chucking things

[dgirllamius]

My LO has a terrible habit of chucking things.

According to my mum I'm a shit mother who doesn't know how to discipline her, that I'm doing it all wrong, that she's not old enough to understand blah blah blah the usual crap.

If it's a toy I take it away from her and she won't get it again for a day or two. If it's something that doesn't belong to her I ask her to pick it up, put it back where she found it and let her know that we don't chuck things. I also let her know if she chucks toys, I don't just take it away and not give a notion to my actions.

Anyway, I got into a bit of a flap earlier with my mum. My LO found some old coins and chucked a few on the floor. I asked her to pick it up, put it back and she failed to acknowledge what I said because after 3 times asking she just runs off.

The thing is this happens a lot and I'm getting at my wits end with this chucking malarkey.

How do you deal with chucking and refusal to pick things up and put them back where they belong? Because I'm clearly not doing it right...

 

[seoj]

My LO went through the same (worse from about 18mos-2yrs). After 2, it slowly got better... I just always stayed consistent in my reponse. After finding what worked best (for her)- so this is what I did...

If she threw something while trying to change her, she would have to go pick it up after she was done. If she threw food- then meal time was over (for now) and we'd try again in a bit- if she threw a toy out of frustration- it was taken away for a while. If thrown out of fun- or for the giggles- I'd ask her to pick it up or clean it up etc... I always stay calm best I can. Consistent. etc...

Nothing stopped the behavior all together- but in time, she understood more and more. I get throwing out of frustration- shoot, I've probably done the same at times in my life (hide in shame lol)- it's how they voice their emotions by physically doing something-- as toddlers do. I always tell LO 'we don't throw toys. It's ok to be frustrated. So you can have this back when you calm down and ready to move on."- or something along those lines.

Your NOT a crap mom for setting boundaries- no kid responds the same way to the same consequence- what works for one, may not for another. So just do what makes the most sense for YOU and LO and it will sort out in time.

 

[seoj]

Oh also- I did find, after trial and error- asking LO to pick or clean something up in that moment- when frustrated, was tough. It usually ended being a battle of the wills... BUT- I wouldn't give in either. So, I would simply ask- if she resisted- then I would tell her we aren't going to move on till you clean/pick it up. Sometimes it took seconds- other times minutes- but if I let her calm down first- talked her down and then asked her to help pick up- *most* of the times, that worked. Like me- she might be stubbon (in the moment) but when given the chance to calm down, she's much more open and ready to help

 

[jd83]

Oh also- I did find, after trial and error- asking LO to pick or clean something up in that moment- when frustrated, was tough. It usually ended being a battle of the wills... BUT- I wouldn't give in either. So, I would simply ask- if she resisted- then I would tell her we aren't going to move on till you clean/pick it up. Sometimes it took seconds- other times minutes- but if I let her calm down first- talked her down and then asked her to help pick up- *most* of the times, that worked. Like me- she might be stubbon (in the moment) but when given the chance to calm down, she's much more open and ready to help

Agree with this. You definitely have to be consistent. If she runs off rather than listening to you, and you are letting her do so, she is learning that she doesn't have to do what you ask, she can just run off instead. When my son does things like this, I pick him up, bring him back over to what he threw and tell him its not nice to throw things, please pick it back up and put it away. Often results in a tantrum. But then once I get him to calm down, I ask again for him to help pick it up. Sometimes he does help, sometimes he doesn't. But the point is that he wasn't allowed to just run off and ignore that he threw it down. It's a lot of trial and error to find what works best with your child. I'd say keep at it, and don't let her ignore you if you have asked her to stop, or asked her to pick something back up. You don't want her to make a huge habit of not listening to you.