Can't shake early pregnancy fear

[Fliss]

I'm almost 14 weeks pregnant with #2.

With #1 I was excited and looking forward to every new stage.

With this one, I know more and it seems a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

I now know I have stage 4 endometriosis with completely blocked tubes. My risk of ectopic pregnancy and/or miscarriage was therefore exponentially higher than "normal"

I had pain and bleeding early on - but a viability scan showed a bean with a heartbeat in the right place.

Still couldn't relax.

We had the 12 week scan and Peanut was wriggling away and bang on target for dates.

I've had more morning sickness nausea than last time (which is starting to ease up) but I can't shake worry.

I know I'm unlikely to feel many kicks because of endometrial scarring.

I just want to enjoy my last pregnancy but I can't.

My next appointment is with the midwife at 16 weeks so can't see myself relaxing til then and I'm quite frankly boring myself!

I don't know what the point of this is really other than to vent.

 

[tina426]

Hi Fliss,

I can't be of too much help - I'm a first timer, low risk (or at least no known risks), 16+3,and still anxious. For what it's worth, you're not alone in your worry, and from what they tell us we're at the point where we really should relax! Easier said than done!

 

[2have4kids]

I think what you're feeling is really common, especially with the lucky ltttc ladies who wind up getting pregnant. We tried for 6 years, 3 IUI's, 2 regular IVF's and 4 donor egg ivf's. We were on the adoption list and going to try a 7th donor egg IVF when I fell pregnant naturally. The emotions were pretty crazy. At first disbelief, i haven't produced eggs in at least 6 years even at the highest IVF gonadotropin drug levels, then I was angry that this will be screwing up the timing of our 7th IVF (how irrational was that!) We have to plan our trips to Europe to do donor egg IVF since Canada doesn't allow fresh donor ivf's. I though for sure that I'd mc because my eggs are not good and was not wanting to deal with another mc or d&c. Then fear that I wouldn't make it to the 12 week stage. Then when I did there was nothing logical left to fear! So I kind of shook my head and focussed my energy into preparing the nursery and getting really great top rated baby things that we decided we want at bargain deals (my colleague and I are super competitive this way lol). I've felt much better about everything since I've allowed myself to prepare for baby and so far all the scans indicate a super healthy active baby.

Try to focus on positive things, do you have a list of things you need to get? Have you announced yet (we waited till 20 weeks as I only started showing at 22/23 weeks). Are you finding out the gender? I learned to knit to kill time in first tri and am knitting a little red & white Christmas sleep sack/mittens/booties & toque (Canadian winters are very cold)! I've also set up a really talented photographer for mat & newborn photos. Who knows if I'll get another go at this? Try to stay happy and think positively. In our adoption class there were so many mothers who won't allow themselves any pleasure until they have baby in their arms. They literally don't even have a car seat never mind crib or sleepers for baby as they've suffered so much grief they won't let their mind acknowledge they will have a guaranteed baby at some point. Do allow yourself some joy in this pregnancy - you are very very fortunate! xx

 

[tina426]

I'm sorry for the challenges you've faced -and so happy you're here again!

Haha thank you for the ideas! My poor dh is having a really hard time emphasizing!

I have a little bit of a list going. I'm trying to keep busy/distracted -my mom is coming to visit this week and we're planning to talk shower a little, then i have a week of travel for work, then a 19 week appointment, then 20 wks we'll find out gender. That takes us to the end of July. I'm hoping at that point I'll feel a little more confident. We've told most people, a lot of coworkers don't know, and it is getting to the point that it's kind of funny because there are a lot of days i am showing and I'm waiting for the first person brave enough to ask! Ha. I feel better even thinking about it! I think it's just been a long boring rainy weekend here giving me too much time to stew.

 

[star25]

I understand your feelings, my worst time was between 14-16 weeks waiting to hear heartbeat again, was so sure something would be wrong, then I was ok for a week or so then the worry came back until my scan at 19+2 where we found out were having a girl, I'm so shocked as was sure baby was a boy that it seems to have taken away the worry, the excitement of now knowing takes over all the worry and I'm now finally enjoying being pregnant, hope it's the same for you too xx