Children under 5 shouldn't sleep over at Dad's...

[Kate&Lucas]

I hate generalisations like this so much. Where exactly get her information from? Who are these parents??

I vividly remember the decisions regarding co-parenting in the early days, it was heart breaking and a lot of work to come up with something that centered around Lucas and how to make it fair for him. It's been a gradual process and is even now, (we just upped it to the occasional two-night after okay-ing it with him). And he LOVES staying with his Dad, it's part of his routine and he's very comfortable with it, they co-sleep the same as we do too. I can't imagine him being happier with an arrangement that didn't involve staying over, but if he asked for it to stop it'd stop.
God it fucks me off when people assume it's done out of selfishness. Has she ever been in the situation I wonder?

 

[pinklizzy]

I didn't read the original article posted here but heard the author on the radio this morning and I think some of what she had written was taken out of context. From what I heard (admittedly while trying to get baby to sleep!) was much more like the situation KateandLucas described with a gradual process centred around the child's needs, rather than an arbitrary x-number of nights being set out and the child having to fit in with what was decided. I also thought she was saying the overnights were under 3yrs but I may have misheard that bit.
She did say that her own parents divorced and they dealt with it by sending her to boarding school!

 

[JASMAK]

I think it would come as a bit of a shock to a child if they did not stay with dad if parents aren't living together etc and then at 5 they suddenly start. they need to be able to build relationship with both parents from the start

No one is saying they shouldn't have a relationship with the father?

 

[Quackquack99]

Absolutely ridiculous. If I waited til Summer was five then I think she would have had a harder time adjusting to it. Now she knows its part of her routine and she absolutely loves going to her dads. He gets to have cuddles and read bedtime stories just like I do. I dont understand why some just expect mums to do everything. A fathers involvement is very important to me, I believe children should spend quality time with both parents.

 

[Noodlebear]

Depends on the child (and the father). If me and OH split I'd have no issue with Lucas staying overnight because I know they'd both be fine.
If a kid got totally distraught when they had to go see their dad I think it'd pretty unfair on said child to force them to go each and every time. (hopefully any caring father would take it at their child's pace rather than being selfish). Parent's 'needs' should never come first, we're big enough and ugly enough to understand the situation and have some empathy, young children are not.

 

[shanny]

Absolutely ridiculous. If I waited til Summer was five then I think she would have had a harder time adjusting to it. Now she knows its part of her routine and she absolutely loves going to her dads. He gets to have cuddles and read bedtime stories just like I do. I dont understand why some just expect mums to do everything. A fathers involvement is very important to me, I believe children should spend quality time with both parents.

That's what I was trying to say

 

[Mummy Bean]

As others have said it can only be looked at on a case by case basis. What about situations where the mother is unfit?

My dad won full custody of me before my 1st birthday with only supervised visits with my mum - she never did anything 'wrong' per se just a useless mother. - but i appreciate this is an un-usual case.

every child and parent relationship has different dynamics to consider. I am sure there was story recently of a mother being told the fob could have the child for more then 4hrs at a time even though she was EBFing ( I believe the child was under a yr old) and the judge made her give the child formula which is a clear case of putting parents needs first before childs.

 

[lhancock90]

See i watched this lady on This Morning and what she actually said was, when men go for access when they have spent no time with the child before that point. She said that time should be spent building the relationship up before overnight stays.

 

[pinklizzy]

See i watched this lady on This Morning and what she actually said was, when men go for access when they have spent no time with the child before that point. She said that time should be spent building the relationship up before overnight stays.

That's what I got from it when I heard her on the radio, a lot of what she said sounded quite fair which was why I thought the article was a bit misleading.

 

[Noodlebear]

Not at all surprised that a newspaper article twisted someone's words.

 

[Pearls18]

She was promoting her book and This morning picked up on the under 5 bit even though she said it was a minute part of the book, and although it was exaggerated and a lot of what she said was reasonable she did use the term under 5s and that mothers are the primary care givers so when you make a statement like that, even if applicable to 95% of the population, it will get jumped on and then exaggerated!