Can't believe this is happening to me

[Mimi80]

Am sitting here at work, trying to fight back the tears...guess I just need to get it of my chest.

Me and FOB have been together for over 11 years, we've had our ups and downs, but always managed to keep it together. My problem was a low sex drive, his was a bad temper. We've had many discussions about both topics over the years and maybe in a way just accepted the facts.
I think me getting pregnant (which was planned and very much wanted) was maybe a subconscious attempt to keep it together. Pregnancy was good, labour bad, but my little girl made everything better. I changed sooo much after she was born, while his life more or less stayed the same. I focused on her, he focused on his work. Got to the point where we ignored eachother, or got annoyed with eachother.
Some 2 weeks ago he broke the news that he couldn't go on living like this anymore. He still loves me, but doesn't have feelings of excitement etc for me. I am unhappy as well, but was willing to stay together for Amélie's sake. He doesn't want that and think it will be better for her to have separated (hopefully) happy parents instead of miserable parents that are together.
She turned 1 last week and I was in agony about the situation the entire time. We threw a huuuge party and I somehow managed to stay composed, but I'm falling apart now.
We've sort of agreed that he would stay at our home (since he has no place to go and I can't afford to keep the house anyway) and I would stay at my mom's (who takes care of Amélie 3,5 days a week while I work) for the time being. He thinks that he might change his mind about giving it another go once he realises I'm gone. Amélie will go back and forth between us.
Can't bare to think about packing my things and leaving my home and the thought of spending a night without my little girl absolutely kills me.
He is very reasonable about helping me out in every way he can, which maybe even worse because I can't hate him...

Well, this wasn't a very wise move, since I'm in tears now and have been trying to hide how awful I feel at work all day (not very successful I might add).

Does someone know how to handle this, especially regarding Amélie? Will it damage her going back and forth, or is she too young to realise the situation.

Anyway, thank you for reading...

 

[billy2mm]

i dont have any advice other than have you thought bout conselling?

 

[Mimi80]

i dont have any advice other than have you thought bout conselling?

Thanks for the hug
I was willing to do everything, but he has lost hope and says the only thing that might make him change his mind is being separated for a while.

 

[chels24uk]

give the seperation a go hun. It will help clear both your heads, although I know it will be killing you inside. Id say ask for a set amount of time to re-access the situation or your just going to be strung along. If hes forced into anything then it may make him resent you. i wouldnt worry about your little girl, she'll be fine. My son has totaly suprised me with how well he has taken his dad hardly being around any more after 5 years of being in his life daily. kids suprise you.
Im sorry this has happened... just give it time *hugs*

 

[lal]

It is so much harder when they are "nice" about it. My FOB was a total jerk while I was pregnant, and now he is around and very friendly and very good with our baby. I have such a hard time separating my bitterness at him from my concern for our son's well-being. Odds are your daughter will be fine, but if you are uncomfortable and he is sympathetic, maybe see if he will wait on overnights as long as possible (I'm hoping not until my son is 3 years old...). If he is really trying to be compassionate and that is really what you want, he might be willing, especially if you are easygoing as far as him seeing her as he likes otherwise. I'm sorry you are in this situation. I know how painful it is when a child is involved. It will work itself out though, whether it seems that way or not, and from the sound of it you and he have a good chance to end up together eventually. I would just give him his space and more, try to remember "absence makes the heart grow fonder", if that is what you want.

 

[Mommi2Be]

I'm sorry you're dealing with this... but just look at your beautiful little girl and remember how fortunate you are to have her! I'm not sure what you should do about the situation. Counseling may work, but only if you are both willing to try to make it work.

 

[Marlarky]

i am going through the same thing hun and my baby is only1 month old. its so hard isnt it? stay composed, your daughter will be fine but one day she will have many questions and youdont want to be unprepared for that. msg me if u ever want to talk since we are going through the same situation xx

 

[Mimi80]

Thank you all for your support.
Yesterday we worked out the days she would stay with me and be with him. Feel like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster. One moment I am crying and feeling sorry for my girl, the other moment I want to smash his brain out for ripping our family apart, then I understand him and start getting all practical about it.
The good thing is that my mother is very supportive and she will take us in as long as I need and her boyfriend even offered up his apartment to us which I'm very grateful for. I've told it at work, so I don't have to continue to pretend everything is ok.
Haven't told my dad yet and am afraid to, because my sister is going through a similar thing (although she got pregnant 1 month after meeting a guy and split up during her pregnancy-I was always the stable sensible daughter) and I'm afraid he will get a heart-attack. So hard to talk about it to people, can't stand the look of pity...
@Malarky, thank you so much for the offer, will surely take you up on it!
Pffff, it's so hard...