Can't bring myself to be "mechanical" about BDing...

[stiletto_mom]

DH and I visited the doctor and everything checks out so far (blood, urine, ultrasound and SA all back normal). We've been TTCing and now on our 9th cycle.

The doctor said it's a very mechanical process. Wait 10 days after AF and then BD every other day until AF shows again... Because I have a retroverted uterus, I was told to go doggy, and lay down for a few minutes afterward. But this seems all so ... BORING.

We've been together 14 years, and our relationship has ALWAYS been passionate. But TTCing really is zapping all the fun out of it and I can't seem to DTD when we're not in the mood. We just don't want to...

It's probably what's messing up our chances, but it really seems like a chore when it never used to be. It used to be naughty, playful and exciting. I don't want to lose that... or rather, I want to go back to that.

What are the ways you ladies and gents are coping with the "mechanical" part of TTC?

 

[Libbystepof4]

Lingerie. Lol
I started taking a Maca supplement. It boosts my libido. It seems to actually, work, too.
I'm sorry but what is a retroverted uterus? I've never heard of that. I don't get out much. Lol

 

[ireadyermind]

We have the same issue. Not only that, but DH's job is sometimes very stressful and that doesn't bode well for BDing either! It's really difficult to get him in the mood when he's had a rough day. Since we can't control what sorts of problems crop up at work (DH is a software developer and often has to deal with unexpected server crashes, coding errors, and ridiculous requests from customers that his team is expected to handle regardless of their plausibility...), it's really difficult to stick to a plan of BDing every other day for weeks -- especially when my cycles are becoming erratic!

What I've been trying to do is spice things up for DH. I know that for me, really all I need is some lubricant and I can BD any time if needs be, but it's not the same for him. Lingerie, racy text messages, new couples toys... they help, but there are just days when nothing we try gets DH into the right mindset for sex.

Soooo I started using OPKs again, and I let our BD rhythms be natural up until I expect to O. And once I get a positive OPK, then we make sure to BD the day of, and at least every other day after for a few days.

Otherwise it turns sex into a chore that can be as stressful as anything else we worry about during the week. Sigh.

 

[Autumnflower]

Oh I feel the same way lately. It's interesting because normally I have the stronger libido in our relationship but now that we are trying to conceive my dh is the one who is ready and willing whenever and I'm the one who is just not into it. There is something incredibly un -sexy about having scheduled intercourse or knowing you have to have sex these days... Its becoming a real chore for me which is so sad. We have way better sex after o because it isn't scheduled and its not for any purpose other than our enjoyment.Unfortunately i haven't found a solution to fix the whole chore mentality but hopefully this thread gets some good ideas!

 

[ireadyermind]

I have read that watching movies that contain sex scenes (not necessarily porn, just a steamy scene thrown in as part of the plot) has a good effect on libido. Supposedly seeing someone else DTD makes our brains desire to one-up those people and do a better job... something along those lines.

So in essence, "Anything you can do, I can do better!" applies with steamy movie scenes/porn too. lol

 

[BabyIntegers]

Hugs.

We learned this lesson a couple of weeks ago. When we think of BD, it causes performance anxiety for my DH. He is 45. I am 31. This is our first cycle ttc.

How I've learned to deal with it is I tell him when I get a positive opk but that's it. The days leading up and the days after, I get all dolled up (my DH is verrrrry visual), I do my hair etc, I make him dinner and I just make sure I'm in a really super good mood.

I also wake him in the morning with surprises. So, all in all, I find it much better if only one of us (me) is attempting to BD but he just thinks I can't get enough of his man parts. In reality, I can't get enough of him ....but

What I'm trying to say is I don't get performance anxiety nor do I feel like it's a chore unless I'm very tired from work. So, I do what I can to turn him on, etc and make it really fun for him. I end up getting turned on and having fun too. I hope I made sense lol.

 

[MagicDance]

Hey Girls

It is so stressful isnt it?! Me and my Dh have been together 10 years this month, but we have only been TTC since January.

We keep things fun and light hearted also very spontaneous around the house I always insist on massages and we treat ourselves from the lush shop to unwind together.
I too have been following the SMEP method and it is hard going at times. My hubby works nights and thats when it tends to be more of a chore because I know how tired he is, I just make sure he knows Im not taking him for granted lol.

 

[KatO79]

I hear ya'

DH and I have been trying for almost 1 year and 9 months and are on our 6th IUI (will happen on Friday; last chance before starting IVF in October). The last 2 months we've just been taking it more relaxed and seeing what happens. We've dropped all planned BDing and just aim for him not going longer than 3-5 days before the IUI so he's at his optimal for the IUI and have fun before that.

The whole planned BDing really kills the romance and fun plus it almost makes things harder when you get a BFN (especially if you've been doing planned BDing for months on end). I'd say start BDing once AF is over and just see what happens.

 

[TinyLynne]

It has been totally rough, but my DH is a champ. He wants a baby really bad, and he will do what it takes even if he is sick. (Gross.... But we do what we gotta do, lol). But I just feel bad! Like, this used to be fun! So I started leaving a bra on the door handle at home, leaving a trail of clothes to me... And once I did a 'come and find me' pic with a provocative picture. (I was in the car, lol) we try doing it new places. I also started sending him texts throughout the day to get him thinking about it. These things have all helped us out, but in the end, we both know that it is just trying to cover up the 'mechanics' that it really is.

Hopefully we don't have to keep on like this too much longer!

 

[DobbyForever]

I know the feeling! Honestly, I just keep SO out of the loop. His knowledge of my cycles ended when we agreed to pull out my iud. He knows when AF is here because I give him a heads up so he knows when he can't get any, but he has too much on his plate to track my cycles. If he's not in the mood (usually a non issue until this month), I'll bring out the big guns like lingerie, a video I know he would like, fantasy talk, role play... if that all fails, I buy a new toy. If that still doesn't work, I know it's real and I need to back off. Luckily, I get insanely horny around O anyway so it's never out of the ordinary from his perspective. I do all my opks and bbts long before he wakes up and toss them in the garbage on my way to my car. I leave for work a solid 2-3 hours before him. I also don't skimp on the non-baby making variants of sex, so while it may hurt our conception chances he doesn't feel like a sperm factory.

 

[ireadyermind]

I know the feeling! Honestly, I just keep SO out of the loop. His knowledge of my cycles ended when we agreed to pull out my iud. He knows when AF is here because I give him a heads up so he knows when he can't get any, but he has too much on his plate to track my cycles. If he's not in the mood (usually a non issue until this month), I'll bring out the big guns like lingerie, a video I know he would like, fantasy talk, role play... if that all fails, I buy a new toy. If that still doesn't work, I know it's real and I need to back off. Luckily, I get insanely horny around O anyway so it's never out of the ordinary from his perspective. I do all my opks and bbts long before he wakes up and toss them in the garbage on my way to my car. I leave for work a solid 2-3 hours before him. I also don't skimp on the non-baby making variants of sex, so while it may hurt our conception chances he doesn't feel like a sperm factory.

That's the way I approach it. Though this last month I told DH that I was taking OPKs and that he might need to come home from work for a quickie one day. Apparently that was exciting enough all on its own that it really helped with the arousal factor. lol!

 

[DobbyForever]

New and exciting is always good. Especially when it has a hint of deviance to it like you said with new places and missing work a bit hehe.