Co sleeping - currently feeling the worst

[callmedan]

This morning baby woke and I put her in the bed in between DH and I, I didn't feel tired but fell asleep
I was on my side wrapped around her and only woke when I turned on my back, it had been about an hour
I realised her opposite arm was outstretched and DH was lay on it I think, it's not red or marked in any way but I just feel terrible and can't stop thinking if he had rolled backwards

Please don't judge I feel just awful right now, I won't put her in the bed with us again

 

[ruby83]

Oh hon, don't beat yourself up. You live and learn. I co sleep however am currently sleeping downstairs in the guest room so have the bed to myself. If your bed is big enough could you pop her on your side and you sleep in the middle? I find if my son is in the crook of my arm he is not going anywhere, that way, the blankets, pillows and your hubby are all away from her. X

 

[Twag]

Don't beat yourself up too much it happens to the best of us I co-slept with both my DS and now my DD (yes she still doesn't sleep through the night *yawn*) and my midwife told me when I had DS that to not put baby in the middle of the bed but put baby to the side of you (obviously making sure they cannot fall out of the bed) as a mother is more aware of where baby is than the father

 

[loeylo]

Aww, it happens to all of us! I definitely don't feel comfortable co-sleeping but I have fallen asleep with her on my chest or her in the bed a few times. I stopped bringing her into bed with me until she was a bit bigger (now I'm comfortable with it since she is a lot bigger!)

 

[kajastarlight]

No judging here! My LO has never slept in a crib. We don't even have one! When he was 0-5 months he slept on my side only as my DH would have totally rolled on him. I know because when I flipped him to that side to nurse I stayed awake to push DH over every time he started rolling on him. By the time he was 5ish months old he was big enough to register "something is there dont roll on it" to my hubby's sleeping mind so we put him in the middle from then on.

 

[jessmke]

We were "reactive co-sleepers" from about ages 4-6 months so she was a bit bigger than your LO. We didn't plan or want to co-sleep but in our exhausted state we would end up bringing DD into our bed for part of every night. She would usually sleep on my side of the bed, but I would sometimes roll her into the middle so I could feed her with the other boob and then fall asleep before I could roll her back to my other side. I seemed to be hyper aware of where my OH was because if he moved even the tiniest little bit I would wake up and make sure he wasn't rolling on her. It got to the point where even if she wasn't in our bed my OH couldn't move a muscle without me waking up and pushing against him to make sure he didn't roll over. That was one of the reasons we had to make her stay in her crib all night.

I would sometimes end up sleeping on top of her little arm or sometimes her face would be pressed into my sweaty armpit or something. If they are uncomfortable they will let you know. Just try to keep LO on your side of the bed in the future (you can even get one of those cheap plastic railings to keep LO from falling out of the bed).

 

[noon_child]

This morning baby woke and I put her in the bed in between DH and I, I didn't feel tired but fell asleep
I was on my side wrapped around her and only woke when I turned on my back, it had been about an hour

What you have demonstrated here is the instinctive way that mothers keep babies safe when they sleep together: you wrapped around her and then woke when your body moved away from hers. This same instinct doesn't seem to be present in fathers (or anyone who isn't the mother of the child) which is why it is recommended not place the baby between you and another person.

I realised her opposite arm was outstretched and DH was lay on it I think, it's not red or marked in any way but I just feel terrible and can't stop thinking if he had rolled backwards

Please don't judge I feel just awful right now, I won't put her in the bed with us again

Co-sleeping is quite normal worldwide but has become risky in societies where there are duvets, squishy mattresses and beds high off the ground. If you prepare yourself for safe co-sleeping IF YOU NEED TO you are less likely to accidentally fall asleep with LO in a risky position (like in a chair or on the sofa).

Wouldn't dream of judging you, you did something very normal and noticed when it became a problem.

 

[Feisty Fidget]

Aww don't beat yourself up Hun, exhaustion makes it impossible to stay awake and vigilant constantly.

I've always fed my LG overnight in bed with her boppy pillow and used to nod off. I then got grief from health visitor and DH at 4 month check up for doing this. In my defence it's safe as she can't fall any further then from the pillow to the bed as DH is one side and we have a co sleeping cot attached to the bed on my side.

 

[callmedan]

Thank you all so much, I really needed these comments today this is why I love babyandbump

 

[CRWx]

!

Don't beat yourself up xxx

 

[MindUtopia]

It's absolutely safe to co-sleep with your baby, but you do need to do it safely, which is with baby next to you on the outside, not between you, which is a suffocation hazard. And for a little baby, no pillows or heavy blankets or duvets. We bedshared with our daughter from birth until just before she turned 3 and we never had an incident that was unsafe. I always kept her to the outside on my side. When she was small, less than about 5 months, I didn't use a blanket or duvet (just dressed warmly and she was in her gro bag), and I always slept facing her with my arm between her head and the pillow so she couldn't slide up. Once she was older, mobile, able to push herself up, crawl, walk and get in and out of bed on her own, it was less of an issue. Then we shared a duvet and she used a pillow of her own. Co-sleeping is wonderful if you do it smartly, intentionally and safely, and over the years, I've gotten so much more sleep and just had such an easier time than my non co-sleeping friends. So don't feel guilty or ashamed, but do learn about safe co-sleeping if you decide to do it again in the future (and you probably will, most mums do at some point with a sick or teething baby, even if they never planned to).

Here's some good info on safe ways to share your bed: https://cosleeping.nd.edu/safe-co-sleeping-guidelines/

https://kellymom.com/parenting/nighttime/cosleeping/