life is classed as spoiling her x

 

[superfrizbee]

She isn't spoilt or a brat. She's a 3 month old baby. A 3 month old can't haven't wants or expect to 'get her own way'. All they know is what they need to survive. And they need love and cuddles and a safe place to sleep and food and warmth. Nothing else is important to them, so they don't notice if they have lots of toys. They don't notice their clothes. They definitely do notice if they are held and loved, and the best thing you can do to have a happy, content, non-clingy child is to hold and loved them and keep them close as much as you can when they are little. I'd ignore all this rubbish from your mum and other people. You can't spoil a baby. You can't hold them too much. Actually, the best way to make for a happy baby who doesn't cry too much is to hold them more, not less. But I think some people, and especially older folks, who parented in times when that wasn't considered as much the norm or as developmentally beneficial as it is today think it's bad to do all those things. But you can ignore them. They might be well-meaning (they might also be jealous that you are parenting in a way they wish they could have), but they aren't helpful at all. While we didn't take the approach of buying lots of toys or nice clothes (again, babies don't care, only some adults do), our daughter was held pretty much constantly until she was 4 months, she slept every nap on me until 8 months, and she still sleeps in our bed at night at 2 years, and she's the most confident, outgoing, non-clingy toddler you could imagine, well ahead developmentally according to her assessments, not spoilt at all, so don't feel pressured by people saying that sort of rubbish. You're doing a great job.

I wad going to write a big log reply, but this says it all for me. By your mum's terms both of my kids are spoilt rotten.

 

[hanni]

Nope, not ever. Unless you're doing absolutely everything everyone else recommends all of the time someone will always have something to say!
I've been told the same, I apparently hold my son too much because he whinges to be picked up once he's been on his play mat for a while. I mean god forbid he get bored or hungry and want to be moved.
Someone recommended to me that I start feeding him rusk at 10 weeks old I didn't have to get up and feed him once a night and then was appalled when I told them I didn't mind getting up once and actually thought he was a great sleeper.
My mil asked if I'd started giving him juice yet and suggested we blend up Sunday dinners, poke a bigger hole in his teat and put them in his bottle like my OH had from 6 weeks old. She was then offended when I said it's not recommended to wean until 6 months.
I just laugh and say well you can do that with your next baby! You can't win with anyone so do what you think is best and bugger them!

 

[laura109]

its annoying. its not like im asking anyone else to put up with her. she is a good baby and she deserves everything she has. it would be nice to hear how well im doing or how lucky she is.

i cant be looked believe they are telling you to put food in his bottle. poor little thing lol. parenting back then was dodgy!!! thank god we are more educated now xx

 

[Googiepie]

You can't spoil a baby especially not with clothes or toys. Enjoy all the cuddles and being able to hold her, they grow so quickly. Don't worry what other people have to say. Even if you did everything everybody wanted you to, they'd still find something to complain about. You're her mother, do what you think is best. I usually just smile and nod, in one ear and out the other

 

[mel28nicole]

Is it sad that I can't take this seriously? Lol I'm really not trying to be rude but in no way, shape or form is your THREE MONTH old a brat

 

[laura109]

lol i know! the older generation believe from birth you must not over nurse a baby. she does not know how to be a brat. she loves cuddles and milk and occasionally wants to play lol xx

 

[LoveCakes]

Literally every choice you make will be wrong in someone's eyes. I realised this when pregnant and learnt to nod smile and ignore them then

 

[Zephram]

Is it sad that I can't take this seriously? Lol I'm really not trying to be rude but in no way, shape or form is your THREE MONTH old a brat

This is what I thought! The whole premise is ridiculous, a 3 month old baby hasn't the mental capability to even consider what spoiled might mean, let alone actually 'be' spoiled. Don't listen to your mum, in fact what you should do is tell her to stop being so critical. Holding your baby will help her grow up loved and secure, it will not turn her into a brat.

 

[laura109]

i know. i noticed when i was pregnant she was always putting her lip up when i said about things that obviously weren't around when she had us.
quite often she has said you don't need it!

i remember buying a nursing cushion. it was my best friend when i was pregnant. i use it now for feeding or my daughter sleeps on it... also wgen shes learning to sit it will go round her perfectly. i still remember my mum saying its unecessary.

to be fair to us my daughter ended up in a pavlik harness at 7 weeks. so all her tops and leggings and rompers were no good. we had to buy floaty dresses and bigger sleepsuits and skirts to cover her harness. so she has got alot because of that. it sounds abit shallow but i was determined that she would still look like a nicely dressed baby. ive already been robbed of bathing her and proper cuddles so it helped give me a positive focus. i did not see why my baby had to be different if you get me.

 

[SoupDragon]

to be fair to us my daughter ended up in a pavlik harness at 7 weeks. so all her tops and leggings and rompers were no good. we had to buy floaty dresses and bigger sleepsuits and skirts to cover her harness. so she has got alot because of that. it sounds abit shallow but i was determined that she would still look like a nicely dressed baby. ive already been robbed of bathing her and proper cuddles so it helped give me a positive focus. i did not see why my baby had to be different if you get me.

I'm sad that you've been made to feel bad about this...we haven't had anything like this but I understand what you are saying, and indeed why should she be any different? I remember seeing in a baby magazine while I was pregnant an article about pavlik harnesses and a mum who had made a range of clothing to fit babies in harnesses...the article specifically talked about the feelings of sadness of parents who can't put their babies in the newborn clothes they'd picked out...it's not just you! I hope your little girl's hips are ok now

As everyone has already said, you cannot possibly spoil a baby. At that age, they're oblivious to their clothes and most of their toys, and there's a boatload of good research showing that babies who are carried or held a lot of the time are more confident, secure, and cry a lot less as older babies and toddlers.

Your Mum has more experience of parenting than you, sure, but nobody has ever been your daughter's mother before. You raise her as you see fit!