Cannot get baby to sleep in pack n play or bassinet

[spunky84]

We've been trying, and he just won't do it. He'll only sleep if he's on us, next to us or in the swing, none of which are considered safe sleep practices.

I don't know what else to do to get him to sleep in his pack n play - if we try, he always wakes up crying after 10-20 minutes. I'm having a lot of anxiety about him sleeping in the swing and on/next to one of us. Like it's escalating to the point that I'm checking on him constantly, can't leave the room while he's sleeping even though dh is sleeping in there too. I feel like if I leave the room, something bad will happen. If he's on my husband and my husband is sleeping and I can't check the baby's breathing, I'll wake him to make sure he is.

Even when baby is napping and everyone is awake, I check on him probably every 10-15 minutes because I'm that anxious. I can't drive anywhere more than 10 minutes to make sure he's okay. We made a 3 hour round trip the last two weekends (with time in between the trip there and back). I seriously put my hand back there to check on him every 10 minutes. The one night I had to drive because my husband was too tired. I kept waking him every 15 minutes to check.

I know anxiety about this kind of thing is normal, but it's getting excessive for me and I'm in a panic pretty much 24/7. It's chest crushing anxiety.

I feel like if we could just get him to sleep in a safe spot, most of my anxiety would be reduced. I don't know how accurate it is, but I've read before that SIDS risk increases between 2-4 months, and as we're approaching 2 months, it's making it worse.

I'm on meds for PPD, so it may have something to do with that, but the anxiety has gotten worse since starting meds, so I think it has less to do with PPD than being actually worried about his safety during sleep. Well, not directly related to the meds. It's been progressively getting worse since he was born. I worried about the same stuff with DD, but nothing like this.

Bottom line is, he needs to sleep in his pack n play or bassinet.

ETA: He also spits up loads. I mean, it's gotten better since he was put on alimentum, but there's still quite a bit (and cries as soon as he does). Sometimes he'll continue to spit up for a few hours after a feeding regardless of how upright we feed him or how long we kept him upright afterwards. He absolutely sucks at burping, but even with good burps he still spits up a lot. Another thing I worry about is him being on his back, spitting up, and not being able to get it out and we're all sleeping.

 

[tulip1975]

When my LO was that age, he couldn't do the bassinet very well either. My best results came from swaddling him and laying him on a softer surface until he went to sleep, and then I would move him to harder safer surface. The more he could move, the more he seems to agitate himself. That moro reflex makes it difficult for young infants to sleep well on their backs, IMO.

 

[d_b]

I wouldn't worry about the swing, my kids all slept more in the swing than anywhere else for the first 6 months! DD takes all her naps in her swing and spends about half the night in it.

 

[MindUtopia]

I think baby not wanting to sleep anywhere but on or next to you or in something moving is very, very normal (my daughter slept once in her moses basket for 20 minutes and that was it!). But you're right, your anxiety about it isn't. I would get yourself back to your doctor and talk about how you're feeling and see if they can adjust your treatment so you feel better. It shouldn't get worse before it gets better. That said, sleeping on you is perfectly safe (and actually clinical research has shown it's actually safer and promotes brain development better than sleeping without you), but that's assuming you're awake. So during the day, totally fine. If it helps and it decreases your anxiety to know he's close and safe, do it. Get a wrap. It will make it easier. As for nights, when obviously it's not safe for your LO to sleep on your chest if you're going to sleep, you can find a way to co-sleep safely. There is no correlation between safe co-sleeping and SIDS risk. The correlation really exists between falling asleep with your baby (which tends to happen when people are too afraid to co-sleep that they try to sit up on a sofa and stay awake holding their baby and then fall asleep out of pure exhaustion) and SIDS. Of course, this would depend on if you are on medications that might affect your sleep (like sedatives for anxiety). I wouldn't sleep with baby in the bed in that case, but you can still find ways to sleep closer more safely. Attaching a crib to your bed, so baby is within touching distance on the same plane, but in a separate space is one option. You might consider trying that if you are comfortable with it. Also, co-sleeping meant I noticed every little thing she did, so if she had spit up or vomit in the night (both of which have happens), because I was right there, I woke right up and could intervene, which wouldn't have been as easy if we were sleeping separately. Co-sleeping just made a world of difference to us and I honestly don't know how people cope without it! Otherwise, yes, the swing is totally fine for daytime use. I wouldn't feel comfortable using it overnight or anything that wasn't flat personally, but for daytime naps, totally fine as long as you are keeping an eye on him. My daughter used to have some daytime naps in her swing so I could take a break from holding her to pump. But do take care of yourself and make sure you get some added support with your anxiety because you shouldn't have to feel this way.

 

[staralfur]

I don't think I've ever known anyone to have a newborn that slept happily in a bassinet or crib! It's very, very normal. I know everyone pushes cosleeping as being unsafe but I really wish they'd re-think their approach and tell mothers how to cosleep afely rather than just say "never do it". I'm not sure how practical it is to insist that all newborns be put in a sleeping arrangement they're more than likely going to hate.

Anyway, there are ways to safely cosleep and while it terrified me at first it didn't take long to adjust and soon I was less comfortable with her sleeping on her on than I was if she was next to me in bed. Though as a pp said, if you're on medication you might be best going with the swing. My LO never took to sleeping in a swing but I know of moms whose babies slept in their swing for months (until they got too big, really).

I would definitely go back to the doctor and speak with them about your anxiety. Yes, it's normal to worry about this stuff to some extent but it sounds like what you're experiencing is beyond the scope of normal. It sounds like you're having a tough time and I hope your doctor can find a way to help you.

 

[lomelly]

My girl slept in her swing from about 2 weeks to 3.5 months... For mostly all sleep. She would. Not. Sleep. Otherwise. So I did that

 

[Scout]

It's rough. My dd wouldn't sleep in her bassinet, pack n play, or crib. I did go and buy her a taggies snuggle sleep (similar to the newborn napper ) and I could occasionally get 3 hours sleep out of her. I ended up looking up the guidelines for safe cosleeping and did that until she was 17 months. If baby is sleeping in the swing, then baby would sleep in the swing! My daughter slept in her swing for 2 weeks when she had colic. It was the only way I could get her to stop crying. Good luck. I remember those early months and how hard it was, especially since baby wouldn't sleep and I was always worried about her.

 

[MrsC10]

Our LO wouldn't sleep in her basket at first. We used one of my used tops over her mattress so she could smell me. We also put a rolled up towel at the bottom so the space was smaller, swaddled and elevated her head (she suffered from mucus and colic in the early days).
It all helped tremendously. As time went on, we removed each item one by one until all that was left is swaddling.

 

[Calitwins]

Our babies also would not sleep in the pack n play or bassinet. The only thing we had luck with were rock n plays. The challenge we ran into is that they got too big for the rock n plays at 3 months and we had to transition them to their cribs. The thing that worked for us were SwaddleMe's, musical mobiles and a few other routines. If you're interested in all the details, I wrote up a summary for some of my friends who are also dealing with this issue. It's certainly hard to find the perfect routine. Good luck mama! https://www.theydontfeedthemselves.com/transitioning-twins-to-cribs/