can't control himself when he gets upset

[mylittlebubs]

lo is a sensitive boy and if he gets upset he would cry for a long time (sometimes 10-15 minutes ) and doesn;t know how to stop.

i usually i have to distract him or bribe him like, "don't cry, you can watch peppa pig if you stop crying " "if you stop crying you can have ice cream after your lunch"c

in the last few days he seems to get very sensitive and would cry about some little things like when we tell him to brush his teeth, or to shower, tonight he cried because he wanted us to carry him to the car after we left our friends's house and it's only 3-4 meters away from the car

i know he gets grumpy and more sensitive when he's tired or hungry but i think he 's too sensitive about certain things

 

[v2007]

TBH I think bribing him is feeding the crying.

You say he is sensitive but he is crying when you ask him to brush his teeth so if he cries he gets something he wouldnt normally ie reward.

I would distract him only when he is genuinely upset ie hurt himself etc but not when he has to have a bath, get dressed etc.

Sorry if that sounds awful, i don't mean it to

V xxx

 

[Dizzy321]

I agree with V, he is probably doing it so he can get an ice cream etc

Maybe try ignore the bad behaviour and reward the good behavior instead of him getting nice things when he cries etc.............

 

[mylittlebubs]

TBH I think bribing him is feeding the crying.

You say he is sensitive but he is crying when you ask him to brush his teeth so if he cries he gets something he wouldnt normally ie reward.

I would distract him only when he is genuinely upset ie hurt himself etc but not when he has to have a bath, get dressed etc.

Sorry if that sounds awful, i don't mean it to

V xxx

he normally doesn;t like to shower, brush teeth, gets dressed
he always says NO NO NO NO
but sometimes when he's tired or something he would cry (not all the time)
and once he starts crying it's hard to stop (it's been a long time) but recently we feel like he should be able to control himself because he's 3 now
when i ask him to do this things and if he cries he still have to do it, but he would keep crying for a long time like i said so i would try to calm him down or to stop crying after a while, so i might say these things...

i don't know when they supposed to be able to control themselves. oh is very impatient when lo cries too

 

[hattiehippo]

Tbh 3 is still very little and I wouldn't expect a 3 yr old to be able to control their emotions yet. If he gets frustrated because you want him to something he doesn't want to (clean teeth etc) or he's upset he is going to cry alot at his age.

I would stop offering him bribes to stop crying because he will learn to cry to get the reward andkeep going with distracting him when possible or try calmly repeating what you need tohim to do etc and let him get his anger out by crying.

I know its not easy when you just want them to calm down but crying and being angry is a normal part of growing up and doesn't mean he's over sensitive.

 

[hel_5]

well Lucy turns on the tears - has done for ages - I think its because i then feel sorry for her and used to give in to the tears. Now if she is crying over something silly e.g. not wanting to eat her vegetables! I get really tough with her - explain that it is not something to cry over and she can either stop crying and finish eating or I will take away something eg no tv/bed ealy/no bedtime story. And thinking about it she hasnt done the tears thing for a little while now!

 

[mylittlebubs]

Tbh 3 is still very little and I wouldn't expect a 3 yr old to be able to control their emotions yet. If he gets frustrated because you want him to something he doesn't want to (clean teeth etc) or he's upset he is going to cry alot at his age.

I would stop offering him bribes to stop crying because he will learn to cry to get the reward andkeep going with distracting him when possible or try calmly repeating what you need tohim to do etc and let him get his anger out by crying.

I know its not easy when you just want them to calm down but crying and being angry is a normal part of growing up and doesn't mean he's over sensitive.

Thanks a lot
I know this is my first child and all the time mil,fil would comment that he should be able to calm himself down much better at this age. Oh starts to think the same and I think it got me thinking if I've done something wrong because I'm ok to see him get upset and cry but after a while of commenting it made me feel bad

Thanks again for everyone for the advice

 

[red balloon]

Don't worry - it's really normal. You could maybe try verbalising his emotions, and it might help him to make sense of what is going on in his head, and eventually to begin to express his feelings in a different way - e.g. When he starts to cry or make a fuss, say "You feel sad/angry/cross about brushing your teeth". Reassure him it's ok to feel that way (feelings aren't wrong, it's how they lead to behaviour that can be a problem) but explain he still has to have his teeth brushed because of whatever reason you are giving. It can be a bit of a long term strategy, but effective. Also lots of talk generally about feelings - e.g. drawing happy/sad faces, noticing 'oh, playing with you car makes you happy', 'doesn't that little girl look sad', etc.

You could maybe give him some choices about whatever it is he doesn't want to do - e.g. does he want to use the green toothbrush or the yellow toothbrush.

 

[JASMAK]

What's wrong with him crying? If you don't want him to cry, you are denying him to express his feelings. Let him cry. Give him a hug even.

 

[beatnick]

hi hun. zakk is really like this. he gets really out of control. i have been seeking advice on this matter from friends and nursery staff.

you have 2 options.

PREVENT: Distract him with things...like pointing at stuff and making over the top excited gestures at things

IGNORE: This is tough. but it does work. Dont look at him when he does it. ignore him. I noticed a while back that when zakk started to cry he was peeking up from burying his face in the floor to see my reaction.

I have started ignoring him when he does it and gradually the stroppy tears last less and less time. Sometimes only a minute. They he gets up and carrys on playing.

I know you pain. but a bit like sleep training stuff you have to teach him that his behaviour will not get what he wants. or he will always do it.

i have an ex boyfriend who clearly threw strops as a baby and was given LOADS of attention. as an adult (i use the term loosly) he was sooo stroppy and would loose his temper all the time. his reaction to everything he didnt like was to flair up and go mad and slam doors. its like it was the only way he knew how to get what he wanted.

Idiot.

Anyway.... try the ignoring. it works.

 

[mylittlebubs]

Don't worry - it's really normal. You could maybe try verbalising his emotions, and it might help him to make sense of what is going on in his head, and eventually to begin to express his feelings in a different way - e.g. When he starts to cry or make a fuss, say "You feel sad/angry/cross about brushing your teeth". Reassure him it's ok to feel that way (feelings aren't wrong, it's how they lead to behaviour that can be a problem) but explain he still has to have his teeth brushed because of whatever reason you are giving. It can be a bit of a long term strategy, but effective. Also lots of talk generally about feelings - e.g. drawing happy/sad faces, noticing 'oh, playing with you car makes you happy', 'doesn't that little girl look sad', etc.

You could maybe give him some choices about whatever it is he doesn't want to do - e.g. does he want to use the green toothbrush or the yellow toothbrush.

Yesterday I bought a story book about the bad wolf with black teeth , and told him the story about brushing teeth,why we have to do it and let him count the teeth in the book (he loves counting ) ,also told him how to brush the teeth. Last night though he wanted to do by himself I managed to finish off after he did it

 

[parisa]

lo is a sensitive boy and if he gets upset he would cry for a long time (sometimes 10-15 minutes ) and doesn;t know how to stop.

i usually i have to distract him or bribe him like, "don't cry, you can watch peppa pig if you stop crying " "if you stop crying you can have ice cream after your lunch"c

in the last few days he seems to get very sensitive and would cry about some little things like when we tell him to brush his teeth, or to shower, tonight he cried because he wanted us to carry him to the car after we left our friends's house and it's only 3-4 meters away from the car

i know he gets grumpy and more sensitive when he's tired or hungry but i think he 's too sensitive about certain things

Hi honey
I am a licensed Early Childhood Educator. I have been working with children for over 12 years. Have u noticed that since u have started to bribe LO, he has become even more sensitive???? hmmmmm....why do u think that is happening? Because he has learnt that when he cries, he gets yummy treats. Trust me, kids are super super smart. They can be quite manipulative too. So, since he has been given yummy treats and he gets things he wants when he gets upset, he has figured that "hey, I can start to get upset over everything, and make such a big fuss and cry my eyes out over everything....and the treats shall keep comin! This is a great life!!!"
So, since every child hates taking baths, brushing teeth, he has learnt that all he has to do is cry. And when he cries....DO NOT show a reaction, The more sensitive u become to his cries, the more he will do it. I know most moms can not stand to see their LO being upset. That is very natural. However, brushing teeth and baths are a necessity, and should be a rule and that is that. If you want my suggestion: be a tad bit more firm with him and let him no that there is absolutely no negotiating for those things. Acually there should be no negotiating for anything!!! Never say: i will give u this, if u do that. That creates horrible, horrible habits.
I wish u the best of luck, I am sure everything will be fine once the bribes stop and once u put ur foot down.....firmly. It just takes lots and lots of practice!!!

Love,
Parisa