mama2bejula
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- Joined
- Nov 2, 2010
- Messages
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I just came here to vent. I hope you all don't mind. I am currently 31 weeks pregnant with our third child, a girl. I have a four yr old girl and a one yr old boy that I love dearly. In each pregnancy I have had cholestasis. Google it if you're not sure what that is. Basically what you need to know is that it causes intense and sometimes debilitating itching that begins in the 3rd trimester, occurs all over the body, all the time, and doesn't go away until you have the baby. (At least it DOES go away, praise God!) In my last two pregnancies (my son, and this one currently) I have had insulin-dependent gestational diabetes. Those two things are enough to drive anyone crazy. I also have moderate iron-deficient anemia but I refuse to take an iron supplement b/c I hate them, and I feel that my prenatal vitamin will get me through. I suffer some exhaustion from it but it's hard to tell where the exhaustion comes from, because a) I'm in 3rd trimester which brings exhaustion normally; b) I'm gestational diabetic which can also bring about fatigue from fluctuating blood sugars; c) I have cholestasis and another side effect of that is, you guessed it, exhaustion; and d) I have two other children to take care of so I can't just take naps all day long and catch up on my rest, they way I could've when I was pregnant with my first.
I live miles and miles from family so there's no help, really. I have friends that come and help once in awhile but I don't feel right asking for regular help b/c all my friends also have children to take care of and lives of their own.
On top of all this, I've always been particularly sensitive to hormone fluctuations and it really REALLY affects my moods. I get angry and irrational, weepy and despondent, and then happy and hopeful once in awhile, before I start back on the cycle of moods. I also have post-partum depression to look forward to; it has happened with each pregnancy and it takes me a bit longer each time to recover. With my first, it took about six months to feel normal again. With my second, my son, it took me a year. I am scared about how long it might take with this third (and final) pregnancy. I very much look forward to my baby girl's arrival and I love her already but I do NOT look forward to the hormone roller coaster that seems to have already started in some ways.
I feel like a complete mess. My house is in disarray, with lack of organization and it needs cleaning at all times, which I know is common to all of us moms with small children...I just get plagued with guilt over the look of the house and I feel like I can't even have people over; it's so bad. My mind is a jumble. I can't remember much of anything. I have all these appointments every week to go to, because of my complications, etc. and it interrupts the routine I have with my children that I'm desperately trying to set into place to make life go more smoothly once the baby is born. I home school and I can't even get a decent week's worth of school in b/c I'm constantly having to show up for appointments. Diabetes nurse, regular OB appointments, that semi-emergency appt. with the endocrinologist when my insulin doses were too high and making me sick...and starting next week, non-stress tests twice a week. I hate to sound like such an Eeyore pessimist but truly my life is purgatory when I'm pregnant. I cannot be the mom I want to be to my children because I'm so tired and so out of energy and so frustrated with all the crap that I feel I have nothing left over to give.
On top of all this, I'm going for my 3rd c-section this time; I had unplanned c's with my other two, both due to failure to progress. There's a longer story there but I won't bore you all with details. I feel just like a helpless amoeba under a microscope, prodded, poked, and pulled this way and that with all my complications and then the surgeries, etc.
I sometimes feel it's all too much to bear. I know it won't last too much longer. About six weeks. But then comes the very painful recovery time from major abdominal surgery, and then as I said, the depression and hormone roller coaster. I just needed to vent. I thank you all for listening/reading and if you have any helpful tips, sure, bring them on. I'm just having a day where I feel "done."
I live miles and miles from family so there's no help, really. I have friends that come and help once in awhile but I don't feel right asking for regular help b/c all my friends also have children to take care of and lives of their own.
On top of all this, I've always been particularly sensitive to hormone fluctuations and it really REALLY affects my moods. I get angry and irrational, weepy and despondent, and then happy and hopeful once in awhile, before I start back on the cycle of moods. I also have post-partum depression to look forward to; it has happened with each pregnancy and it takes me a bit longer each time to recover. With my first, it took about six months to feel normal again. With my second, my son, it took me a year. I am scared about how long it might take with this third (and final) pregnancy. I very much look forward to my baby girl's arrival and I love her already but I do NOT look forward to the hormone roller coaster that seems to have already started in some ways.
I feel like a complete mess. My house is in disarray, with lack of organization and it needs cleaning at all times, which I know is common to all of us moms with small children...I just get plagued with guilt over the look of the house and I feel like I can't even have people over; it's so bad. My mind is a jumble. I can't remember much of anything. I have all these appointments every week to go to, because of my complications, etc. and it interrupts the routine I have with my children that I'm desperately trying to set into place to make life go more smoothly once the baby is born. I home school and I can't even get a decent week's worth of school in b/c I'm constantly having to show up for appointments. Diabetes nurse, regular OB appointments, that semi-emergency appt. with the endocrinologist when my insulin doses were too high and making me sick...and starting next week, non-stress tests twice a week. I hate to sound like such an Eeyore pessimist but truly my life is purgatory when I'm pregnant. I cannot be the mom I want to be to my children because I'm so tired and so out of energy and so frustrated with all the crap that I feel I have nothing left over to give.
On top of all this, I'm going for my 3rd c-section this time; I had unplanned c's with my other two, both due to failure to progress. There's a longer story there but I won't bore you all with details. I feel just like a helpless amoeba under a microscope, prodded, poked, and pulled this way and that with all my complications and then the surgeries, etc.
I sometimes feel it's all too much to bear. I know it won't last too much longer. About six weeks. But then comes the very painful recovery time from major abdominal surgery, and then as I said, the depression and hormone roller coaster. I just needed to vent. I thank you all for listening/reading and if you have any helpful tips, sure, bring them on. I'm just having a day where I feel "done."
